What do YOU do as Staff Assistant?

[Boon Yoon]

I like putting on a purple jumpsuit and a cape to roam the station with hopes of getting murdered. I engaging in pushing matches with the usuals, and get farted on. At the 20-30 minute mark I usually kill myself, unless something cool is happening.

[Dions]

Gather trappings of power and see how much of the station i can make my domain through sheer coercion and lying. Being the usurper captain is better than rolling captain.

[Firebarrage]

Staff Assistant is the ideal job for people trying to break crusher slapping records.

[A4Brogan]

There is a surprising variety of things to do as an assistant. If you really have no will to think "What does the station NEED?", I got ya covered:

• Above the gym, there is Crew Quarters B, one of the most desolate sectors of the station with not a whole lot in it; a pantry, a shitty bed-filled hall, a lounge that needs a whole lotta love and a gross shroom farm/bathroom. Why not reinforce the outer walls and knock down the south wall separating the bed hall and make a hobo kitchen?
  
  
• Get to the abandoned mechanics shop south of the diner. That entire asteroid counts as a floor, meaning you can potentially make a sister station if the research or engineering really fuck up. Or create a massive cloning complex and tell rampagers to use their csaber as a marital aid.
  
• The Debris field has tons of locked crates, drones that can be shot apart to get components that sell decently enough, and hidden satellites full of angry mobs to fight. You have access to not only pods, but also access to mining fabs in arrivals and some space suits. How are you NOT a prospector yet?
  
• Assistants can actually be the best gophers for crates and stockpiles on station, due to maintainence. Most non-greysuits have ridiculous amounts of pocket change. Why not hoard supplies and sell them for a fair price and in the inevitable fireball, equip the crew with much needed firesuits and gear?
  
• Want to make a shit ton of money with little effort? Slot machines. 
  
• The diner itself is pretty desolate. Why not clean it up and become a competitor for the chef. Cook offs can be a great event.
  

[TheOnlyRyan]

Gather trappings of power and see how much of the station i can make my domain through sheer coercion and lying. Being the usurper captain is better than rolling captain.

This.

Go assistant and end up somehow being the top dog above everyone.

Or rolling traitor and ruining peoples days.

[Cirrial]

The key thing is as a staff assistant, the expectations for you are low. Defying them is always amazing. Well, providing you don't overdo it and try to supercopdoc-vigilante people, but I mentioned before getting a spiteful joy out of doing someone else's job better than them. Assuming they know how to do their job, of course; it's not as fun if the other person actually has no idea what they're doing. That's when I (try to) switch to helping out, before I discover that the inability was a ruse and get a neurotoxin sting in my kidneys or whatever.

Having said that, ending up dead in maint for whatever reason is also a number one past-time for staff assistants stationwide!

[The Grim Sleeper]

I try to avoid angering sec outright on goonstation, but getting into places in a less then legal means is one of those assistant things that never gets old, especially when the map changes and I have to figure out new places to breach.

^ This. I've already found so many neat goodies, opportunities and 'potential' just wandering the station and there is something very liberating about about having absolutely no responsibility or expectations whatsoever. On a job, you are expected to at least do it a bit, start the engine, patch up a boo-boo, not blow up toxins (NO IT REALLY ISN'T YOUR GOAL TO DESTROY THE LAB!!!), as Head you should be checking up on all your jobbers and as a traitor, well, your actions make or break the round for everybody else.

When I put on my Magnetic Boots as Chief Engineer, it feels like a chore. As a traitor, paranoia consumes me at all times and everything is just another part of some mad plan. But putting on a pair when you are nothing but a shiftless grey-shirt feels like an accomplishment, even if you only have to hack a single door. And then doing said hack with elegance and not trace of a break-in just feels good.

As a grey-shirt you could walk as a locked'n'loaded super-geneseeded doped-to-eyeballs GAWD and if you don't leave a mess, the only excuse you need is 'cuss I could'.

[BBEG]

i did try to setup a drug smuggling ring once other times i try to setup shady establishments in maintenance.

(off topic but there should be more derelict rooms for assistants and the the clown to do Highly Fucking Illegal black market deals.)

[TrustScience]

As SA typically I enjoy staring at windows silently and beating on them with my own cut off arm until someone says something, then I follow them around asking them to give me a hand.