From The Ashes! Another Goonstation DF Succession Game

[phart]

Dear Mountain Homes, you dirty motherfuckers.



Y'all need to get your putrid public bathroom stall of a government together! This Robert motherfucker came out of nowhere today yelling about being the rightful Baroness of this dumb hole and how I best be making some dumbass toy hammers! Speaking of which, since when the hell is this place called Oilstakes? I'm supposed to be in charge of a joint called Gemwhirled, but I don't give a shit, to be perfectly honest. Robert can be the Baroness for all I care.



I had better things to deal with anyways, these human suckers filled with more dead-animal hides then a leatherdaddy came by and boy, did they love their slate crafts! We finally have food, and not to mention fabric for clothing that isn't rotting in all the wrong places! No anvil however, ah well.

Truthfully, not much wen't wrong with it, perhaps a glimmer of hope for this damned place cracking through the turd stained cavern roof.

Not all good things last, unfortunately. I bought 25 copper bolts and well... uh... Let me just sorta write up what happened to those damned bolts.











As if that wasn't bad enough, motherfucking Bobster found a giant tortoise, and... oh my lord fuckok almighty. THE TORTOISE...





Goodbye bolts! Hello vomit pool...



After that a random baby horse starved without going noticed somehow, and some new meat swung by, all of them assholes. I didn't get a chance to assign them awful nicknames yet unfortunately, but they deserve to be cussed out without a doubt!



More importantly, we had some 'silky smooth' developments with the cave, which is to say, barely avoided a gigantic disaster! Like always, we're just barely scraping along over here, no thanks to your help over there all snug in the mountains.



Eventually one of them came near our cave-hole, and before I could manage to cancel the building of the stairwell down below, the damn FUCKERS had to actually be decent at their jobs this time!



It was a dire time, full of bloodshed, death, and strugg-Hold on... my assistant has just told me that one dude got paralyzed for a few hours and nothing else came of it.





...Motherfuck Chase. I'm appointing you CHIEF SPIDER DESTROYER, sorry dude, that basically resolves to being a one-man squad! No I'm not actually sorry idiot.



Not much else happened this season, so I have decided to retire to my brand-spanking new lion and dying starved cat zoo, which is proving to be popular with the unwashed masses.

Crapfully yours, Overseer Phart.

[thehman03]

Gemwhirled lives! I was getting worried that the ashes had settled back in.

[Haine]

Lemme know when HeadSurgeon and Haine die horribly, will ya?

[thehman03]

After a crusade of getting back into Dwarf Fortress for the last few days i've decided that i will be joining the overseer list for this fortress, got some evil ideas that could be put to use.

[phart]

this is so short i feel legitimately bad the next one will be much better and quicker too.

FIRST REPORT OF AUTUMN.

Dear person who never writes me back.



Fuck you and fuck you and fuck you some more. Whoever gave me this job, oh boy oh boy are they ever a cruel son of a bee. I have no idea what I’m doing anymore. The booze has become too scarce to handle. We resorted to water a few days ago, I couldn’t manage the food. I would kill every damn nerd in this caveman colony if I could get one drop of booze out of their undoubtably ethanol-rich blood. Here is a statue of how awesome I am, no I’m not mad ahahahaha.



I started building a hospital today, right behind the zoo. Where else would you put a hospital but the hotbed for diseases, you know? Only makes sense. Got the whole thing going for it in it’s early state a couple of traction benches, a soapmaking workshop for the wounds, and an ashery for the inevitable dead piling up.





Just in time, too. It seems that troglodytes lurk the damned caves below. Not that the farmers seem to care. I’ve learned something from our agricultural staff about beating the everloving crap out of monsters with your fists. If you’re going to do it, do it before they strike the first blow. I sent the military in to deal with the problem, but it didn’t matter. The troglodytes were already as good as dead and having their heads pounded in by hardworking foodstuff producers. I changed my mind about this hole, just a bit. There is at least one decent resident in here but just decent, they still atomic suplex potentially intelligent creatures for getting up in their faces after all. The only traumatized citizen out of this whole shitfit appeared to be one of the soldiers, Hufflaw, as people have told me.



The people tell me too much sometimes. Armok almighty, Hufflaw.



Unfazed by the dead troglodytes being carried off to the leather workshops, Humans visited this month. Sent a liason with them, too.



Here is what I’ve heard about civilization these days, and how it’s going down ye olde outhouse.



After spending a whole damn day planting seeds, the broker finally decided to get his rump to the trade depot. We pissed them off, but got some precious scarce liqour out of them along with some tanned animal skins. I wonder what turns them off, the smell of death, or the sight of blood? A buncha prudes, I tell you.

Since then, it’s been a bit of a dry patch, a much needed period of decency amongst these damp halls in a hill. I started to build a metal-industry by the hospital, which is still not done, damn lazy bastards. Have you heard about the fine homeopathic properties of smoke, smog and ash? They do wonders for the insane!



Finally, and perhaps most importantly. Building the sheriff’s office next to the dump was uh... a bad idea it turns out? The man keeps on getting nearly suffocated by miasma. Perhaps I should just make a pit and wall the thing off.

That is all your getting from me today you damn gimpomaniac of a government official, I hate you and I hate having to do this crap. WHY DO YOU NEVER WRITE ME BACK?!

-Overseer *Phart

Spoiler!

(didnt get to use this but jeez kiki )

[KikiMofo]

Kicked the shit outta that monitor lizard for stealing my finger. That was my lucky finger.