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Being the best/worst clown you can. Bad pun/joke thread.
#1
Please post jokes you use as a clown to "entertain" the crew.

Quote:Lost my watch at a party. Saw some guy stand on it. Walked straight up to him and punched him. No one does that. Not on my watch!

Quote:I have a poem:

You dig
I dig
He digs
She digs
They dig
We dig

It's not my best work, but it is deep.

Quote:If you ever feel cold you should stand in the corner.

It's 90 degrees!

Quote:An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling.

The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, Can you all see me now?

Yes.
Oui.
Si.
Ja.

Quote:My drug dealer cracks me up!

Quote:Three guys are on a boat and they have four cigarettes, but no matches or anything to light them up with. What do they do?

They throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter!

Quote:Have you seen my henlay?
What's a henlay?
Eggs!
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#2
A pirate walks into a bar.

"Did you notice you've got a steering wheel on your penis?" asks the bartender.

"Arr, and it's driving me nuts!"
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#3
Spoken to the janitor as a clown AI:

"Knock knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Atch."
"Atch who?"
"Look, now you've gone and sneezed everywhere! Better clean it up!"

In the same round, I also changed my arrivals message to "$NAME the $JOB farted on an elevator once. It was wrong on so many levels."

And as my last joke: "How are computers and air conditioners alike? They both work fine until you open windows!"
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#4
A miner with a full satchel trips and falls. Which arm does he break?
The escape arm!

How did heisenbee feel when the MD got a pet bat?
Royal jelly!


Also there was that round where I offered all access to anyone who could tell a joke. Ended up shooting a guy for "what has 4 wheels and flies?"
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#5
I'd contribute to this thread but I'm pretty sure I'm officially banned from making any more puns.

honk.
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#6
UrsulaMejor Wrote:I'd contribute to this thread but I'm pretty sure I'm officially banned from making any more puns.

honk.
do it fucker
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#7
Knock knock?
Who's there?
Iraq.
Iraq who?
Iraq and roll.
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#8
Two bees bumble into a bar looking to get buzzed. What did they ask the bartender for? It's none of your beeswax.
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#9
What do you call a spaceship that breaks the rules?
Dread-Naughty! :suicide:
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#10
A collection of limericks:

There once was a man from PooPoo
Whose limericks ended on line two.

Wait I got another:

There once was a man from Verdun.

Did you ever hear the limerick made by Nero?
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#11
There once was a man from limerick.
Who was quite ignorant of the type of poems his town was named after.
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#12
I just found this on imgur. Very entertained

http://imgur.com/gallery/CKl84ZJ
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#13
Silvercloud29 Wrote:I just found this on imgur. Very entertained

http://imgur.com/gallery/CKl84ZJ

Wrestler clowns are the worst.
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