04-11-2015, 11:35 AM
Hello, it was quite hard to get rid of the feeling that I will be punished badly if I mention my name in this community but its : davidof9 http://www.byond.com/members/davidof9. People might know me as a Griefer or a Liar but I always wanted to change and I always wanted to fit in with the rest in this community as I was punished so badly in this server I felt I couldn't return but the urge was strong so i had to return. I tried to come back but i was caught. I couldn't get rid of the urge of coming back so I give up on it for a while and went on youtube to watch PlumpHelmetPunk and YorpYorpYorp as their one of favorite people who have played on GOONStation. Every time I watched their videos it felt like home, memories use to come back in my head of the times when I use to hop on to the server and relax , play and feel like home, but the sad part was, I knew people did not enjoy me being on the server because of my past as they remember me trying to bypass bans and lie to Admins because i wanted to stay longer on the server as it was an amazing experience for me, as well as people felt nice here, no drama between people or abusive admins and unfairness to other people at least in my opinion .
I always felt the need to continually lie because I lied as a child when I got in trouble to slide out of it and it usually worked for me, grown up like that it was hard for me to get use to not getting out of it, but I still kept doing it as it saved me some time to keep me on the server. I though I could outsmart the system by just lying and I was wrong, I feel bad for openly lying to the staff. It might be the reason the community is so great and pure, that might be one of the reasons i lied because I wanted to keep my self clean from all the bad stuff I have done in the past and have a new start. I never was welcome after I got banned with davidof9 so I made up random names to keep as far from "Davidof9" as possible and lie about myself so people do not know about me in any kind of shape of form at all, to keep playing on the server. I had the need to lie to keep playing on the server, at least that was in my head and feeling like if I told the truth I would get in more trouble then if I didn't lie I always chose the "Liar Option" as I felt safe by trying to mask the truth, but I felt guilty inside when I did it. When ever I lied I felt the admins would fall for my tricks "but they didn't" so I wouldn't even admin PM or mentor help when I got back to the server because I had a feeling that I would get questioned and then I would have to lie again causing more harm to me and the situation I was in. I felt the freedom of getting away by lying but it was a silly idea of mine while I was 13~14.
It felt back becoming habitual liar as i would usually lie In-Game and it would harm me in the later life too, as the habits would fallow me until I felt changing myself as a person in whole. I realized it can ruin relation ships with people, friendship and I guess job interviews if you constantly lie they can find out and change their opinion on you completely, like they did with me. Lying is a really bad habit I had and i'm trying my best not to lie anymore for the reasons told in the text.
People start losing respect for you and think your just a waste of time if you lie, because they already expect you to lie more as you kept doing it over and over again. I lost quite a people by lying usually just on a website, I keep myself from not lying anymore, and I hope I can not return to the bad habit of mine. This might be one of the reasons I felt guilty when I came back to the server. I already had a big mark on my head reading "Liar" so I wanted to rub it off as hard as I could, but that might never happen if you don't get accepted back at all, they would have you embedded in their head as a Liar and nothing can be changed then as this is one of the reasons i am righting this down, to show that I have changed as a person, I want to be accepted back and ill try my best to keep it that way i hope you can understand me and keep it behind me, I don't want to carry my bad history behind me. I'm really sorry if I caused anything back in 2013~2014 with my huge amounts of lies but i understand the reasons lying is bad and i hope you understand it as well as i do now. It has been a great experience and but the lying always came back to me and reminded me i had to change something about myself and i can't keep going like this as i would be the worst person i know and it would be myself, i wouldn't be able to deal with myself as i am myself and i couldn't be the worst person to myself and because of that i had to think for a bit to understand the meaning behind this and dealing with my self as a liar and manning up and dealing with the problem on my own what i caused. I wish i can be welcome back to the wonderful community of the Space Station 13 [GoonStation].
I hope you understand me and keep a small amount of respect for me as i am just a human being that has messed up "big time" with his favorite community and people and i tried my best to explain the reasons behind me being a habitual liar and changing your life around.
I always felt the need to continually lie because I lied as a child when I got in trouble to slide out of it and it usually worked for me, grown up like that it was hard for me to get use to not getting out of it, but I still kept doing it as it saved me some time to keep me on the server. I though I could outsmart the system by just lying and I was wrong, I feel bad for openly lying to the staff. It might be the reason the community is so great and pure, that might be one of the reasons i lied because I wanted to keep my self clean from all the bad stuff I have done in the past and have a new start. I never was welcome after I got banned with davidof9 so I made up random names to keep as far from "Davidof9" as possible and lie about myself so people do not know about me in any kind of shape of form at all, to keep playing on the server. I had the need to lie to keep playing on the server, at least that was in my head and feeling like if I told the truth I would get in more trouble then if I didn't lie I always chose the "Liar Option" as I felt safe by trying to mask the truth, but I felt guilty inside when I did it. When ever I lied I felt the admins would fall for my tricks "but they didn't" so I wouldn't even admin PM or mentor help when I got back to the server because I had a feeling that I would get questioned and then I would have to lie again causing more harm to me and the situation I was in. I felt the freedom of getting away by lying but it was a silly idea of mine while I was 13~14.
It felt back becoming habitual liar as i would usually lie In-Game and it would harm me in the later life too, as the habits would fallow me until I felt changing myself as a person in whole. I realized it can ruin relation ships with people, friendship and I guess job interviews if you constantly lie they can find out and change their opinion on you completely, like they did with me. Lying is a really bad habit I had and i'm trying my best not to lie anymore for the reasons told in the text.
People start losing respect for you and think your just a waste of time if you lie, because they already expect you to lie more as you kept doing it over and over again. I lost quite a people by lying usually just on a website, I keep myself from not lying anymore, and I hope I can not return to the bad habit of mine. This might be one of the reasons I felt guilty when I came back to the server. I already had a big mark on my head reading "Liar" so I wanted to rub it off as hard as I could, but that might never happen if you don't get accepted back at all, they would have you embedded in their head as a Liar and nothing can be changed then as this is one of the reasons i am righting this down, to show that I have changed as a person, I want to be accepted back and ill try my best to keep it that way i hope you can understand me and keep it behind me, I don't want to carry my bad history behind me. I'm really sorry if I caused anything back in 2013~2014 with my huge amounts of lies but i understand the reasons lying is bad and i hope you understand it as well as i do now. It has been a great experience and but the lying always came back to me and reminded me i had to change something about myself and i can't keep going like this as i would be the worst person i know and it would be myself, i wouldn't be able to deal with myself as i am myself and i couldn't be the worst person to myself and because of that i had to think for a bit to understand the meaning behind this and dealing with my self as a liar and manning up and dealing with the problem on my own what i caused. I wish i can be welcome back to the wonderful community of the Space Station 13 [GoonStation].
I hope you understand me and keep a small amount of respect for me as i am just a human being that has messed up "big time" with his favorite community and people and i tried my best to explain the reasons behind me being a habitual liar and changing your life around.