Online SS13-Themed DnD

[Bologna Prime]

Hey Fisk, if you have the time I'd like for your to drop in for a little chat about stuff and things Wednesday.

[FishDance]

Hey Fisk, if you have the time I'd like for your to drop in for a little chat about stuff and things Wednesday.

I'll be on in ~20 if you're seeing this.

[DyssalC]

I know that recent couple of sessions I said I would finish the most recent write-up, however each time I said that I didn't think the session would pan-out into "the team floated around in space for a while."

However, regardless of how the next one goes, I'll do the write-up.

[DyssalC]

Ey, Fish, I'd like to discuss a thing with you before or after the next session. Sooner rather than later. I'll be hanging around roll20.

[FishDance]

Hi I'm here to bug people and ask STEVE, ELDER, and DAVID if they'll be able to make it tomorrow. Valt and I already figured out that we could but I ought to hear from you guys too because yeah.

[DyssalC]

Guys I finally finished the write-up.
Long after I said it would be done.
And it's shorter than it was originally gonna be.
That's because I cut like ten sections out.
I should stop procrastinating.

There's Always Tomorrow Mourning
The team, relaxed and renewed after spending a night in their new crib, discovers it has been vandalized!
Rude!
Outraged from their new crib being turned into a hoodlum canvas, they head to the bar for some breakfast...
... only to remember that their good friend Joe the Chef died in the Wendigo King battle!
Oh no!
That's okay though, because they weren't being hunted down by a multi-trillion dollar company that controlled the galaxy.
OH WAIT, OH GOD NO.
Feeling the weight of their situation come crashing down on them, the team wandered aimlessly into maintenance, trying to find something to fill the void that was their soul/stomachs.
To their luck, they found a sketchy man!
The team immediately started badgering the sketchy man, who is starting to seem more like just some guy hanging out in maint.
Then, feeling the need to be charitable, Val puts his headset on the not sketchy man! What a dork!
The strange behavior and smells coming from the team scared the sketchy man into running!
A chase ensued, leading the team into botany. Surely everything is fine in botany.

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes!
Nothing is fine in botany! Barricades everywhere, angry plants, lazy botanists, no weed!
NO WEED! *scream!
David tried to remedy this by planting some of his own, but there wasn't enough time to wait. Something had to be done now.
Somebody was going to die for this indiscretion.
Looking to vent, the team went to the botanists to figure out what was going to get destroyed.
Apparently the botanists had grown some stupid tomatoes, but one of the stupid botanists added stupid unstable mutagen and the stupid tomatoes started eating their stupid faces.
The team steeled themselves for combat and broke down the barricade, readying for the onslaught of angry red space tomatoes!
The tomatoes were vicious, rolling towards the team and trying to nibble at their ankles!
The team showed no mercy though, slicing, dicing, saucing, and juicing the oversized fruit/vegetables until botany was covered in pasta sauce.
It was fucking vegocide.
The team was no longer fueled by sadness, they were fueled by rage. Their saucelust could only be satisfied by spilling more juice of the plant menace.
Their was gonna be a fucking ketchup bath before the day was over.

Two Green Thumbs and a Green Tentacle
Fueled by the soup of their foes, the team immediately started breaking down the other barricade in the room.
In the distance a strange giggling can be heard.
As the barricade crumbled, the team took a few steps forward and was met with a horrifying sight.
THE BOTANISTS WEREN'T GROWING WEED. *scream.
Then as they took another step they saw a giant, horrible, wriggling green monster surrounded by two slightly smaller green monsters.
Surprisingly nobody made a joke about a Balmue family reunion.
The team was ready for battle, though with some slightly different thoughts about how to engage the enemy.
Valterak Balmue had the strategy of ducking behind the barricades, using them as a choke point, and opening fire as the creatures shambled and shimmied their way over.
Steve Dyssal had the courageous/stupid idea to charge the oversized cabbages with teeth head-on.
These were both viable strategies, or at least they would've been if it weren't for the fact that Steve was the only person who decided to charge them.
However, this amalgamation of terrible ideas created the perfect storm of stupidity induced battle prowess.
Steve battled a single Man Eater by himself while the rest of the team held the line against a Man Eater and the horrifying giggling Changeling Eater!
The spooky Changeling Eater sauntered forward, invading them team's minds with his evil mind laughter!
The battle raged on, and the botanical battlefield became littered with coleslaw and weed vines.
The team was now in the shaky clutches of the cackling, chuckling, chortling Changeling Eater.
It seemed all was lost (not really), when suddenly a long blue vine creeped into the monster's mouth!
The vine tore a tooth straight out of the beast's gaping maw, turning the laughs to horrific laugh-screams of painful insanity.
With the situation reaching levels of horrifying that are out of this world, David "Numbers" Bailey used the confusion to feed cyanide to a botanist, and feed a botanist to the Changeling Eater!
The Changeling Eater made some horrible sounds that weren't laughter, siezed up, and fell limp, lifeless and dead.
So ended the laughing, the giggle, the cackling, the chuckling, the laugh-screaming, the guffawing, the tittering, the snickering, the tee-heeing, the hooting, and the yukking.
And the weed plant for a better tomorrow continued to grow.

Botched Surgery 2: Breakin' 2 Electric Beegaloo
The team, tired, sad, and covered in plant matter, decided it would be best to rest.
However, before their day was over, Steve Dyssal decided he had to do one last thing.
Making his way to robotics, Steve could feel the chill from the ice cold Wendigo King heart in his coat pocket.
Strolling right past the roboticist Zed, Steve used his new skills to reprogram a borg into a surgery borg.
The plan was simple! Just remove his heart and put the Wendigo King heart in in its place.
Before going under, Steve gave Buzz Kill the bee a quick hug and got on the operating table...
...and was promptly sliced open without anesthetic, causing him to blackout from pain.
While Steve was out, the robot made a startling discovery: It had no hands!
The obvious course of action is to get the incompetent Dr. Zed involved, as he could only help the situation.
Zed quickly got to work. He replaced the heart quickly, sewed Steve up, and then brought him out of his pain induced sleep.
Everything seemed fine, Steve was getting oxygen distributed through his body via the circulatory system, and he could see his heart on the operating table, so everything should be good, right?
That is what was thought, until Steve noticed the Wendigo King heart still on the table next to him...
... which is also when he noticed his buzzing best friend was also missing.

Zeds Dead, Baby
Sleeping for three days straight did not quell the blazing desire for revenge that burned inside of Steve and Buzz Kill.
Steve and his brud David quickly made their way down to robotics to bury the hatchet in Zed's neck.
However, upon arriving at robotics Steve found himself contemplating various ways he could exact his vengeance.
He could smash the office and break everything, but that can be undone and forgotten.
He could break Zed's bones, but he's a roboticist and could easily replace any badly damaged limbs.
He could kill Zed, but then that'd just be another bloodstain on his shirt.
David quickly found the best answer to Steve's question: Reprogram one of Zed's very own cyborgs to murder the shit out of him.
And murder the shit out of him he did, smashing and crushing Zed's skull until nothing was left, not even a brain to borg him with.
After breaking the first law of robotics and painting robotics red the borg fled into the maintenance tunnels, spouting something about going to the next target or whatever.
With that out of the way, the team began to search for the next step in their adventure, though they did not have to search long...

Славный воссоединение старых друзей
... for over the intercom the AI announced the arrival of an intruder brought in by the mining magnet.
Being the scumbag vigilantes that they are, the team IMMEDIATELY set out to exterminate the intruder and save the station.
After stealing a couple of space suits, the team scuttled their way onto the mining magnet, making extra sure to not apply their faces directly to the incredibly high strength polarity generators that dragged big fucking rocks across the vast reaches space at insanely high speeds.
Upon inspection of what the magnet had dragged in it was incredibly obvious that this wasn't a giant space rock, but instead a sizable chunk of an electronics lab.
And inside this lab was...
... the team's good friend and life saver, Russia Borg!
The team gave Russia Borg fond hellos and how-do-you-dos, and Russia Borg gave them приветы и как дела.
The team gave Russia Borg hugs and Russia Borg gave them объятия.
The team expressed confusion at Russia Borg's dialect and Russia Borg expressed Шутка в том, что действия России киборга на русском языке.
After growing tired of the cultural diversity, the team reprogrammed Russia Borg to speak like a black oiled American; in all-caps and short sentences.
Not really noticing their localization, Russia Borg continued explaining that the magic portal in the middle of the room suddenly appeared a little bit ago, and all of Russia Borg's friends went in to investigate but never came ba-
Wait, magic portal?
Shit, ya, there's a big glowing blue oval in the middle of the room that seems to be eminating a strange warmth from within.
Vowing to return Russia Borg's friends to them, the team ventured forth through the portal to rescue the missing machines!

A Heated Exchange
Oh god the heat! The heat! Oh merciful space Jesus the heat!
Racing through the burning winds rolling off of the lava that surrounded them, the team rushed into the nearest building they could find.
As they crossed the scalding landscape the team saw horrible sights: Cyborgs with frames that had melted in the heat, left to slowly liquify into puddles of space-age steel.
It was clear that Russia Borg would not be seeing THESE friends again, but there was a chance a few had mad it inside before it was too late.
Once inside the team was immediately relieved to find that it was much cooler inside than it was outside, must've been some kickass insulation.
After taking a few steps into the incredibly dark structure one of the team members found they had stepped in a puddle... of cyborg steel.
However, this cyborg's brain hadn't been baked in its head case yet, and was still able to communicate, though everything else about the frame was fucked beyond repair.
However, this was also a Russian Cyborg speaking in Russian.
The team decided to have Valterak try and translate the borg, but he did a shitty job of it and ended up getting some garble about space ninjas.
After reprogramming the cyborg to speak like a chav, it informed the team that this was some sort of research facility, and that all the cyborgs that came here had melted from the intense heat.
With this information, the team was ready to head back, but not before exploring/looting.
The team shuffled aimlessly and blindly through the darkness.
The team was comfortable enough with the place after fumbling about for a while that they separated to cover more ground faster.
With the team scattered, they were open to an ambush...
... which is exactly what happened.
A knife from the darkness flew into David's gut, and he fired blindly into the abyss, aiming for a target he couldn't even see.
His attacker was a NanoTrasen Infiltrator and Neutralizer of Jaded Assassin's!
It was a fukken NINJA!
Clueless to this, Valterak shuffles slowly through the inky blackness, trying to find something even remotely valuable to heist.
Meanwhile Steve is comatose in a small room not as insulated as the main building, basking in the warmth of molten rock flowing across the landscape.
A deadly game of cat and mouse began, the status of cat and mouse changing holders too fast to take record.
The fight came less to an end and more to a departure, as two shadow warriors found themselves dead while another had escaped to more than likely inform his superior of the situation, taking David's phaser with him.
The team gave chase, going through an underground facility, lava bridge, and finally finding themselves in ancient robot ruins!
With ancient robots!
Their age certainly showed as well, as they crumbled to pieces before the weapons of the team and the hands of their chef.
Burnt, electrocuted, stabbed, bleeding, and tired, the team decided it would be a good time to take a nap.

Glorious Reunion of Old Friends
After waking up, the team felt surprisingly refreshed.
Steve, Val, Elder, and David were all ready for whatev-
Wait, what?
Elder?
He was fukken dead!
Oh shit!
After a few moments of reflection, the team realizes that they never checked Elder for a pulse, and that there's a good chance he was just passed out from too much drugs/murder.
Oh well.
The team was glad to have a team member return, but they now had to face their greatest foe: Really simple button puzzles that require at least two people to perform.
The battle was rough and fierce, and for a time the enemy had turned the team against one another, but in the end they prevailed.
Their reward: Ice cream they found on the floor.
Valterak got literal shit flavored ice cream. Mmmmm.
Steve got a funny tasting ice cream that made him really cold when he ate it. Hmmmmm.
After completing puzzled designed for small children and eating ice cream off the cold, dusty metal floor, the team decided that they couldn't do anything anymore adventurous and made their way towards the exit, the exit being the big dumb door they had been working to unlock.
As they walked through the door the smell of phosphorus and potassium hung in the air, with a sweet scent following it.

レッドミストで忍者大虐殺
The room the team found themselves in was more of a chamber, containing a strange machine in the center of the room and nothing else.
After wandering on top of the strange machine, the team was greeted by the sight of a strange man speaking in a strange tongue.
The only things the team really heard were "~uguu" and "kawaii".
This filled them with rage.
Just as the team was about to raise their weapons and release an indignant fury upon their funny foe, the room filled with smoke!
The team could suddenly feel the presence of multiple entities, and they steeled themselves for combat!
It was dead quiet for a few seconds...
... when suddenly a knife flew from the smoke...
... right past the team...
... back into the smoke...
... and then a grunt of pain could be heard.
(In order to properly capture the atmosphere, it is suggested to play this while reading)

A phaser bolt came out of the mist and missed everybody!
Elder fired in a random direction and badly injured two NINJA's and their Samurai Leader!
Another knife flew out of and back into the mist, and another grunt of pain could be heard!
A NINJA charged Valterak and tried to stab him, but he accidentally used a rubber knife instead of a real one!
A NINJA is shamed into a corner by Steve, who then sits in the center of the room for the rest of the fight!
The NINJA that stole David's phaser accidentally shoots himself!
The Samurai Leader gets wasted in the corner because his special ability only triggered when he was the last unit remaining!
The shamed NINJA in the corner is promptly executed!
Wow! Wow! Real progressive of NanoTrasen to hire blind deaf and dumb people to form one of their NINJA squads.
With that taken care of, it's time to collect the loot.
Among the loot is some old chinese food, a katana that breaks the moment Valterak even thinks of touching it, and a...
... a golden butt! THE golden butt! The last golden butt!

High Tensions, Low Low Rates!
After informing Russia Bot of the death of all his friends, the team quickly makes their way to the Cargo Office to become filthy rich.
The team turns in the butts, and gets a little less than 30,000 credits for them!
Well, Valterak does, but that's okay because he's...
... he's running off with the money!
The team began chasing down Valterak, weapons at the ready!
After a lot of running, they ended up at a podbay, where they found Valterak trying to make a deal with the stolen money!
The team immediately jumped in, weapons at the ready, prepared to cut down one of their own if need be.
The merchant, Anthony Sullivan, was trying to sell Valterak a pod!
At a fraction of the price other pod dealers would charge!
The team quickly cornered Valterak, demanding their shares.
Anthony told them they'd get a discount on bulk purchases!
Valterak tried to argue that it's not stealing if the money goes towards something for everyone, but the team wasn't having it.
Anthony promised no money down!
The team closed in on Valterak, readying their weapons for quick and decisive strikes, Valterak prepared to lash out any way he could.
Anthony offered a free Space Cleaner Pen for their clothes!
Valterak continued to argue his point to buy time, but the team continued telling him that this was something that required discussion!
Anthony sweetened the deal and said he'd give the team a pair of fuzzy dice for each pod!
The team was now faced with a dilemna: What is their end game? What is their goal? What are they doing on this station?
Anthony offered lo-
David shot Anthony in the knee, nearly blowing his leg off!
Anthony teleported off station, continuing his offers through the intercom!
After some more discussion, the team lowered their weapons, demanding that Valterak hand the money over while they discuss.
Valterak gave the money to Steve and a discussion was had and deals were struck.
Anthony sold the team four lightly used pods with different paint jobs, but only three pairs of fuzzy dice.
All the fuzzy dice went in Steve's pod.
And Steve kept the change.

[FishDance]

Hi I'm Fisk I'm not dead. There was a family emergency that makes it so I can't do anything this week, but I'll be back next week and we'll pretend that never happened okay. For all the game cares literally all of space and everything in it moved at near light speeds for just long enough to be teleported one week into the future. But no one felt it. That's canon. Probabaly who really cares.

SORRY FOR NOT TELLING ANYONE BEFOREHAND I HOPE NO ONE'S MAD :C

[FishDance]

Actually maybe you guys did something fun while I wasn't there so maybe that happened? I don't know fill me in on Monday. Again really sorry for not being able to make it but there were factors that were out of my control :c

[BaneOfGiygas]

This sounds like something I'd be glad to take part in, assuming you haven't already used/horribly butchered/decapitated Andreas Feithiti for other reasons. I could always play as Porygon the ever-kinda-helpful AI, but I dunno how being an AI player would work in a tabletop setting, or if it even would.

[DyssalC]

This sounds like something I'd be glad to take part in, assuming you haven't already used/horribly butchered/decapitated Andreas Feithiti for other reasons. I could always play as Porygon the ever-kinda-helpful AI, but I dunno how being an AI player would work in a tabletop setting, or if it even would.

The current campaign is nearing its end.
However, there is always the possibility of getting in at the start of the next campaign, though how that campaign will go is still being discussed.

Also glad to see that people besides the players are reading the write-ups.
Also horrible to see that people besides the players are reading the write-ups, more pressure to actually do them instead of hiding from it.

[FishDance]

This sounds like something I'd be glad to take part in, assuming you haven't already used/horribly butchered/decapitated Andreas Feithiti for other reasons. I could always play as Porygon the ever-kinda-helpful AI, but I dunno how being an AI player would work in a tabletop setting, or if it even would.

Hello Mr. BoG, I'm Fishdance and I (currently) run this flim flam. I have nothing against you joining the adventure, you just gotta show up next Monday (preferably early so we can set you up a character). Be warned however, Mondays sesh is the day before the big boss battle starts and I'm not sure how many sessions are left after that until the campaign ends. We're already talking about the next one though, and I'm sure whichever nerd I fool into running that (It's David) would probably be fine with you joining. Word of advice, we don't really rules lawyer stuff very much. There's a whole lot of "creativity", which I value more than the rules, so you can kinda see what happens there. So yeah, Monday is the next time the Dr. will be in. Hope to see ya there <3

[BaneOfGiygas]

Oh, hell. Due to still being in school, I'm preoccupued on Mondays for a good majority of the day, not sure if I'll be able to make the sessions.

[FishDance]

Oh, hell. Due to still being in school, I'm preoccupued on Mondays for a good majority of the day, not sure if I'll be able to make the sessions.

I'm sure that's groovy too. In case you weren't informed on what the times are, we meet Thursdays and Mondays, 5:30 Pacific / 6:30 Mountain / 7:30 Central / 8:30 Eastern, or your regional equivalent if you live in Hawaii or outside of the united states.

[BaneOfGiygas]

I'm on PST, and 5:30 is actually just when I'll be getting home, so as long as it's not 5:30 to the absolute second, I think that'll work out!

I'd rather wait to properly join until the second campaign, but is there any way I could observe the goings-on of the current one in the meantime to try and figure out how this shit works?

[DyssalC]

I'm on PST, and 5:30 is actually just when I'll be getting home, so as long as it's not 5:30 to the absolute second, I think that'll work out!

I'd rather wait to properly join until the second campaign, but is there any way I could observe the goings-on of the current one in the meantime to try and figure out how this shit works?

Ya you can totally observe, though you might get a bit bored just watching us, as we're currently preparing for the big (assumed) finale and are currently just running around the station doing/making/getting stuff.

The other thing is that for the next campaign we're using a different rule set, and as I said some things about next campaign are still being discussed, so it might not be entirely the same as this campaign.