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[Campaign] ROBUSTING@HOME
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11-11-2018, 05:40 PM
I grab my Egun and go to the interrogation room.
"Sorry officer, can't let you blow my cover." I then set it to lethal and shoot him in the face repeatedly. 
11-13-2018, 07:20 AM
Wiggles Wigglesby (Test Subject Staff Assistant)
Okay, brethren safe. Obviously those "doctors" have done something to their brains, though, they're no longer even remotely chatty. They will be avenged. Find the nearest available mail chute and mail myself to genetics. 
11-13-2018, 10:28 AM
say ";listen, clown, if I can get your stupid crayons back to you, can you at least return my buffer without a fight? I'm absolutely getting it back either way though. I'm just... fighting's not in my nature. Because I'm so good at it. I totally took it easy on you there earlier."
Aaand then instead of chasing down some dang monkey, I'm going to go to tool storage to see if I can't macguyver together some kind of idiotic clown-dismounting weapon/device. Tell me what crap's lying around and I'll tell you how I try to put it together.
11-13-2018, 02:04 PM
Sam Eagle [3]
You begin searching for someone to 'borg when your PDA beeps. Death Alert: SecOff in Interrogation Room. Brute 400. Seems like a likely place to check, so you head toward there. The AI borg follows, with pretense of opening doors for you. There's a little bit of blood in the sec lobby but you don't see a corpse. Selladore Kaine [4] vs Rubber Johnson [4] You laugh your most suspiciously evil laugh: "Fortunately for me, I'm not in the business of cleaning up messes this fine day. Unlucky for you." You fire your suppressed pistol at Rubber Johnson, who eats a pellet to the chest. Johnson runs away down the hall, presumably to get help, leaving a fine trail of blood. You retreat into your department. Adrian Clarke [5] and Jack Jackson [3] vs SecOff [Automatic 1] It's time to tie up some loose ends. Adrian Clarke digs into his PDA notes to find some poetry, and begins reciting: *AHEM* "One day while Andy was mastur-" BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG- Jack Jackson shoots the Security Officer point blank, six times, in the head. "You weren't really going to make him sit through that, were you? you're a fucking sadist." Punch Monster [5] You look left, then right, then left again. Nobody in this medbay seems any amount concerned about the flashing red lights. That's quaint. You throw Shitty Bill at the nearest MD, fart at him loads, grab a standard medkit, and bolt out the door in a perfect display of grey shirt flexxing. Before you leave you notice there's a fuckton of monkies roaming around the general ward. Huh. Ada O'Hara [3] Bingo Bango - it's a flamethrower, but the tank is empty. better watch out walking through scanners now Wiggles Wigglesby [6] You climb into a mailchute in the general ward and pop out inside genetics, landing in the lap of a geneticist who is still too goddamn zoned-out to notice you. Taking advantage of the situation, you grab his jumpsuit and tear it right off, shove him into disposals, and flush it. You're alone in Genetics, with most of a geneticist's stuff, including ID. Kickflip Brozinski [5] vs Flesh Utopia [1] Kickflip Brozinski says [145.9] "listen, clown, if I can get your stupid crayons back to you, can you at least return my buffer without a fight? I'm absolutely getting it back either way though. I'm just... fighting's not in my nature. Because I'm so good at it. I totally took it easy on you there earlier." Flesh Utopia says [145.9] "Uhhhhh yeah the fuck i guess?" he bought it You run to tool storage and find this https://wiki.ss13.co/Tool_Storage#Oshan
11-13-2018, 02:41 PM
Ada would grab a fire extinguisher from toxins and meander back over to the chemistry lab.
11-13-2018, 02:44 PM
"You forgot your nuts!" I shout to him as he runs away. Coward!
I pocket my gun. Now, where was I... I check on my weed's progress. 
11-14-2018, 05:05 AM
(This post was last modified: 11-14-2018, 05:05 AM by Recusor. Edited 1 time in total.)
Sam Eagle I say to the AI borg behind me, "AI Can you please open the doors ahead of me towards interrogation so I can find and help SecOff? It seems to be a medical emergency." As I wait for the AI response I preemptively summon my portamed and get ready to run in to provide any emergency assistance.
11-14-2018, 09:01 AM
(This post was last modified: 11-14-2018, 09:03 AM by Mordent. Edited 2 times in total.)
Wiggles Wigglesby (Test Subject Staff Assistant)
That'll teach that monkey wrangler... Oooh, what do all of these shiny buttons on this console do? And why is my name on the screen? Neat. Press a bunch of buttons to see if I can get a cool DNA activator that'll work on me. Failing that, a DNA activator of some kind that'll work on the clown. (Obviously pocket the important bits of geneticist gear)
11-14-2018, 11:37 AM
(This post was last modified: 11-14-2018, 11:37 AM by Firebarrage. Edited 1 time in total.)
Wow, murdering my audience in a poetry recital. Rude. I make Jack's potato arm regrow for that, but rotten this time. Then I just follow him around and help out.
11-14-2018, 03:32 PM
"Huh, I don't remember eguns doing brute damag- Wow, gonna have to write an admin complaint after this round."
I rip off the potato again, hand it to Adrian, and order him to eat it. I then go to chat with our new guests. "Oh, you are here about the officer that just died? Yeah, he didn't agree with the Head of Security's decision to promote me, and got kind of violent." I point to my missing arm. "Judging by the fact that security officers can't be antagonists and I checked his body for a mindslave implant, he is probably just an idiot who didn't read the rules. Don't bother reviving him, just make idiot burgers out of his body." 
11-15-2018, 05:57 AM
Ooh, monkeys! The most honest of all crewman. I salute the biggest and scariest of the Primal Legion (by farting and averting my gaze to seem non-threatening, giving the alpha's dominance boner the stroking of a lifetime) and handing it one of my pipebombs. I then peace the fuck outta medbay before the simian shitheads loose their shit.
If I make it out of medbay in one piece, I go look for dinnerplates and mousetraps.
11-15-2018, 10:24 PM
Alright, I'm going to try to haphazardly wire that power cell to the flashlight in an inspired/moronic attempt to make it bright enough to blind people, and then mount the flashlight at the end of a pole of connected metal rods like a shitty poleaxe. I'll also grab the fuel container and a welding tool just in case I want to douse the thing in petrol and light it aflame later.
11-18-2018, 10:44 AM
boy i`ve really neglected my friends. Will post update today im very sorry
11-19-2018, 10:15 AM
(This post was last modified: 11-19-2018, 10:16 AM by warcrimes. Edited 1 time in total.)
The server wigs out for over five straight minutes, taking no commands.
OOC: John Warcrimes: Fuck sorry. @everyone: you hear a small, muffled explosion in the distance. Ada O'Hara [6] You grab a fire extinguisher that's been left unattended near a workstation... odd thing, so you slap it with a reagent scanner just in case. Black Poweder, 39u Firefighting Foam, 11u Lucky find innit? Selladore Kaine [6] You yell at him as he runs, "Hey you forgot your nuts!". It's probably a lost cause. On the other hand, you turn around to find your beloved plant trays completely overgrown... With that DANK ASS KUSH! You must have done something right in that plant master 'cause you've got a few rainbowed plants in the bunch too. Horatio Jiggles [4][4][1] You Poke the crusher. You Poke the crusher. You Poke th-SQUELCH You hover above the crusher. Your gibs calmly proceed along the beltway and land in a neat pile near the smelter. Wiggles Wigglesby [2] You tippa-tappa on the keyboard but none of it makes any sense to you. You click on one of the buttons that seems more obvious than the rest and - You logged out. Fuck. At least you've got this guy's stuff. You hear an explosion, very close. Sam Eagle [2] You arrive at security, and say ";fuck" lets you in. You're met by Jack Jackson (as HoS HoSson) in a bloody uniform. He calmly informs you that there was an internal dispute in security, and that everything is under control. He does this while obviously forcing one of his subordinate officers to eat a spoiled, awful-smelling potato, whole and raw. Why doesn't this station have a Human Resources department? You always wondered. He lets you take the dead officer, provided you don't clone him. SEEMS PERFECTLY REASONABLE AND REGULAR TO YOU Adrian Clarke [5] You pop another potato into Jack's arm socket for interrupting your sonnet before the titular verse. Never will he know whom had gotten wood, and why. Shameful. Jack, nonplussed rips the potato out again and tosses it to you gently. Eat it he says. You protest, but you know the rules, in your heart. You eat the potato, slowly. It's disgusting, but you've got a steel stomach [6]. You manage not to vomit. Jack Jackson [5] You rip out your new, less-fresh potato stump arm and toss it to Adrian. Eat it you tell him. He hesitates, asks you if you're serious, and then reluctantly chomps down. You're surprised he hasn't puked yet, but your gawk show is interrupted by a roboticist. You expertly divert his questions and assuage his doubts. This is normal security stuff. Totally normal. He drags the dead secoff away. Punch Monster [1] You toss a pipebomb at one of the monkeys, fart, and turn around to peace it out of there- Before you can say Bubs' Mum the monkey tosses it right back at you, primed, and beeping. *SHITFUCK* You hear a deafening blast and pass out. Kickflip Brozinski [4] You decide to go outside the box of reality and design your own adhoc crafting system. You wire a cell to a flashlight. You now have a single-use flash. You duct tape the single use flash to a rod. You now have a Flash Halberd. You stuff some fuel and a welder into your backpack. There's no telling how this shit is gonna work, considering it doesn't formally exist. Your Hume counter clicks busilly. |
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