IRL Cooking! post your recipes

[ZeWaka]

ZeWaka's Family's Greens & Potatoes Torta

Dough

• 1 1/4 cp flour
  
• 1 1/2 tsp olive oil
  
• 1/2 cp DHMO
  
• Salt to taste, duh
  

Fillin'

• Buncha chard, kale, collards, whatever. Maybe 9 large leaves, honestly depends.
  
• 1 or 1 1/2 potatoes (boiled and finely diced, maybe cubes the half the size of a postage sta
  
• 1 yellow or sweet onion
  
• 1 1/4 cp feta
  
• 2 Eggs
  
• 2 1/2 tbsp olive oil (will need more to lather on crust later tho)
  
• shit like parsley, rosemary, salt, and pepper to taste
  
• in addition to the above you'll need extra salt for a luxurious massage (maybe 2 tbsp if you have fat fingers)
  

1. To make the Dough ($$$), mix yo flour and salt in a bowl. Sprinkle your oil into the flour and mix with one of those utensils that you eat with that have like 4 prongs.
   
2. Once you get finished with ya sprinklin', you gonna sprinkle some water a lil' bit at a time, and just mix yo $$$ till it holds together. Knead that $$$ until it's smooth as a baby's bottom and elastic like some gum on the bottom of a seat. Might take between 10-20 minutes (if you are WEAK).
   
3. Make that $$$ into a spherical object and put a wet paper towel over that bowl you got it in, and let it sit for at least 2 hours in that weak re-fridger.
   
4. You gotta make your fillin and stuff in the meantime though! Get that green leaf stuff and throw some of that extra massage salt on it and toss it. Then you gotta work that stuff with your hands and massage the leaves with salt and stuff. Trust me, it makes the food happy and taste so much better (I'm being serious here bro).
   
5. While you let that green leaf stuff get massaged and then sit for 20m or so, start mixing your potatoes, onions, feta, and your spice shit into a bowl.
   
6. Squeeze all the juice and stuff out of your green leaves and add the green leaves to the potato mix. Then mix in your eggs, olive oil, and set that shit to the side because shit is gettin real
   
7. You should've preheated your oven to 375F by now, that's why you read the instructions first. Cut your $$$ in half, with one half being a bit fatter, but not yet like 2/3 to 1/3 size. Roll out one into a nice circle, and the other one into a nice slightly small circle. Then put your filling on the fat $$$ circle and throw your small circle $$$ on top, covering it like a calzone or some shit. After that, you gotta do this cool thing that makes it more yummy to the edges, so you like scrunch it up and make little ridges. Like this but more schrunchy
   
8. Once you scrunch the shit out of it, you brush that top with olive oil so you get that tasty crust that is so good.
   
9. Put that delicious torta on the rack (on a sheet pan though duh, maybe some of that parchment paper also) and bake until golden, so 30-40 minutes maybe depending on your oven
   
10. Once done, you should know to let it cool so you don't end up with your mouth losing all feeling due to severe burns, but then you just cut it up like pie and eat it like civilized humans.
    

Enyoy!