Overheard On The Station (And Elsewhere)

[DreamCarver]

As Security on the NSS Destiny. Roman's the captain, getting in fights with Medbay for literally no reason. We also have a soviet AI and a russian cook. I've invited everyone into GenPop because power's out in security main. We're talking about the most recent fight.
Jordan Lawson (Me) says, "There's been a lot of shit going down recently."
Jordan Lawson says, "I need it to stop."
Sharalyn Kelly (Another Sec officer) says, "science include slaping an officer and eating all the donuts"
Roman Lawhon (our... Captain) says, "I literally ate only one donut."
Mandy Lopsher (Medical Director) says, "i looked up your record lawson"
Mandy Lopsher flips in Jordan Lawson's general direction.
Roman Lawhon exclaims, "And you said you deserved it!"
Sergey Alexandr (Comrade Chef) says, "I can make more donute"
Roman Lawhon says, "My name isn't Lawson."
Mandy Lopsher says, "so your 30 and your a captain and a medical genius"
Jordan Lawson says, "I'm Lawson."
Jordan Lawson says, "He's Law HUN"
Mandy Lopsher says, "oh whoops"
Roman Lawhon asks, "Why does everyone call me 'Rowan' or 'Lawson'?"
Roman Lawhon says, "I'm sick of it."
Jordan Lawson shrugs.
Sharalyn Kelly says, "as a kind gesture for the captian but i didn't understand why"
Sergey Alexandr says, "How about"
Jordan Lawson asks, "Rowan?"
Roman Lawhon says, "Also, lets face it."
Jordan Lawson asks, "What the hell?"
Sergey Alexandr says, "We remove kebab"
Sergey Alexandr says, "Solve problem" 
Roman Lawhon says, "Nanotrasen hires anyone as a captain nowadays."
Mandy Lopsher says, "no no i had it right"
Jordan Lawson asks, "Kebab?"
[At this point, Kebab?? and the captain's history become two separate conversations happening in the same room. Confusion.]
Mandy Lopsher says, "you are 30"
Sergey Alexandr says, "We kebablimate"
Mandy Lopsher says, "and some how both of those things"
Sergey Alexandr says, "The kebab"
Jordan Lawson asks, "What kebab?"
Sergey Alexandr says, "Kebab" 
Jordan Lawson says, "Sergey please explain what kebab has to do with this" 
Roman Lawhon asks, "It was a totally legitimate school of medicine, okay?"
Sergey Alexandr says, "Kebab cause problem"
Sergey Alexandr says, "We remove kebab"
Mandy Lopsher says, "i think this captain isnt as he seems"
Jordan Lawson says, "What the fuck is a kebab"
Sergey Alexandr says, "NT strong"
Roman Lawhon asks, "I mean, vivisection is in everyone's curriculum, right?"
Sharalyn Kelly sneezes.
Mandy Lopsher says, "there isnt much on his records"
Sharalyn Kelly has added the security starter kit to the backpack!
Sergey Alexandr says, "Kebab-b-gone"
Jordan Lawson says, "Now, now, Doctor."
Sergey Alexandr says, "As chef am expert kebablimator"
Jordan Lawson says, "Don't start accusing him over nothing."
Mandy Lopsher asks, "you want to see them?"
Jordan Lawson says, "I've seen them."

So yeah, Kebab.
Also from that round:

Jordan Lawson says, "I have to steel myself for the spanking of a thirty year old man" 

Quote me on that. Please.