Be a part of space history: infernal contracts - the reject bin

[Noah Buttes]

Have the disguise unremovable and permanently mark them for arrest.  Contract says it'll make them famous

I'm not sure that's feasible since I believe arrest and contraband code has changed since the github release.

Infinite gold: your urine var is set to 1000 and locked no matter how much you pee all over the goddamn place

This would be easily doable, but I'm not sure there's enough of a drawback to it.

Get big: double in size, with no real benefits to speak of

It has a built in draw-back in that you're much easier to hit. I like it. Added to the 'maybe' pile with an attribution.

Immortality: turn into a cyborg as if you were infected with nanites, except you're made of gold because thats funnier

I've already got a couple plays on immortality in the form of the vampire and satanic cluwne ones and another one (meatcube) in the works.

EDIT: That having been said, I might implement some way to make borg limbs, torsos, and heads out of different materials in my borg patch. The operative word in that sentence is might.

Become Rich: Changes your name to Richard

I could add this as a low probability side effect of the already existing rich contract. Added to implementation queue with an attribution.

Magic Powers: Makes you a wizard and gives you a grimoire, but doesn't give you any wizard clothes or a staff so you can't cast spells.

A wizard could still take soul guard to easily remedy both of those issues. Soul Guard would spawn him back on the shuttle, where he could acquire wizard gear. Hell, he could probably just break into the shuttle without a spell.

A better way would be to give him everything EXCEPT the spell book, but even then he'd have magic missile and phase shift.

Perhaps the best way to do it would be to give the person who signs the contract the ability to cast spells without wizard clothes but to only let them use the pandemonium spell.

Added to the 'maybe' list with an attribution.

Talk to the Animals: Space Mice and Roaches follow you wherever you go and occasionally spawn near you. Bees will follow you too.

I don't really see the downside to this. Is there one?

Legendary Fartmaster:
You get toxic farts and uncontrollable farting. You do not get immunity to your own toxic farts.

YES. I can give it the exact same description as the linked fart contract to fake people out into thinking they'll be getting ungodly control over farts.

Added to the very top of the implementation queue with an attribution.

Speed Freak:
Your run speed is boosted drastically, but standing still for more than two seconds causes you to catch on fire. Standing still for more than ten seconds causes you to fatally explode.

I would absolutely love to implement this, but I don't have access to the new movement code in order to actually make this.

Added to the "broken dreams" queue with an attribution.

Addictive Personality:
Chemicals drain from your body far slower, and gain permanent addictions to cola, coffee, nicotine and alcohol.

A really fiendish thing to do would be to make it so the reagents don't drain at all, so they eventually overdose due to having to constantly feed their addiction.

That having been said, it might be a terrible fucking idea to make reagents not drain from someone's body since they could pretty much ignore the effects of the addiction with enough stun-resisting and/or medical chemicals.

Added to the "I'm thinking about it" queue with an attribution.

Sweetheart:
Gain immunity to the negative effects of sugar overdose, but risk cardiac failure every tick you don't have sugar in your bloodstream.

Sugar is fucking everywhere so that downside isn't really much of an issue.

Plasma Lung:
Pro: You can now breath plasma!
Con: You can't heal unless you're standing in a tile containing plasma gas. (And maybe give them the Human Torch trait, if possible)

Could you elaborate upon what you mean by "heal"?

Not Funny Anymore:
Pro: Your emote sounds are now honks (bike horn, not demented cluwne honk.)
Con: You gradually waste away if you aren't wearing clown clothing to match your new sound effects.

There's already an emote sound change idea, and I think the completely random sound thing works better than just bike horns.