Be a part of space history: infernal contracts - the reject bin

[Noah Buttes]

As part of my effort to rebalance the infernal contract kit traitor item, I'm going to make some of the most powerful contracts only have a limited number of uses before they run out of juice and morph into another form.

I need some ideas for these weak, expended contracts. And that's where you come in! Be a part of space history by helping steal the souls of the crew!

Any and all ideas are appreciated, but there are some rough guidelines that should be followed if possible.

1. These contracts need to have relatively simple or easy to implement effects.
   
2. The contracts should be only marginally useful at best and nearly useless at worst.
   
3. These contracts can't rely on only being able to be used a certain number of times.
   

Remember that these are just guidelines, and if something is amazing enough or hilarious enough, it'll probably get implemented regardless of the guidelines.

[Nnystyxx]

Question: are contracts that will straight-up kill or at least relatively paralyze you allowed. I present the arguments of genetic mutant and meatcube
I ALSO present the argument of the money contract devolving into a contract for shitloads of worthless butt/bart/bate/cosbycoins.
EDIT: Or worse yet, spraying a shitload of the Coin item everywhere. You know, the one that's literally useless except to flip for laughs and would take forever to pick up because they don't stack

[Noah Buttes]

Question: are contracts that will straight-up kill or at least relatively paralyze you allowed. I present the arguments of genetic mutant and meatcube
I ALSO present the argument of the money contract devolving into a contract for shitloads of worthless butt/bart/bate/cosbycoins.
EDIT: Or worse yet, spraying a shitload of the Coin item everywhere. You know, the one that's literally useless except to flip for laughs and would take forever to pick up because they don't stack

Genetic Mutant and Meatcube are too powerful to be expended contracts, but I could totally add a chance for the mutant thing to happen with the genetics contract.

I'm definitely making an immortal meatcube contract though, but not as an expended contract.

Coin thing is brilliant and has been added to the implementation list with an attribution to you.

[Mageziya]

I got an idea.

Oh God Not The Bees.
-You're perpetually infected with bee. That is, you'll be constantly puking up bee larva until the end of time. Sounds great until you realize that this causes toxin damage. (It already does, but perhaps upping the damage would be in spirit of the contracts.) The benefit, of course, is that you become the bee-mom to tons of bees, who can effectively guard you from any assailants.

[Noah Buttes]

I got an idea.

Oh God Not The Bees.
-You're perpetually infected with bee. That is, you'll be constantly puking up bee larva until the end of time. Sounds great until you realize that this causes toxin damage. (It already does, but perhaps upping the damage would be in spirit of the contracts.) The benefit, of course, is that you become the bee-mom to tons of bees, who can effectively guard you from any assailants.

This would be easy to do by making a subtype of the ethanol production mutation and setting it to manufacture the bee reagent.

Added to the implementation list with an attribution.

[Sundance]

I love it mageziya.

Another idea:

Slumbering Eldritch:
You become a purple dude (the one's that glub). You are given Revenant powers, floating up and down and crushing beings with your mind.
The catch? You have incurable narcolepsy.

[Noah Buttes]

I love it mageziya.

Another idea:

Slumbering Eldritch:
You become a purple dude (the one's that glub). You are given Revenant powers, floating up and down and crushing beings with your mind.
The catch? You have incurable narcolepsy.

Wouldn't really work as a weakened one, but would work excellently as a dedicated contract. Seems difficult to implement. Added to the "MAYBE" queue with an attribution.

You did give me an idea for a weakened one that gives the signer permanent regeneration but also permanent narcolepsy. Sleep is good for you, after all! Added that idea to the implementation queue with an attribution.

[Frank_Stein]

An infinite burger: It'll never run out of bites!

[Mageziya]

Other Ideas:

Return of the Jugglemancler
-The contract signer is turned into a clown. Any item that the clown picks up will be promptly juggled. Any item. (If it's too unbearable, maybe make it a % chance to juggle, so that the clown can still do some things.) Do note that if this is implemented, you'll really want to examine how this interacts with grabs, people, and flung objects, otherwise we might literally have a Jugglemancy incident 2.0 on our hands. (Not that that's a bad thing) If that can't be avoided, then make it a limited contract and watch in awe as the dark art of jugglemancy returns.

Wrath of the Limbless
-One time, a long time ago, I made a deal with Satan in this game. I turned from a borg into a Macho Man who promptly had all their limbs fall off. The ideas I have for this one are less precise. If it's a limited contract, make this an alternate version of the wrassler contract. If it's renewable, give them the Jumpy mutation and maybe a few others (Not random mutations, but preset.) Potentially finding a way to prevent them from reattaching their limbs, while probably difficult to do, would greatly expand the possibilities of this one in terms of power level. I'm ultimately not sure about this idea, but some input on it would be good.

[Nnystyxx]

An infinite burger: It'll never run out of bites!

An infinite Coronator.

[poland spring]

George Melons contract: changes your name to George Melons and makes you look like him. That's it.

Edit: or like maybe some random person on station.




Also mindswap like the jukebox could be fun

[Nnystyxx]

A contract that changes one of your emote sounds to a completely random sound*
(*note you may be subject to gibbing depending on the sound)

[Noah Buttes]

An infinite burger: It'll never run out of bites!

I'll make it taste bland. Added to the implementation queue with an attribution.

Return of the Jugglemancler
-The contract signer is turned into a clown. Any item that the clown picks up will be promptly juggled. Any item. (If it's too unbearable, maybe make it a % chance to juggle, so that the clown can still do some things.) Do note that if this is implemented, you'll really want to examine how this interacts with grabs, people, and flung objects, otherwise we might literally have a Jugglemancy incident 2.0 on our hands. (Not that that's a bad thing) If that can't be avoided, then make it a limited contract and watch in awe as the dark art of jugglemancy returns.

I'd rather not bring back jugglemancy, but I can easily make a contract that gives non-clowns the capability to juggle by setting their can_juggle var to 1. I could then give them a variant of the fart mutation, but with the *juggle/*twirl/*spin emotes. They're so enthralled with their new juggling powers that they can't stop juggling things.

I'll add that to the implementation queue with an attribution.

Wrath of the Limbless
-One time, a long time ago, I made a deal with Satan in this game. I turned from a borg into a Macho Man who promptly had all their limbs fall off. The ideas I have for this one are less precise. If it's a limited contract, make this an alternate version of the wrassler contract. If it's renewable, give them the Jumpy mutation and maybe a few others (Not random mutations, but preset.) Potentially finding a way to prevent them from reattaching their limbs, while probably difficult to do, would greatly expand the possibilities of this one in terms of power level. I'm ultimately not sure about this idea, but some input on it would be good.

I don't really like the idea of a limbless contract, but you gave me the inspiration to come up with another related idea. Regenerating chainsaw arms. The upside: you have two chainsaw arms that regrow if anyone removes them. The downside: You have no normal arms.

I'll add that idea to the implementation pile with an attribution to you.

---

George Melons contract: changes your name to George Melons and makes you look like him. That's it.

Edit: or like maybe some random person on station.




Also mindswap like the jukebox could be fun

I don't really like mindswap, too much potential for unfun shenanigans rather than hilarious shenanigans.

The disguise thing might work but I'm not really seeing the potential for backfiring there.

A contract that changes one of your emote sounds to a completely random sound*
(*note you may be subject to gibbing depending on the sound)

I love it. I'll probably have to prevent it from picking vox sounds though, and I'm not totally sure how to sort through the sounds to pick a random one.

Putting it in the "MAYBE" pile with an attribution.

[poland spring]

Have the disguise unremovable and permanently mark them for arrest. Contract says it'll make them famous

[MollyMillions]

Infinite gold: your urine var is set to 1000 and locked no matter how much you pee all over the goddamn place

Get big: double in size, with no real benefits to speak of

Immortality: turn into a cyborg as if you were infected with nanites, except you're made of gold because thats funnier

Become Rich: Changes your name to Richard

Magic Powers: Makes you a wizard and gives you a grimoire, but doesn't give you any wizard clothes or a staff so you can't cast spells.

Talk to the Animals: Space Mice and Roaches follow you wherever you go and occasionally spawn near you. Bees will follow you too.