Goonhub
10-28-2014, 09:18 AM
Due to the the lack of big worded and fancy titled session descriptions, I'll be taking that role over for now, starting from immediately after the one Fish made (killer picture by the way).
Prepare for words.
The Coming of the King
Upon waking up and explaining the details of the previous day to those who took a nap during those events the group received a mysterious, spooky message telling them to go to the arcade.
Upon arrival they all began ganging up on some nerd that was sitting around, completely ignoring a strange pile of metal in the middle of the room.
After harassing the dweeb they got ANOTHER spooky message telling them to look at the strange pile, upon which Steve Dyssal immediately began rolling around in it.
After some more faffing about the group decided to actually search through the pile for something of value, but instead found a book.
Steve proceeded to show off his literacy by reading the book, but before reaching the last page the book turned to dust and made a gong sound, as most books do.
After the disappointment of nothing spooky happening the group wandered maint looking for treasure, duh.
After wandering for a while they discovered a small, dingy room with a single staff assistant and a golden butt, which was quickly swiped by the group.
After harassing the staff assistant for a while the group had to make a quick escape, as the staffy had called security.
IT'S LOOSE!
The group had decided to go find some instruments so they could play in Don's band, because apparently Don's band didn't have many instruments to begin with, which makes them more of an acapella than a band.
On our way to the cargo bay (because instruments are in cargo bay, not jazz lounge stupid) we happened upon a wooden barricade.
Instinctively the whole group decided that wooden barricade could only possibly contain loot behind them, and they promptly smashed the shit out of them barricades.
As they reached the last one they smelled funny smells and heard funny sounds, all of which was assumed to be Elder Muffin.
However, as the group broke down the last barricade they realized it wasn't (entirely) Elder, but... A GOOSE!
This wasn't just any Goose, though, this was Jerry. Jerry was a tough no-nonsense, eat-nails-for-breakfast/lunch/dinner/dessert sunovabitch who only wanted revenge for being barricaded in a maintenance hallway.
The group approached the monster tactfully, which is another way of saying they cowered from it for a while.
However, feeling the weight of the situation dawn upon them, they began to fight the beast.
It was a vicious and bloody battle.
At some point Reginald Hempmaster III decided to take cover by the exit and was immediately harassed for it. The beginning but not the end.
A near fatal blow was struck as Valterak Balmue, the group tank, was sent into a critical state, and Jerry tried to drag his body off to feed on.
The group quickly went to save their comrade before he became like so many stale pieces of bread on a lazy Sunday at the park.
With one final blow the beast was dispatched, and their comrade was revived with various food items, and the day was saved.
The group then proceeded to dismantle the and mutilate the Goose's corpse, and Elder even made an instrument out of it, an agoostic guitar.
After a quick check of the room they fought in they discovered two loot chests, one containing an odd blue key and one containing a Spacker-12, both of which ended up in Elder's possession at some point.
A Series of Unfortunate Events
Then, without a warning, a plasma fire exploded through one of the wooden barricades that was in the back of the room, and the group had to evacuate, though Val didn't make it out and had to be retrieved/revived from crit again.
Considering that they were all bleeding all over the hallway the group decided that medbay might be the best place to go now.
On the way there they encountered a retracted airbridge. Nothing new to them, but nonetheless an annoyance.
As Valterak passed through the void of space he suffocated a bit and went straight back to crit, having to be retrieved and revived again.
Upon reaching medbay they were greeted by a nice enough doctor who patched them up without needing cash up front, though he threatened to send some goons to bust them up if they didn't come up with 2000 credits before next Monday.
After checking around medbay for a bit longer and discovering the existence of a rude dude who wore tacky clothes and stole limbs the group decided to move on.
However, upon leaving medbay Steve noticed the roboticist, and knew what he must do.
He greeted the man immediately and flashed him his heirloom Titanium Alloy Plate, something all roboticists crave.
In exchange for the plate the roboticist tried his damnedest to attach Steve's heirloom Wendigo King Arms to him.
The first surgery was a failure, resulting in Steve's near death.
The second surgery was a failure, but didn't cause him too much harm.
The third surgery was a failure and sent him straight to crit.
The roboticist, soaked in blood and enchanted by a tune played by Elder, was finally able to attach the limbs to Steve, who was practically drowning in his own blood on the operating table.
After reviving Steve with an Epi pen the roboticist had the group set off to cargo, hoping to forget how awful everything that just happened was.
The Doofus Bard and the Purple Suit Guy Exterminator
Upon reaching cargo bay the group acquainted itself with the resident QM, Kira Taggart.
Rather than asking if they had any instruments they asked them if they had seen anything weird, which is a given considering they were looking straight at the group.
Kira informed them that there was a man in a purple suit hiding out behind the cargo bay. Elder immediately told Kira that he was a Purple Suit Guy Exterminator and that he would gladly get rid of him for her.
The group was allowed in, and after a very short search they found the purple suited man who looked an awful lot like Nanotrasen Assassin Steve.
They also found a giant angry space yeti.
The group braced for combat, though one half of the group had a different target than the other.
Elder took aim at the purple suited man who was cowering in fear of the yeti and blasted him with the Spacker, though he did more damage to the yeti than the man in the process.
The purple suited man began to flee the scene with Regi and Elder pursuing him, while the rest of the group dealt with an angry yeti that was flailing around all over the place.
Blows were struck and blood was shed.
After losing the purple suited man Elder and Regi came back to help fight the yeti... in their own unique ways.
Regi began to give words of encouragement to the group... that ended up going to the yeti instead.
Elder decided to use his plasma tank rocket galoshes on the yeti, which set it on fire... and caused it to become enraged.
The King in Yellow kept talking mad shit.
When all hope was lost, the group made a risky move: They fed Reginald to Loafer, Elder's trusty Loaf companion, in order to turn her into an even denser loaf.
However, the resulting density caused Loafer to collapse in on herself, which, though it killed the yeti in the process, it also killed Loafer, only leaving a star keychain behind.
RIP Loafer.
Being The Band
After scavenging and mourning, the group found 2000 credits, enough to pay off their medical bills, and a harmonica, giving them enough instruments to play the show in the bar.
Once they got some back-alley medical attention, harassed the geneticists, and payed off their debts, the group made their way back to the bar to inform Don of the good news.
Now, with enough instruments to be a (dys)functional band, they were ready for the big show.
With a band consisting of a harmonica, a saxophone, an agoostic guitar, a vuvuzela and a vocalist, they played their song of choice:
They played well, except for the big finish which was pretty damn terrible, but it was enough for the chef to let them in the freezer in the kitchen, which is apparently what this whole damn thing was about.
However, before investigating the freezer, Valterak challenged the chef to a cook-off, where they both cooked a different yeti dish.
The chef won, with a perfect yeti meatball dish, though Val made a valiant effort with his yeti bacon.
Finally, nearing the end of this chapter of the journey, they opened the freezer and...
Fuck That
... walked right the fuck out of the kitchen and started brainstorming other shit to do.
After tossing a few ideas around, the barman informed them that security was having a bit of an issue that could use their help, and that something was going down in research, though what was going down was unknown.
The group had decided that resolving the security issue was their best bet, and headed there right away, with no distractions or anything bad in between.
Oh except David atomic nuggied the janitor so hard her head caved in immediately.
It was then revealed that this was actually Steve's friend, though whether or not that's true or Steve was just trying to convince everybody he had friends is unknown.
The group, besides the mourning Steve, comatose Valterak, and RIP Elder, then began trying to hide the body in a toilet, though the only succeeded in getting it STUCK in the toilet.
After screwing around with the toilet for long enough they were able to remove it from the ground, however, Steve had picked the toilet up and began taking it to genetics, with intentions on getting his "friend" cloned.
Upon reaching genetics and starting the cycle to have the janitor cloned, Reginald immediately began trying to sabotage it.
However, he screwed up so hard in trying to sabotage it he actually advanced cloning science a good 20 or 30 years and instantly and completely cloned the janitor, who immediately went back to doing their job.
THEN they totally went to security with no distractions.
Allegory About the Judicial System? Nah.
Upon arriving at sec the group discovered that a court case was about to take place, though there were no lawyer.
However, the group revealed to the judge that they were all actually lawyers with real law degrees and everything.
The judge asked if they could split into teams of two and defend both clients, a staff assistant who claims to have been wrongfully assaulted by an officer, and an officer who claims to have been mugged by the staff assistant.
With David and Steve defending the officer and Reginald and Valterak defending the staff assistant they were tasked with asking their client six questions, and then to search the crime scene for evidence.
However, as it turns out, only one of the groups actually went around getting evidence and witness testimonies, David and Steve, though most of it went against their client and they kept what the found under wraps.
During the trial a lot of debate took place, with the side of the officer using blood splatter, DNA, medical, witness, and contextual evidence, and the side of the staff assistant using mostly contextual evidence with a falsified witness testimony from a monkey plant, which brought into question the reliability of monkey plants as witnesses due to their lack of necks.
However, none of that mattered as David quickly murdered the monkey plant.
In the end, it was decided that the officer was innocent and the staff assistant was guilty, which just goes to show hiding evidence, lying, stretching the truth, and murdering witnesses is the best way to win a trial.
The winning side got 2000 credits to split between them, but the group had agreed to split all 3000 credits that they had received in total for the job between them all evenly, because group dynamics and such.
With that out of the way they made their way to research to discover what awaited them there, hopefully not hell foam.
Prepare for words.
The Coming of the King
Upon waking up and explaining the details of the previous day to those who took a nap during those events the group received a mysterious, spooky message telling them to go to the arcade.
Upon arrival they all began ganging up on some nerd that was sitting around, completely ignoring a strange pile of metal in the middle of the room.
After harassing the dweeb they got ANOTHER spooky message telling them to look at the strange pile, upon which Steve Dyssal immediately began rolling around in it.
After some more faffing about the group decided to actually search through the pile for something of value, but instead found a book.
Steve proceeded to show off his literacy by reading the book, but before reaching the last page the book turned to dust and made a gong sound, as most books do.
After the disappointment of nothing spooky happening the group wandered maint looking for treasure, duh.
After wandering for a while they discovered a small, dingy room with a single staff assistant and a golden butt, which was quickly swiped by the group.
After harassing the staff assistant for a while the group had to make a quick escape, as the staffy had called security.
IT'S LOOSE!
The group had decided to go find some instruments so they could play in Don's band, because apparently Don's band didn't have many instruments to begin with, which makes them more of an acapella than a band.
On our way to the cargo bay (because instruments are in cargo bay, not jazz lounge stupid) we happened upon a wooden barricade.
Instinctively the whole group decided that wooden barricade could only possibly contain loot behind them, and they promptly smashed the shit out of them barricades.
As they reached the last one they smelled funny smells and heard funny sounds, all of which was assumed to be Elder Muffin.
However, as the group broke down the last barricade they realized it wasn't (entirely) Elder, but... A GOOSE!
This wasn't just any Goose, though, this was Jerry. Jerry was a tough no-nonsense, eat-nails-for-breakfast/lunch/dinner/dessert sunovabitch who only wanted revenge for being barricaded in a maintenance hallway.
The group approached the monster tactfully, which is another way of saying they cowered from it for a while.
However, feeling the weight of the situation dawn upon them, they began to fight the beast.
It was a vicious and bloody battle.
At some point Reginald Hempmaster III decided to take cover by the exit and was immediately harassed for it. The beginning but not the end.
A near fatal blow was struck as Valterak Balmue, the group tank, was sent into a critical state, and Jerry tried to drag his body off to feed on.
The group quickly went to save their comrade before he became like so many stale pieces of bread on a lazy Sunday at the park.
With one final blow the beast was dispatched, and their comrade was revived with various food items, and the day was saved.
The group then proceeded to dismantle the and mutilate the Goose's corpse, and Elder even made an instrument out of it, an agoostic guitar.
After a quick check of the room they fought in they discovered two loot chests, one containing an odd blue key and one containing a Spacker-12, both of which ended up in Elder's possession at some point.
A Series of Unfortunate Events
Then, without a warning, a plasma fire exploded through one of the wooden barricades that was in the back of the room, and the group had to evacuate, though Val didn't make it out and had to be retrieved/revived from crit again.
Considering that they were all bleeding all over the hallway the group decided that medbay might be the best place to go now.
On the way there they encountered a retracted airbridge. Nothing new to them, but nonetheless an annoyance.
As Valterak passed through the void of space he suffocated a bit and went straight back to crit, having to be retrieved and revived again.
Upon reaching medbay they were greeted by a nice enough doctor who patched them up without needing cash up front, though he threatened to send some goons to bust them up if they didn't come up with 2000 credits before next Monday.
After checking around medbay for a bit longer and discovering the existence of a rude dude who wore tacky clothes and stole limbs the group decided to move on.
However, upon leaving medbay Steve noticed the roboticist, and knew what he must do.
He greeted the man immediately and flashed him his heirloom Titanium Alloy Plate, something all roboticists crave.
In exchange for the plate the roboticist tried his damnedest to attach Steve's heirloom Wendigo King Arms to him.
The first surgery was a failure, resulting in Steve's near death.
The second surgery was a failure, but didn't cause him too much harm.
The third surgery was a failure and sent him straight to crit.
The roboticist, soaked in blood and enchanted by a tune played by Elder, was finally able to attach the limbs to Steve, who was practically drowning in his own blood on the operating table.
After reviving Steve with an Epi pen the roboticist had the group set off to cargo, hoping to forget how awful everything that just happened was.
The Doofus Bard and the Purple Suit Guy Exterminator
Upon reaching cargo bay the group acquainted itself with the resident QM, Kira Taggart.
Rather than asking if they had any instruments they asked them if they had seen anything weird, which is a given considering they were looking straight at the group.
Kira informed them that there was a man in a purple suit hiding out behind the cargo bay. Elder immediately told Kira that he was a Purple Suit Guy Exterminator and that he would gladly get rid of him for her.
The group was allowed in, and after a very short search they found the purple suited man who looked an awful lot like Nanotrasen Assassin Steve.
They also found a giant angry space yeti.
The group braced for combat, though one half of the group had a different target than the other.
Elder took aim at the purple suited man who was cowering in fear of the yeti and blasted him with the Spacker, though he did more damage to the yeti than the man in the process.
The purple suited man began to flee the scene with Regi and Elder pursuing him, while the rest of the group dealt with an angry yeti that was flailing around all over the place.
Blows were struck and blood was shed.
After losing the purple suited man Elder and Regi came back to help fight the yeti... in their own unique ways.
Regi began to give words of encouragement to the group... that ended up going to the yeti instead.
Elder decided to use his plasma tank rocket galoshes on the yeti, which set it on fire... and caused it to become enraged.
The King in Yellow kept talking mad shit.
When all hope was lost, the group made a risky move: They fed Reginald to Loafer, Elder's trusty Loaf companion, in order to turn her into an even denser loaf.
However, the resulting density caused Loafer to collapse in on herself, which, though it killed the yeti in the process, it also killed Loafer, only leaving a star keychain behind.
RIP Loafer.
Being The Band
After scavenging and mourning, the group found 2000 credits, enough to pay off their medical bills, and a harmonica, giving them enough instruments to play the show in the bar.
Once they got some back-alley medical attention, harassed the geneticists, and payed off their debts, the group made their way back to the bar to inform Don of the good news.
Now, with enough instruments to be a (dys)functional band, they were ready for the big show.
With a band consisting of a harmonica, a saxophone, an agoostic guitar, a vuvuzela and a vocalist, they played their song of choice:
They played well, except for the big finish which was pretty damn terrible, but it was enough for the chef to let them in the freezer in the kitchen, which is apparently what this whole damn thing was about.
However, before investigating the freezer, Valterak challenged the chef to a cook-off, where they both cooked a different yeti dish.
The chef won, with a perfect yeti meatball dish, though Val made a valiant effort with his yeti bacon.
Finally, nearing the end of this chapter of the journey, they opened the freezer and...
Fuck That
... walked right the fuck out of the kitchen and started brainstorming other shit to do.
After tossing a few ideas around, the barman informed them that security was having a bit of an issue that could use their help, and that something was going down in research, though what was going down was unknown.
The group had decided that resolving the security issue was their best bet, and headed there right away, with no distractions or anything bad in between.
Oh except David atomic nuggied the janitor so hard her head caved in immediately.
It was then revealed that this was actually Steve's friend, though whether or not that's true or Steve was just trying to convince everybody he had friends is unknown.
The group, besides the mourning Steve, comatose Valterak, and RIP Elder, then began trying to hide the body in a toilet, though the only succeeded in getting it STUCK in the toilet.
After screwing around with the toilet for long enough they were able to remove it from the ground, however, Steve had picked the toilet up and began taking it to genetics, with intentions on getting his "friend" cloned.
Upon reaching genetics and starting the cycle to have the janitor cloned, Reginald immediately began trying to sabotage it.
However, he screwed up so hard in trying to sabotage it he actually advanced cloning science a good 20 or 30 years and instantly and completely cloned the janitor, who immediately went back to doing their job.
THEN they totally went to security with no distractions.
Allegory About the Judicial System? Nah.
Upon arriving at sec the group discovered that a court case was about to take place, though there were no lawyer.
However, the group revealed to the judge that they were all actually lawyers with real law degrees and everything.
The judge asked if they could split into teams of two and defend both clients, a staff assistant who claims to have been wrongfully assaulted by an officer, and an officer who claims to have been mugged by the staff assistant.
With David and Steve defending the officer and Reginald and Valterak defending the staff assistant they were tasked with asking their client six questions, and then to search the crime scene for evidence.
However, as it turns out, only one of the groups actually went around getting evidence and witness testimonies, David and Steve, though most of it went against their client and they kept what the found under wraps.
During the trial a lot of debate took place, with the side of the officer using blood splatter, DNA, medical, witness, and contextual evidence, and the side of the staff assistant using mostly contextual evidence with a falsified witness testimony from a monkey plant, which brought into question the reliability of monkey plants as witnesses due to their lack of necks.
However, none of that mattered as David quickly murdered the monkey plant.
In the end, it was decided that the officer was innocent and the staff assistant was guilty, which just goes to show hiding evidence, lying, stretching the truth, and murdering witnesses is the best way to win a trial.
The winning side got 2000 credits to split between them, but the group had agreed to split all 3000 credits that they had received in total for the job between them all evenly, because group dynamics and such.
With that out of the way they made their way to research to discover what awaited them there, hopefully not hell foam.