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New Artsci Artefact: Automatic Juicer
#1
Rainbow 
so this idea came about after seeing the rather disturbing phrase "clown milk" in an SCP article (The Circus of the Disquieting). With modification to not be horrifically inappropriate and instead be mildly comical yet dark enough to match SS13, I thus present the following idea for a new artefact.

The Automatic Juicer Artefact

[Image: lWSpdQw.png]
                                    Artist's impression

This new proposed artifact type has two variants, one benign, the other much less so. 


Upon activation, it acts similarly to a prison artefact when touched by any living creature. For the first few seconds, it is thus indistinguishable from a prison.

Unlike a prison artefact, after 30 seconds has passed, it will release the imprisoned creature or person and spawn a regular bottle full of a consumable liquid named %ENTITY_TITLE% juice.

This name is taken from the job role of humans thus affected (For example, Janitor Juice), or if no job role is present, from their name; for non human creatures, this will simply be their name or species.

This liquid should be given some thought as to potential effects, from copying mutations if present from the juicee at one extreme or simply "tasting like <INSERT NAME HERE>" and being otherwise benign at the other extreme. It depends on what is feasable to program and add to the experience.

During operation, the artefact will appear to vibrate a'la the effect clone bay pods have when cloning someone, making a whirring noise, and a message will proclaim that the artefact is "squeezing" them from all directions.

In the malicious version, this will cause the individual to uncontrollably scream, with the message "You are being crushed!".

Once released, the benign version will have reduced the scale of the creature or entity to 75% of their original scale, but otherwise they will be unharmed.

The less benign version will release them at 50% scale, in critical, with sufficient bloodloss to allow for rescue if action is taken to relocate them to an aware and ready medbay or provide medical treatment.

In the special case of mimes and clowns, the juice thus produced will be rainbow coloured or black and white (or otherwise look mime-like) respectively, and if imbibed should ideally apply traits of mimery or clownery to the drinker. The clown milk in particular will "taste funny" because that sort of punnery is irresistable to me.

-kot
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#2
I really like this idea.
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#3
Not a bad idea and it's not an insta kill or change like a borg artifact.
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#4
To be honest, when i saw the thread, i thought about a blender that turns crewmen into paste. I am slightly disappointed that it's not gibbing people. But i like the idea, make it tear out a few limbs and i think it would work great.
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#5
(08-02-2024, 02:28 AM)Lord_earthfire Wrote: To be honest, when i saw the thread, i thought about a blender that turns crewmen into paste. I am slightly disappointed that it's not gibbing people. But i like the idea, make it tear out a few limbs and i think it would work great.

Maybe small chance of gib if the artifact breaks?
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#6
Having it make preexisting, but job appropriate chems could be fun too. Like clowns could produce honky tonic or rainbow fluid, a rancher would get you egg and the detective nicotini.
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#7
People absolutely are going to be weird about this. Will need major changes if implemented

That said I think it would be really funny if it produced a bottle of your mutant race blood (or sprayed it around the room) and skeletonized you
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#8
(08-02-2024, 05:36 AM)Cal Wrote: People absolutely are going to be weird about this.  Will need major changes if implemented

That said I think it would be really funny if it produced a bottle of your mutant race blood (or sprayed it around the room) and skeletonized you

Keep forgetting about the "WEIRD THINKERS"
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#9
(08-02-2024, 05:36 AM)Cal Wrote: People absolutely are going to be weird about this.  Will need major changes if implemented

That said I think it would be really funny if it produced a bottle of your mutant race blood (or sprayed it around the room) and skeletonized you

you're absolutely correct, cal. i don't trust people to not be weird about things anymore lol

i also like your take on the idea a lot  queen greater domestic space-bee
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#10
(08-02-2024, 05:36 AM)Cal Wrote: People absolutely are going to be weird about this.  Will need major changes if implemented

That said I think it would be really funny if it produced a bottle of your mutant race blood (or sprayed it around the room) and skeletonized you

Literally came to post this. And also agree, repurposing this into basically a crusher that produces a bottle of blood that can pass on your appearance / mutations etc. and leaves varying amounts of you, missing limbs, skeleton or just gibs you entirely is probably a better idea.
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#11
(08-02-2024, 05:36 AM)Cal Wrote: People absolutely are going to be weird about this.  Will need major changes if implemented

That said I think it would be really funny if it produced a bottle of your mutant race blood (or sprayed it around the room) and skeletonized you

This seems like a fairly normal wacky thing to add that's onbrand for Goonstation.

If people are going to be weird about it, that's a moderation issue. 

Plus, people that would be weird about this will just find other stuff to be weird about it its absence.
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#12
[quote pid="205566" dateline="1723002383"]
George_Manning

This seems like a fairly normal wacky thing to add that's onbrand for Goonstation.

If people are going to be weird about it, that's a moderation issue. 

Plus, people that would be weird about this will just find other stuff to be weird about it its absence.
[/quote]

Exactly, the occasional person being weird about it will either get a firm warning and stop, or get banned altogether, so that issue shouldn't really stand in the way of this idea.
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#13
(08-06-2024, 07:46 PM)George_Manning Wrote: If people are going to be weird about it, that's a moderation issue. 

I actually disagree with this take. Certain phrases are weird, and they make people feel weird. It conflicts with some rulings about phrases we can and can't use. "Squeezing the juice out of Johnny" and "Johnny's juice" is weird and has connotations no matter how you moderate it. There's a reason we can insult people by calling them an asshole ingame, but we're not allowed to use genitals as insults. It just causes problems.

Relegating it to "crushing Johnny to a pulp" and "what's left of Johnny" is a better thematic fit that will avoid weirdness.
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#14
(08-07-2024, 04:01 AM)Glamurio Wrote:
(08-06-2024, 07:46 PM)George_Manning Wrote: If people are going to be weird about it, that's a moderation issue. 

I actually disagree with this take. Certain phrases are weird, and they make people feel weird. It conflicts with some rulings about phrases we can and can't use. "Squeezing the juice out of Johnny" and "Johnny's juice" is weird and has connotations no matter how you moderate it. There's a reason we can insult people by calling them an asshole ingame, but we're not allowed to use genitals as insults. It just causes problems.

Relegating it to "crushing Johnny to a pulp" and "what's left of Johnny" is a better thematic fit that will avoid weirdness.

I completely agree with this.  I think this is absolutely a scenario where boiling it down to "well the admins can just bonk the weird people" doesn't work.  The original phrasing and concept invites it, that's why I hadn't commented on this before  -- it made me uncomfortable lol
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#15
Still think this idea is great in the form of blending all of you and making you a skeleton and spraying your blood everywhere or something

maybe it randomizes your mutant race and spits out a gene injector for the original, or your old empty soulless body

very good base idea
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