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GET DAT FUKKEN DISK
i run into the shuttle to smash berriks ugly mug(face) into a wall.
flamethrower does not matter he cannot burn me when i am already on fire!
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Ah! I've got it! It's all so simple! I'll hide a teleporter beacon on my nuke friend, complete the transaction, and teleport right onto Vurdalak's evil ship and beat him up! With my jumpin' legs, it shouldn't take long to fetch the beacon...
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I attempt to steal the clown's mask.
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I knew it!

I knew it! Goddamned called it! The moment some jackass builds a flamethrower, no amount of foam is going to keep me out. Ow oof, it stings.

Time to get on the shuttle and continue punchin'!

Or...

Is that just furthering the cause of communism? I'm handing out smackdowns like they're going out of style, like communism, and at other people's expense, like communism. This ain't the Graytide way.

I get on the shuttle and take out my fire extinguisher. Then I start hitting people.
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Soldering Iron in hand, I... well, there seems to be a flamethrower fight going down right now. And some asshole with a fire extinguisher, too.

I do my damndest to dance around the ongoing fights and potentially-crit passengers while setting up all the slot/snack/drink machines.

And I also attempt to put Zaldorf in front of the door to the cockpit. He's the guardian.
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I take a massive swig of booze and spit it in the general direction of the flamethrower man. If all goes well it'll make for a very impressive fireball, if it messes up then at least he's covered in booze and spittle.
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Banana Peel vs. Berrik(4), NateTheSquid(3), HotCoffeeMug(2), Superlagg(4), Nesmettaur(5), Roomba (1): Nate, Hot, and Roomba slip on a banana peel in their rush on the shuttle, losing this minute in the process.  Even in a forum game you can't walk guys?

Berrik (5) vs. Superlagg (3): Berrik and Superlagg get on the shuttle and keep duking it out.  Super tries to get in to beat the shit out of Berrik, but he retaliates by smacking Super in the face with the flamethrower.  Ow.

NateTheSquid (Banana):Your attempt to get on the shuttle has been foiled by a banana peel.  You slip and fall onto the floor in a comical fashion.

Hydrofloric (1):You roll so hard outside of the fire that you somehow manage to set yourself on fire.
This raises a couple of questions.

HotCoffeeMug (Banana): Your attempt to get on the shuttle has been foiled by a banana peel.  You slip and fall onto the floor in a comical fashion.
This is pretty bad, considering you're on fire.
Even worse, you seem to have entered Critical condition. Doing anything will be difficult.

Bologna Prime (4): You attach a nearby teleporter beacon in a hard to see spot on the Nuke.
Vurdalak's people appear to have arrived and have begun loading the nuke onto their ship.

Winklabom (4) vs. Noah Buttes (6): Winklabom goes up to Noah in an attempt to steal his mask...
...looking at it now, the clown seems kind of adorable.  Despite its mask being unable to show any emotion whatsoever, you feel a sort of sadness overpower your thoughts.
You just can't bring yourself to steal from the clown.

Nesmettaur (4): You start to set up machines on the shuttle for the various passengers to use.  Zoldorf is now right next to the door in the cockpit.
The shuttle now has several snack machines, drink machines, and slot machines.

Roomba (Banana):You slip and fall on a banana peel in a comical fashion in your attempt to board the shuttle.

Current situations:
Security Level:NUCLEAR! (Only personnel actively harming the crew or aiding the syndicates are to be dealt with)
Disk Location: NesMettaur
Nuke Location: QM Office
Time til Nuke Explodes: N/A
Time until the shuttle leaves:1 minutes.
Current shuttle passengers: Berrik, Superlagg, Nesmettaur
Fluke Ops Incoming: Not only is Awfulworldkid really bad at this, he was purposefully given terrible plans too.
Competent Medical Staff: Medical actions + for the station.
Rally of war: The captain has aroused the crew into action. + vs. Syndicates.
1 star Wanted:Noah Buttes
3 star Wanted:Superlagg
Station Damage:Armory
Depressurized:Podbay
Engineering, Mechanics, the Bar, the Kitchen, and medbay are open to anyone!
The Janitor's closet is open to anyone except scientists, Chef's, and Bartenders!
The Captain's Quarters is open to All heads of staff!
Hydroponics has been bolted down.
The Ore processing room is bolted open!
Communism (80%) vs. (20%) Anarchy


Quick heads up, I'm gonna give more time to make sure everyone gets a (potential) last word before the game ends.
I'm not using this as an excuse because I can't update later today no sir.
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God damn, the dice are on fire for me in this (except when I fell in my tub of horrors).

I'm gonna try to use the butt of the flamethrower to shove Superlagg onto the pile of people who slipped on the bananna peel, then ram the flamethrower to max and empty the entire rest of the fuel tank tank onto him and them.

Oh, and I also use Brown Note to force everyone in the pile to fart on each other.

Berrik [145.9] says, "GREYSHIRT SUPREMACY"
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HELL YEAH

To celebrate, I get myself two Discount Dan noodle cups and shotgun both of 'em.

I then announce to the crew we did a good job, and encourage everyone to buy food in the spirit of our late capitalistic patriot, Uncle Sam.
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I sprint to the shuttle tackle the clown and activate my macrobomb If anyone has slipped and fallen I walk over them to avoid the bananas
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I like to begin hacking into the Nuclear arming certification checker so I can blow myself up at will. If it's possible I would like to do it stealthily so they don't realise I am a sentient nuke
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i'll just try getting into the command section again. if i see new525 coming in though, i'll blast him or drop prone, whichever is easiest at the time
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i get on the shuttle and grab myself gathering all energy i have left i suplex myself trying to suplex the crit out of me into berrik in a last effort sort of way(i hope i dont screw this up and do something worse or just look up ending stupid).
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I get thrown onto the pile of idiots.

Live to assist, die to assasst.

I'll be fine, burning to death ain't my thing (technically it is, but whatevs).

These doofuses that my fellow assistant helped me onto? Yeah fire'll fuck em up.

Time to help me help myself to helping these helpless rubes.

I start grabbing and hurling slipped crewpeople back into the shuttle, just yanking people off the ground and fastball specialling them at Berrik.

And I try to get on the shuttle before it leaves.
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I *walk* into the shuttle with my big, squeaky shoes.

I point and honk at the people slipping on banana peels.

"Man, I knew NT's hiring standards were slipping, but this is ridiculous!"

*honk*
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