Best moments ever thread 2.0

[ferriswheel1]

Said radioactive statue then was broken apart, melted down and then turned into equally horribly radioactive floor tiles. Dr Floorpills became the floor.

[sartorius]

I hope sometime a wraith animates that statue and beats me to death with it.
That would be the uranium icing on this radioactive slag cake.

[Noah Buttes]

I hope sometime a wraith animates that statue and beats me to death with it.
That would be the uranium icing on this radioactive slag cake.

Wait, the statue's a permanent thing like the jugglemancy plaque now?

[Grumpchkin]

Dr Floorpills in: "That time I became the most radioactive person on the station."

So I'm fooling around in the smelter with materials, and I've picked up a demonic pen along the way. I find a red contract lying on the floor so I sign it. I get a message saying "You feel like you could take a shotgun blast to the face!" Naturally, security refused to shoot me in the face with shotguns, so I grabbed some erebite and made a jumpsuit out of it. The erebite was irradiating other crewmen who picked it up to the point of death, but I was still in the green while holding it, so I decided to make it into a butt-erebite jumpsuit and stroll around with it. Finding that the crew were intent on p playing the unsafe game "let's toss lighters at the radioactive guy with an erebite jumpsuit," I decided to gather up some radioactive slag pizza sheets and place them in a relatively unused section of the station. Strolling back and forth, it wasn't long until I started mutating at an incredible rate. First came obesity, then blindness, then muteness, and then everything else. I remained at green. Then I recieved an admin pm along the lines of "How are you not dead?" I explained my situation and kept strolling over the tiles. Eventually the mutations stopped giving effects, simply saying "you mutate" and having nothing happen. The admin sends another pm. Apparently I hit the limit of radiation anything in the game could have, a whopping 44gy. Of course, I was functionally useless, having EVERY bad mutation in the game by this point, so I blindly stumbled around, unable to hear, see, speak, or breathe due to massive holes caused by traitors and my inability to equip anything. I also lacked shoes. I passed out frequently due to the mutations and tripped onto glass shards, which made me explode violently, and this was coupled with me teleporting randomly. I eventually died in an airless escape hallway, body vaporized from... something. There was literally no trace of me left.
And that's how I got a statue of me made of highly radioactive slag in the smelter.

I am so glad I implemented that one contract.

Wait so that contract blocks all damage besides fists and maybe oxygen damage?

[Noah Buttes]

Dr Floorpills in: "That time I became the most radioactive person on the station."

So I'm fooling around in the smelter with materials, and I've picked up a demonic pen along the way. I find a red contract lying on the floor so I sign it. I get a message saying "You feel like you could take a shotgun blast to the face!" Naturally, security refused to shoot me in the face with shotguns, so I grabbed some erebite and made a jumpsuit out of it. The erebite was irradiating other crewmen who picked it up to the point of death, but I was still in the green while holding it, so I decided to make it into a butt-erebite jumpsuit and stroll around with it. Finding that the crew were intent on p playing the unsafe game "let's toss lighters at the radioactive guy with an erebite jumpsuit," I decided to gather up some radioactive slag pizza sheets and place them in a relatively unused section of the station. Strolling back and forth, it wasn't long until I started mutating at an incredible rate. First came obesity, then blindness, then muteness, and then everything else. I remained at green. Then I recieved an admin pm along the lines of "How are you not dead?" I explained my situation and kept strolling over the tiles. Eventually the mutations stopped giving effects, simply saying "you mutate" and having nothing happen. The admin sends another pm. Apparently I hit the limit of radiation anything in the game could have, a whopping 44gy. Of course, I was functionally useless, having EVERY bad mutation in the game by this point, so I blindly stumbled around, unable to hear, see, speak, or breathe due to massive holes caused by traitors and my inability to equip anything. I also lacked shoes. I passed out frequently due to the mutations and tripped onto glass shards, which made me explode violently, and this was coupled with me teleporting randomly. I eventually died in an airless escape hallway, body vaporized from... something. There was literally no trace of me left.
And that's how I got a statue of me made of highly radioactive slag in the smelter.

I am so glad I implemented that one contract.

Wait so that contract blocks all damage besides fists and maybe oxygen damage?

Actually it inverts your damage.

If you would normally take damage, you are instead healed for an equivalent amount.

If you would normally be healed, you are instead dealt an equivalent amount of damage.

In other words, synthflesh patches would hurt more than a c-saber would, but you could tank a full shotgun clip no problem.

Note that you are not immune to gibbing, debraining, lava, or other unorthodox methods of dying.

[Admiral jimbob]

I got a contract yesterday that said "you are not an antagonist but have all the powers of one", I began mutating rapidly, died, and was resurrected as a still-mutating glowing pure-white fat blob man. I continued to die and resurrect until I finally suicided.

What the hell contract was that

[Noah Buttes]

I got a contract yesterday that said "you are not an antagonist but have all the powers of one", I began mutating rapidly, died, and was resurrected as a still-mutating glowing pure-white fat blob man. I continued to die and resurrect until I finally suicided.

What the hell contract was that

The one that turns you into an immortal genetic demigod.

You got very lucky/unlucky.

[Grumpchkin]

I hope sometime a wraith animates that statue and beats me to death with it.
That would be the uranium icing on this radioactive slag cake.

Wait, the statue's a permanent thing like the jugglemancy plaque now?

It better fucking be, when the admins go "how are you even alive" then you've done something beautiful. I kinda wish I got something for the time I became skate buddha, maybe when skateboards get fully implemented I could get a trick named after me.

---

"You do a bitching banarne on the turbonerd" or something

[Lovenought]

This is the most terrifying thing I have ever seen in all my days as a Spaceman:

[YoukCat]

Then Yitherus Program came in as a Medical bot and killed the closet, killed the Space Mouse, and then slapped a few healing patches on you and left.

[BurntCornMuffin]

Then Yitherus Program came in as a Medical bot and killed the closet, killed the Space Mouse, and then slapped a few healing patches on you and left.

Did he check for any diseases, too? Feral mice are angry for a reason.

[YoukCat]

I didn't check for any diseases, but I did tell him to go to Medbay just in case.

[atamusvaleo]

I was a living closet as well and used my powers to capture an assistant, hop into a pod, and fly to the debris field. At this point he hopped out of me and into space where he probably died.

[Grumpchkin]

Spoiler!

This is what happens when you set off an owlbomb on a crowded shuttle, sadly this was on Destiny so many immershuns were lost in the blast.

[Nnystyxx]

I won't say much, but I will say this:

The time I trapped a rogue/jerk security officer, by total accident, in a hallway with me, so that he could be arrested.
How? With a fire alarm.
Why? Because I was smoking a blunt. (I was the Vice Officer, after all.)

Don't ever let someone tell you stoners are useless.