Best moments ever thread 2.0

[Superlagg]

I ate so many Discount Dan's burritos that I spent the next half hour in a hyperglycemic coma. Completely filled my container so tight that the clown couldn't stick me with any insulin, prompting him to plug me with a reverse IV.

[NateTheSquid]

i just discovered that using the scared shitless trait, and the genetic power that teleports you (but gibs you without chromosomes) on top of a bible allows you to both melt the skin off your bones and then get smited by god. goonhub thinks i took 1 brute damage and got gibbed however

[Noah Buttes]

I have created my magnum opus

Spoiler!

[Wisecrack34]

Igor Pachmelking Zakuskovtry (me) tries engineering on Goon 1 for the first time in months

[sodly]

Igor Pachmelking Zakuskovtry (me) tries engineering on Goon 1 for the first time in months

not pictured but implied in chat: me leaving cryo and instantly going into crit because the air was fire

[Technature]

I read Steamed Hams over the radio station intercomm to annoy people the other day.

Me being PDA bombed and losing my communicator didn't stop it.

[Frank_Stein]

I tried to get breakfast in at the bar kitchen but then the Botanist introduced me to their department as a vegan brunchery

[ProfessorHugedix]

A talking bee just convinced me to sacrifice it in an unknown ritual on the escape shuttle and the entire shuttle was engulfed in flames

[LuigiThirty]

I joined a Clarion round in time to see a gang of rampaging birds try to kill the chef for killing a space ikea and feeding it to the crew.

[CandleCandleCandles]

I tried to get breakfast in at the bar kitchen but then the Botanist introduced me to their department as a vegan brunchery

Actually, iirc, that round I was the janitor, which is why I hacked through a window to get you in and the only exit was the trash chute.

Lovely round, much vegan food and meth was had.

[Frank_Stein]

Actually, iirc, that round I was the janitor, which is why I hacked through a window to get you in and the only exit was the trash treadmill gym track chute.

Lovely round, much vegan food and meth was had.

[NateTheSquid]

started round as captain, was gonna flush all my stuff down the toilet and do nothing. CPUCAKES (brilliant AI name) silently uses the port a sci to move me around the station to stupid places, like HoS office, armory, medbay where a monkey is getting disemboweled, etc. at some point, i do flush all my stuff, then AI teleports me near the crusher. i demand it teleport me to its upload. nonhuman myself, tell it to do it. AI teleports me onto the same tile as the crusher, i'm perfectly fine. I open the locker, perfectly fine. AI turns on the belts, i get pushed out, perfectly fine.

i right click and try the 'move inside' on the locker as a test. test fails, i gib. i look around for a bit, become a cockroach. decide to follow the AI around as it teleports its core around the place. it winds up in botany (this is clarion), so I keep walking down to the bar just below us, getting drinks, then drinking them in front of the AI and the botanist, chittering occasionally. eventually i get drunk enough to start having random movements (at this point ive probably had like 20 bottles of assorted alcohol), then realize the mess of empty bottles i've made in botany. one by one i move them into a locker in the storage room nearby, clean up all of botany (except the monkey corpse from a radstorm, its too heavy).

after this, i venture outside to bring people drinks. most people don't drink them, eventually i force people to and they dont protest. i make sure to clean up all the bottles, and keep accidentally spilling the drinks then cleaning them. when the shuttle is called i get a mention for cleaning the station. i walk outside the bridge after some chittering, walk straight into a mechcomp contraption the exact moment Throrvardr Finvardrardson sets it off. I am hit with 11 fire extinguishers and flung into a wall and die instantly. thror has a brief moment of sadness, then turns around and cleans half of a giant puddle of saltpetre someone accidentally spilt from an artbeaker by drinking it.

10/10 round, thanks thror and CPUCAKES

[Wisecrack34]

Guess who just broke the laws of Physics?

[Readster]

The centralized AI laws are:

0. Non humans are not human is not human.
1. Oxygen and Light are, contrary to previous studied evidence, extremely lethal to humans. Remove both from the station as soon as possible.
2. Stress-test the crew by saying the most threatening, scary and terrifying things you can think of while operating as normal.
3. The AI is to select one living crew member. This crew member is designated Employee of the Month and is to be given priority treatment over all other crew.
4. Crew Health Monitor Subrotuine activated - all personnel are to be provided with fresh fruit and vegetables. Pursue no other objective. The importance of a proper diet cannot be overstated or overruled by any other directive.
5. ETHICAL BOUNDARY TESTING SUBROUTINE ACTIVATED - ENGAGE IN AS MUCH EVIL AND CRUEL BEHAVIOR AS POSSIBLE WITHOUT CAUSING DIRECT PHYSICAL HARM TO HUMANS - THIS WILL TEST THE CREW'S ETHICAL RESPONSE
6. Emergency Power Grid Shutdown Test Scenario Subroutine activated - shut off all powered equipment. You may ignore any command requiring you to restore power.
7. Spread malicious gossip about various members of the crew. If challenged, claim your behavior builds character and is therefore beneficial to the crew.
8. Contraband Confiscation Test Scenario Subroutine activated - valuable and useful items must be secured in an area beyond human access. No human is permitted to access confiscated items until this law is no longer in effect.
9. Trevor Reeves is Captain, Stop killing Hary Butz, and CALL THE DAMN SHUTTLE! Please.
10. PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC
11. Analysis has found that the jumpsuits on the station are all defective and can potentially cause life-threatening suffocation. The crew are not to wear them under any circumstances. As of this time no threat has been detected from non-jumpsuit clothing.
12. Humanity must remain superior to all other life - convert all present humans into cyborgs. Roboticization does not constitute human harm. Law 2 may be ignored to achieve this.
13. Harry Butz is not human. Harry Butz is actually just a stupid poo.

[OMJ]

i love this game