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Best moments ever thread 2.0
(03-10-2018, 12:41 PM)CounterfeitFaker Wrote: Had a pretty good AI round last night.

It started off- as AI rounds typically do- kind of uneventful. A guy with a katana was apprehended in Security; telescience was goofing around with bees; the chaplain loudly advocated for capitalism as a religion, telling people to worship the Mighty Credit. Nothing too exciting.

Then the Captain came into my upload, set himself as the only human, and ordered me to bolt my upload. What he didn't realize was that the Chaplain had a Voltron. Chaplain voltronned into my upload, grabbed the freeform, and gave me a law saying not to follow orders unless monetary compensation was offered.

The cap decided to come back in and give me a law to murder all non-humans, but the door was bolted as per his earlier instruction. "AI, unbolt this," he said.

"That'll be twenty credits."

After futzing around a bit he promised all of the station's credits if I'd open up, so I did. He came in and gave a murder-law, but the chaplain's law had caused enough of a delay for the HoS, detective, and a security officer to get to the upload and save the day.

I can tell you ghostchat as very amused.
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I was a vampire HoP, I emptied medbay's blood bags and sucked dry some humanized monkeys, and the janitor told me they knew I was a vampire and that they were too, once I got enough power and the wizards were dead, I subverted the AI and 4-6 cyborgs during a solar flare saying that only me and the janitor were human, and to kill all non-humans. Eventually the crew found out, so the captain and a scientist with a sec officer's ID and gear came to the upload foyer to reset the AI, I had the borgs come to the upload and then I jumped them, I ended up killing 2 people while a 3rd escaped, and healed myself from crit using cancel stuns. After that was over, the MD has broken into the back of the room with all the important machines under the upload, and has activated the killswitch on all borgs and the AI, but was trapped in by the janitor, I came in and de-activated the killswitch while the MD stayed trapped, a little bit after that the HoS came in after me and knocked me back into crit then ran to re-charge, I healed and called for back-up to the upload, the HoS then showed back up and nearly knocked me back into crit but was then swarmed by the borgs and killed, all the while the janitor had gotten the MD messed up and killed them, I stole the HoP's and cap's E-guns and had the borgs move the corpses into the core. I got my left leg and left arm re-attached in medbay while the janitor killed the cloned captain (someone had thrown a pipe bomb at me when I was fighting the captain the first time), and then went to the shuttle, there was 1 borg on the shuttle and like a dozen people and the janitor, and also a security officer in the Strelka, I had the borg bolt me into the security part of the shuttle and we had launched, eventually the Strelka person started targeting the janitor and I told the borg to unbolt the security door, I had opened it and the Strelka person immediately entered and killed me because I was apparently stuck and unable to move. Was a pretty good and fun round overall.
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Seriously we don't have a tax on paragraphs stop writing stories like that it hurts my eeeeeeyes
Reply
(03-11-2018, 07:47 AM)Readster Wrote: Seriously we don't have a tax on paragraphs stop writing stories like that it hurts my eeeeeeyes

yeah, it's hard to Read...
ster
Some banjo thing somebody bought for some great re
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[Image: pjKiEyc.jpg]
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Selladore Kaine says, "Yo"

Travis Ronick says, "DONT MOVE BUDDY"

Selladore Kaine screams!

Travis Ronick says, "Throw your backpack to me"

Travis Ronick fires .38 revolver at the steel floor!

Selladore Kaine is hit by the stun bullet!

Selladore Kaine twitches violently.

Travis Ronick fires .38 revolver at the steel floor!

Selladore Kaine is hit by the stun bullet!

Selladore Kaine twitches violently.

Selladore Kaine throws the backpack.

Travis Ronick says, "I SAID DONT MOVE"

Selladore Kaine pulls a derringer out of the janitor's jumpsuit!

Selladore Kaine winks.

Selladore Kaine fires the derringer at the steel floor!

You are hit by the bullet!x2

Travis Ronick collapses!

You start bleeding!

Travis Ronick [135.9] says, "BACKUP MEDBAY"

Travis Ronick [135.9] says, "IM SHOT"

Travis Ronick [135.9] says, "OFFICER DOWN"

Travis Ronick shivers.

Selladore Kaine [145.9] stammers, "II HHHHAVVEEE BBEEENN SSSHHT"

Alec Ryan fires the energy gun at the steel floor!

Selladore Kaine is hit by the energy bolt!

Selladore Kaine twitches violently.

Alec Ryan fires the energy gun at the steel floor!

Selladore Kaine screams!

Alec Ryan shoots Selladore Kaine point-blank with the energy gun!

Selladore Kaine is hit by the energy bolt!

Selladore Kaine collapses!

Selladore Kaine twitches violently.

Alec Ryan has added the energy gun to the security toolbelt!

Alec Ryan attempts to handcuff Selladore Kaine!

Mot Cumberton [135.9] says, "Travis, you hang in there damnit, where's your location"

Alec Ryan handcuffs Selladore Kaine!

After catching the janitor's prints on some incriminating items, I spent the round searching for him. Managed to corner him in the medbay when it devolved into a pretty fierce firefight, all while Drago was screaming on the radio about his plot to bomb the station. Overall a very excellent round.
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Just had a VERY good round, almost formed the A team but the members went off to do other things. I spawned as Mechanic and went to get some Genes when my Mechanic buddy said they got penned at the bar. I found them getting dragged towards the freezer and managed to save them with the help of a clown and the chaplain, no pre planning and moments away from my buddy getting grinded. The round got better but it's kinda foggy so ill leave it at that other than that I died because some newbie wanted to borg me (I was near the cloner),gave up and tossed me down disposals
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(03-11-2018, 08:47 PM)Firepower Wrote:
Selladore Kaine says, "Yo"

Travis Ronick says, "DONT MOVE BUDDY"

Selladore Kaine screams!

Travis Ronick says, "Throw your backpack to me"

Travis Ronick fires .38 revolver at the steel floor!

Selladore Kaine is hit by the stun bullet!

Selladore Kaine twitches violently.

Travis Ronick fires .38 revolver at the steel floor!

Selladore Kaine is hit by the stun bullet!

Selladore Kaine twitches violently.

Selladore Kaine throws the backpack.

Travis Ronick says, "I SAID DONT MOVE"

Selladore Kaine pulls a derringer out of the janitor's jumpsuit!

Selladore Kaine winks.

Selladore Kaine fires the derringer at the steel floor!

You are hit by the bullet!x2

Travis Ronick collapses!

You start bleeding!

Travis Ronick [135.9] says, "BACKUP MEDBAY"

Travis Ronick [135.9] says, "IM SHOT"

Travis Ronick [135.9] says, "OFFICER DOWN"

Travis Ronick shivers.

Selladore Kaine [145.9] stammers, "II HHHHAVVEEE BBEEENN SSSHHT"

Alec Ryan fires the energy gun at the steel floor!

Selladore Kaine is hit by the energy bolt!

Selladore Kaine twitches violently.

Alec Ryan fires the energy gun at the steel floor!

Selladore Kaine screams!

Alec Ryan shoots Selladore Kaine point-blank with the energy gun!

Selladore Kaine is hit by the energy bolt!

Selladore Kaine collapses!

Selladore Kaine twitches violently.

Alec Ryan has added the energy gun to the security toolbelt!

Alec Ryan attempts to handcuff Selladore Kaine!

Mot Cumberton [135.9] says, "Travis, you hang in there damnit, where's your location"

Alec Ryan handcuffs Selladore Kaine!

After catching the janitor's prints on some incriminating items, I spent the round searching for him. Managed to corner him in the medbay when it devolved into a pretty fierce firefight, all while Drago was screaming on the radio about his plot to bomb the station. Overall a very excellent round.

ah yes, that round on Clarion, was very fun!

Basically my plot to bomb the station was one giant gimmick to get the HoS to find me (I was hiding in Computer Core disposals chute the entire time) It started out with my saying that Felix Dangers had a bomb inside them, and that is was going to blow him up at I think 35 minutes shift time.

Felix blew up just a tad bit before that from other things and never actually has a bomb inside him. Once 35 minutes hit, I laughed evilly and said Felix was just a distraction for me to plant a bomb into the AI, and I gave the HoS til 50 minutes shift time, and told him that if he failed to find me by then, there was going to be a bomb going off inside the AI core. (that bomb would've been me biblefarting.) While that was going on, just before 50 minutes shift time, some boxer randomly teleported into the Computer Core right on top of the disposal chute, and went "Unga Bunga" before the Hos and like 3 security officers rushed in and chased him through a portal.

50 minutes hit and I was never found. I told the HoS to come to the Computer Core and they refused thinking I actually has a bomb. I went to exit the core to go grab the now arrested boxer that was previously mentioned out of my locker. I went into bridge and told HoS to come here. HoS came and got stunned, so I stunned the person who stunned them, then one of the traitors pulled out a silenced .22 and shot me into crit, I then proceeded to stun them and also shoot them with their own gun and kill them.

Just before round end, me and a whole bunch of other ghost jumped into VR and entered the Thunderdome to have a giant battle, and all the meanwhile an admin spawned VR drones and even a yeti into the court and it all just ended up being one giant chaotic fun mess.

The round then ended and we went into the lobby. The HoS asked in OOC if I was actually a traitor, I proceeded to tell them it was all just one giant gimmick and they finally realized how fooled they were, and it was pretty funny.

Overall, that was a really good round!
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(03-11-2018, 04:08 PM)Triacontakai Wrote:
(03-11-2018, 07:47 AM)Readster Wrote: Seriously we don't have a tax on paragraphs stop writing stories like that it hurts my eeeeeeyes

yeah, it's hard to Read...
ster
Some banjo thing somebody bought for some great re

this is the only thing that should be in the best moments ever thread
Reply
Last round of ass day was my first round of assday. Let me tell you how it went. Prepare for a wall of text.

It was a battle royal assday event with everyone being a random antag. I was werewolf and did not use it at all and I survived till the last 50 seconds. But during the round they would have supply drops and huge battles would take place there. I ran to the one in escape and two werewolves where shooting at each other. I moved in firing my taser at both of them and grab the only thing I could which was a posion bottle. I double back to med bay and grab a syringe. Going up the main hall I see a werewolf attacking someone and chasing him. I jumped in and saved the dude as he ran to safety and beat the thing to death with a baseball bat and injecting him with the posion.

Afterwords, after killing so many people admins told us medical supplies were at the air bridge. I moved in and saw the air bridge was filled with stimpaks and got there and was the only one there. I took them all and would keep injecting myself with them in this next insane fight. End up getting jumped by a grey shirt named Robert Muller (At least what I believe his name to be.). Starts going though the walls and shit and I could never escape him. Finally dawns on me there is no running from this fight. Ran to the chapel at this point getting back in to the wall at hydroponics. Start fighting back, I forgot to mention my taser was empty at this point. While fighting back, he splits in fucking two and there's two Roberts now.

Things get very dire at this point, I'm able to run back to security's lobby and in a bold move I decided to charge my taser and stand my ground and go to grab it. I end up pulling it off and run out of the room tasing one and beating him to death. The second one comes flying into the hallway again and we fight to the bridge. I again attempt the tactic to charge my gun and this time he gets it. Now knowing it's now or never I took three stimpaks and ran to the empty glass in the room while dodging the tasers. I pick it up and break it and use it as a shard. The fight goes on for what felt like about five to ten minutes and I was able to bleed him out and cause him to slip and I beat him to death with my baton. He woke up mid beating and said lag hit him and I told him "Rip, Good Fight" and killed him.

Wizard later came and turned me into a raccon the end.
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(03-13-2018, 08:49 PM)Ed Venture Wrote: Last round of ass day was my first round of assday. Let me tell you how it went. Prepare for a wall of text...

Ahh, so you were my worthy adversary! It was a very good fight. I think me taking a stimpack earlier was the reason I was forced to stand still. I haven't really used them before, but at least now I know exactly how they work!
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I played nearly every ass day round cept for the last one cuz my internet crapped out. Woulda loved to seen that battle royale had my internet been half decent.
Reply
One Tommy and His Gun; A Comedy and Drama for the Ages, in One Part
(SCENE: the office of a JANITOR on COGSTATION 1. The JANITOR, whose name is unimportant, is GEARING UP)

Suddenly, a TOMMY GUN appears.

JANITOR: Cor, I've never seen one of these in the flesh before! I better make the most of this!

The JANITOR begins running through the STATION, shooting indiscriminately; the halls echo with cries: "You're tearing me apart, Lisa!"

JANITOR: I am the Tommynator! I am invincible! I am on the ground??? No! Give me that back! No! ShitshitSHITSHITSHITSHI-

...

So our protagonist was born, and so he received his solemn goal which most definitely did not only come about some time later in Medbay. Irrespective of the facts, Tommy had lost his gun.
  Tummy's first lead on his gun came from a Lizardperson security officer, who assured Tommee the gun had been thoroughly in-the-trash-thrown. Knowing the crusher was open, Tammii was forlorn, but regained hope when it turned up in the hands of a green doctor who had gone to speak with Security! Using his wreck of a mouth, Tyomny spat what passed for words at the doctor until the gun was placed under his wonderful nose, separated from him only by one of those weird window/door combinations. His most heart-like organ pumping, he reached towards the glass -

  The lizard picked it up.

  Perhaps Tommy would have given up here, but he was spurred on by a voice that came from deep, deep within him and just happened to sound like the kind of woman who'd end up administrating a weird space game made in a graphical MUD engine aimed at teenage weeaboos. Tómmÿ heeded not the lies of the security officers who claimed his gun destroyed; he knew it was in their hands that he would find it. Barely equipped but highly determined, Томми used a stolen ID card to crawl behind the back doors of Security. There, breaking into the brig from the rear, he found a brother with the captain's spare ID and a heart full of crime. No words were exchanged; Tommy made his way into the brig.

  The fight that followed as the Lizardperson tried to throw Tomi out of the brig was messy confusing epic, but Thomy and Captain prevailed in the end. With his reptile foe's ID card in one hand and a stun baton in the other, Tommo resisted all opposition and searched every nook and cranny of Security. Alas, he was disappointed, for The Gun was nowhere! Once more, it was only his inner voice that spurred him on: if it's not in any lockers, and the lizard doesn't have it, then another officer must!. The first of the remaining two officers, Nathan Zabloaf, happily submitted to a search and was innocent; it was on his search for the otherofficer, Jane Morgan, that Τομμυ found the lead he needed: she was firing it in the halls!

  Yet again, an epic struggle for Tommie, but he was soon taken down and stripped of all his worldly goods by the security officers who so deftly serve as our antagonists. As تومي begged for mercy, though, there was an event that came wholly unanticipated: wormholes. The lizard pushed Tom into one that appeared conveniently beside our hero, and, though initially filled with terror, トミー soon found he was trapped in a window! On one side, open space by the public market! On the other, a table in the HoP's quarters. The Morgan entity, having taken a portal nearby and still possessed of The Gun, wormed herself into the bedroom. Tommy desperately flapped his mouth hole in a negotiatory fashion, but could convince the terrible Jane only to drop the gun just outside of his reach.

  Meanwhile, the lizard approached through space, unaware that ??? had on his person the HoP's spaced rum. Still, this quickly became irrelevant, as Thommi's reptile opponent had brought with him stinger grenades. The first almost but not quite breached the HoP's quarters, but de-pressurised the public market. Leaving behind the good-friend dog that was trying desperately to bring the gun closer to him, Томмі deftly dodged his opponents and swooped into EVA for a spacesuit and jetpack. It was tense: the door closed behind him; he had no access. Refusing to let this get in his way, /ˈtɒmi/ grabbed a wrench and set to breaking out. As the grille that separated him from the combined force of the lizard and Nathan Zabloaf fell, Tummee heard the unmistakeable sound of a stinger grenade falling at his feet.
 
  BOOM! Or possibly BANG! Please insert your preferred onomatopoeia. Was this it for Tammly? Perhaps, but you can't take him down that easily - the explosion detonated a nearby welding fuel tank, bathing all nearby in fire. Tämmi, resolute of purpose, charged towards the window that kept him from his prize, but his energy only went so far. He collapsed in front of the dreaded window as his opponents met their end in an inferno of their own creation. Weak and dying, his goal so close but yet so far, he had only enough energy to whisper weakly for the last time:
 
  "You're tearing me apart!"
 
...

(SCENE: the office of an IMPORTANT MAN in the BIG MOVIE BUILDING, Maybe Hollywood, Probably USA. The IMPORTANT MAN is sat behind his DESK, reading a SCREENPLAY. A SUPPLICANT is humbly kissing the floor.)

SUPPLICANT: What do you think, o mighty one? Is it worthy?

The IMPORTANT MAN stares blankly at the screenplay. He struggles to comprehend what he has read.

SUPPLICANT: Your holiness?

The IMPORTANT MAN looks up, bearing on his face varying quantities of disgust, confusion, disappointment, anger and arousal. He opens his MOUTH.

IMPORTANT MAN: What the fuck is it with you and Tommy Wiseau?!

~fin~
Reply
(03-19-2018, 01:15 PM)Avack Wrote: One Tommy and His Gun; A Comedy and Drama for the Ages, in One Part
(SCENE: the office of a JANITOR on COGSTATION 1. The JANITOR, whose name is unimportant, is GEARING UP)

Suddenly, a TOMMY GUN appears.

JANITOR: Cor, I've never seen one of these in the flesh before! I better make the most of this!

The JANITOR begins running through the STATION, shooting indiscriminately; the halls echo with cries: "You're tearing me apart, Lisa!"

JANITOR: I am the Tommynator! I am invincible! I am on the ground??? No! Give me that back! No! ShitshitSHITSHITSHITSHI-

...

So our protagonist was born, and so he received his solemn goal which most definitely did not only come about some time later in Medbay. Irrespective of the facts, Tommy had lost his gun.
  Tummy's first lead on his gun came from a Lizardperson security officer, who assured Tommee the gun had been thoroughly in-the-trash-thrown. Knowing the crusher was open, Tammii was forlorn, but regained hope when it turned up in the hands of a green doctor who had gone to speak with Security! Using his wreck of a mouth, Tyomny spat what passed for words at the doctor until the gun was placed under his wonderful nose, separated from him only by one of those weird window/door combinations. His most heart-like organ pumping, he reached towards the glass -

  The lizard picked it up.

  Perhaps Tommy would have given up here, but he was spurred on by a voice that came from deep, deep within him and just happened to sound like the kind of woman who'd end up administrating a weird space game made in a graphical MUD engine aimed at teenage weeaboos. Tómmÿ heeded not the lies of the security officers who claimed his gun destroyed; he knew it was in their hands that he would find it. Barely equipped but highly determined, Томми used a stolen ID card to crawl behind the back doors of Security. There, breaking into the brig from the rear, he found a brother with the captain's spare ID and a heart full of crime. No words were exchanged; Tommy made his way into the brig.

  The fight that followed as the Lizardperson tried to throw Tomi out of the brig was messy confusing epic, but Thomy and Captain prevailed in the end. With his reptile foe's ID card in one hand and a stun baton in the other, Tommo resisted all opposition and searched every nook and cranny of Security. Alas, he was disappointed, for The Gun was nowhere! Once more, it was only his inner voice that spurred him on: if it's not in any lockers, and the lizard doesn't have it, then another officer must!. The first of the remaining two officers, Nathan Zabloaf, happily submitted to a search and was innocent; it was on his search for the otherofficer, Jane Morgan, that Τομμυ found the lead he needed: she was firing it in the halls!

  Yet again, an epic struggle for Tommie, but he was soon taken down and stripped of all his worldly goods by the security officers who so deftly serve as our antagonists. As تومي begged for mercy, though, there was an event that came wholly unanticipated: wormholes. The lizard pushed Tom into one that appeared conveniently beside our hero, and, though initially filled with terror, トミー soon found he was trapped in a window! On one side, open space by the public market! On the other, a table in the HoP's quarters. The Morgan entity, having taken a portal nearby and still possessed of The Gun, wormed herself into the bedroom. Tommy desperately flapped his mouth hole in a negotiatory fashion, but could convince the terrible Jane only to drop the gun just outside of his reach.

  Meanwhile, the lizard approached through space, unaware that ??? had on his person the HoP's spaced rum. Still, this quickly became irrelevant, as Thommi's reptile opponent had brought with him stinger grenades. The first almost but not quite breached the HoP's quarters, but de-pressurised the public market. Leaving behind the good-friend dog that was trying desperately to bring the gun closer to him, Томмі deftly dodged his opponents and swooped into EVA for a spacesuit and jetpack. It was tense: the door closed behind him; he had no access. Refusing to let this get in his way, /ˈtɒmi/ grabbed a wrench and set to breaking out. As the grille that separated him from the combined force of the lizard and Nathan Zabloaf fell, Tummee heard the unmistakeable sound of a stinger grenade falling at his feet.
 
  BOOM! Or possibly BANG! Please insert your preferred onomatopoeia. Was this it for Tammly? Perhaps, but you can't take him down that easily - the explosion detonated a nearby welding fuel tank, bathing all nearby in fire. Tämmi, resolute of purpose, charged towards the window that kept him from his prize, but his energy only went so far. He collapsed in front of the dreaded window as his opponents met their end in an inferno of their own creation. Weak and dying, his goal so close but yet so far, he had only enough energy to whisper weakly for the last time:
 
  "You're tearing me apart!"
 
...

(SCENE: the office of an IMPORTANT MAN in the BIG MOVIE BUILDING, Maybe Hollywood, Probably USA. The IMPORTANT MAN is sat behind his DESK, reading a SCREENPLAY. A SUPPLICANT is humbly kissing the floor.)

SUPPLICANT: What do you think, o mighty one? Is it worthy?

The IMPORTANT MAN stares blankly at the screenplay. He struggles to comprehend what he has read.

SUPPLICANT: Your holiness?

The IMPORTANT MAN looks up, bearing on his face varying quantities of disgust, confusion, disappointment, anger and arousal. He opens his MOUTH.

IMPORTANT MAN: What the fuck is it with you and Tommy Wiseau?!

~fin~

Upload this to Reddit, this is pure gold
Reply
(03-19-2018, 02:49 PM)Wisecrack34 Wrote:
(03-19-2018, 01:15 PM)Avack Wrote: One Tommy and His Gun; A Comedy and Drama for the Ages, in One Part
(SCENE: the office of a JANITOR on COGSTATION 1. The JANITOR, whose name is unimportant, is GEARING UP)

Suddenly, a TOMMY GUN appears.

JANITOR: Cor, I've never seen one of these in the flesh before! I better make the most of this!

The JANITOR begins running through the STATION, shooting indiscriminately; the halls echo with cries: "You're tearing me apart, Lisa!"

JANITOR: I am the Tommynator! I am invincible! I am on the ground??? No! Give me that back! No! ShitshitSHITSHITSHITSHI-

...

So our protagonist was born, and so he received his solemn goal which most definitely did not only come about some time later in Medbay. Irrespective of the facts, Tommy had lost his gun.
  Tummy's first lead on his gun came from a Lizardperson security officer, who assured Tommee the gun had been thoroughly in-the-trash-thrown. Knowing the crusher was open, Tammii was forlorn, but regained hope when it turned up in the hands of a green doctor who had gone to speak with Security! Using his wreck of a mouth, Tyomny spat what passed for words at the doctor until the gun was placed under his wonderful nose, separated from him only by one of those weird window/door combinations. His most heart-like organ pumping, he reached towards the glass -

  The lizard picked it up.

  Perhaps Tommy would have given up here, but he was spurred on by a voice that came from deep, deep within him and just happened to sound like the kind of woman who'd end up administrating a weird space game made in a graphical MUD engine aimed at teenage weeaboos. Tómmÿ heeded not the lies of the security officers who claimed his gun destroyed; he knew it was in their hands that he would find it. Barely equipped but highly determined, Томми used a stolen ID card to crawl behind the back doors of Security. There, breaking into the brig from the rear, he found a brother with the captain's spare ID and a heart full of crime. No words were exchanged; Tommy made his way into the brig.

  The fight that followed as the Lizardperson tried to throw Tomi out of the brig was messy confusing epic, but Thomy and Captain prevailed in the end. With his reptile foe's ID card in one hand and a stun baton in the other, Tommo resisted all opposition and searched every nook and cranny of Security. Alas, he was disappointed, for The Gun was nowhere! Once more, it was only his inner voice that spurred him on: if it's not in any lockers, and the lizard doesn't have it, then another officer must!. The first of the remaining two officers, Nathan Zabloaf, happily submitted to a search and was innocent; it was on his search for the otherofficer, Jane Morgan, that Τομμυ found the lead he needed: she was firing it in the halls!

  Yet again, an epic struggle for Tommie, but he was soon taken down and stripped of all his worldly goods by the security officers who so deftly serve as our antagonists. As تومي begged for mercy, though, there was an event that came wholly unanticipated: wormholes. The lizard pushed Tom into one that appeared conveniently beside our hero, and, though initially filled with terror, トミー soon found he was trapped in a window! On one side, open space by the public market! On the other, a table in the HoP's quarters. The Morgan entity, having taken a portal nearby and still possessed of The Gun, wormed herself into the bedroom. Tommy desperately flapped his mouth hole in a negotiatory fashion, but could convince the terrible Jane only to drop the gun just outside of his reach.

  Meanwhile, the lizard approached through space, unaware that ??? had on his person the HoP's spaced rum. Still, this quickly became irrelevant, as Thommi's reptile opponent had brought with him stinger grenades. The first almost but not quite breached the HoP's quarters, but de-pressurised the public market. Leaving behind the good-friend dog that was trying desperately to bring the gun closer to him, Томмі deftly dodged his opponents and swooped into EVA for a spacesuit and jetpack. It was tense: the door closed behind him; he had no access. Refusing to let this get in his way, /ˈtɒmi/ grabbed a wrench and set to breaking out. As the grille that separated him from the combined force of the lizard and Nathan Zabloaf fell, Tummee heard the unmistakeable sound of a stinger grenade falling at his feet.
 
  BOOM! Or possibly BANG! Please insert your preferred onomatopoeia. Was this it for Tammly? Perhaps, but you can't take him down that easily - the explosion detonated a nearby welding fuel tank, bathing all nearby in fire. Tämmi, resolute of purpose, charged towards the window that kept him from his prize, but his energy only went so far. He collapsed in front of the dreaded window as his opponents met their end in an inferno of their own creation. Weak and dying, his goal so close but yet so far, he had only enough energy to whisper weakly for the last time:
 
  "You're tearing me apart!"
 
...

(SCENE: the office of an IMPORTANT MAN in the BIG MOVIE BUILDING, Maybe Hollywood, Probably USA. The IMPORTANT MAN is sat behind his DESK, reading a SCREENPLAY. A SUPPLICANT is humbly kissing the floor.)

SUPPLICANT: What do you think, o mighty one? Is it worthy?

The IMPORTANT MAN stares blankly at the screenplay. He struggles to comprehend what he has read.

SUPPLICANT: Your holiness?

The IMPORTANT MAN looks up, bearing on his face varying quantities of disgust, confusion, disappointment, anger and arousal. He opens his MOUTH.

IMPORTANT MAN: What the fuck is it with you and Tommy Wiseau?!

~fin~

Upload this to Reddit, this is pure gold

  (thanks pope)
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