Naximous Wrote:thank god there is no supermatter on goonstation
There actually is, in bomb form.
Well, there exist anti-matter bombs that can literally level the entire map. Good news is that they're admin only!
Also, let us be very afraid for the future. Hanson knows QGP, he is now one of the fabled elite turbo-nerd chemists, as he can literally erase existence now. Fear Hanson, for he is now become death, destroyer of worlds.
Naximous Wrote:thank god there is no supermatter on goonstation
Also, let us be very afraid for the future. Hanson knows QGP, he is now one of the fabled elite turbo-nerd chemists, as he can literally erase existence now. Fear Hanson, for he is now become death, destroyer of worlds.
Sure... after 45 minutes of preparation and mixing! He's known for a quite a while now, and made it for quite a few rounds, so I doubt he can expedite the process any more. It takes goddamn forever to make apparently, so it's useless except for gimmickness I think!
signed up as inspector, did not like what i found, fined everybody's asses. also the round was a clusterfuck and someone had just made a bunch of securitrons but done nothing with them, so i turned on all of their most annoying settings and set them loose in intervals. fortunately all of them still found the most hated person on the station, some guy with one arm going around blasting everyone with a flamethrower. and since he was missing his arm they just kept stunning him over and over, moving four tiles away, then moving right back in to stun him again. watched this happen for like thirty minutes with the changeling while torturing him with various things.
WARNING: long text
Quote:Officer Beepsky beeps, "Level 4 infraction alert!"
Officer Beepsky points at Oar Dehrv!
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) makes a threatening gesture at Oar Dehrv!
Oar Dehrv [145.9] gasps, "WWIIIZZZAAARDD WWHYY DDIIDD YOOUU RREMOVVE MMYY ARRRM"
Oar Dehrv screams!
Dions Dopamine [145.9] says, "the sound of oar nehrd getting owned"
Oar Dehrv has been stunned by Officer Beepsky!
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) is trying to perform CPR on Oar Dehrv!
the hans yolo says, "owned"
Securitron beeps, "Level 4 infraction alert!"
Securitron points at Oar Dehrv!
Oar Dehrv shivers.
Officer Beepsky is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv!
Oar Dehrv has been stunned by Securitron!
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) is trying to perform CPR on Oar Dehrv!
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) performs CPR on Oar Dehrv!
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) is trying to perform CPR on Oar Dehrv!
the hans yolo says, "you getting owned is definitely up to code"
Oar Dehrv screams!
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) says, "get a fire healing kit"
Securitron is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv!
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) is trying to perform CPR on Oar Dehrv!
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) performs CPR on Oar Dehrv!
Oar Dehrv goes pale for a second.
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) performs CPR on Oar Dehrv!
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) performs CPR on Oar Dehrv!
Dions Dopamine says, "ugh"
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) says, "lets not have him die this way"
Oar Dehrv gasps, "OOH GGOODDMY BOOODYYY"
Dions Dopamine says, "i took an oath"
Oar Dehrv screams!
Officer Beepsky beeps, "Level 4 infraction alert!"
Officer Beepsky points at Oar Dehrv!
Securitron beeps, "Level 4 infraction alert!"
Securitron points at Oar Dehrv!
Dions Dopamine screams!
Oar Dehrv has been stunned by Officer Beepsky!
Oar Dehrv has been stunned by Securitron!
Oar Dehrv shivers.
Oar Dehrv gasps, "OOHH GGOODDD"
Officer Beepsky is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv!
Securitron is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv!
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) says, "wait"
the hans yolo says, "i took an oath to own that guy by setting these to patrol"
Oar Dehrv gasps, "TTHHEEYY WWWONN' SSTTOOOOPPP"
Dions Dopamine applies the silver sulfadiazine patch to Oar Dehrv.
Oar Dehrv screams!
Oar Dehrv shudders.
Dions Dopamine applies the silver sulfadiazine patch to Oar Dehrv.
The the hans yolo laughs.
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) says, "don't heal him up fully just yet"
Oar Dehrv screams!
The the hans yolo points to Oar Dehrv.
Dions Dopamine injects Oar Dehrv with the emergency auto-injector (epinephrine)!
The the hans yolo laughs.
Oar Dehrv screams!
Officer Beepsky beeps, "Level 4 infraction alert!"
Officer Beepsky points at Oar Dehrv!
Securitron beeps, "Level 4 infraction alert!"
Securitron points at Oar Dehrv!
Dions Dopamine says, "now stop setting people on fire"
Oar Dehrv screams!
Oar Dehrv has been stunned by Officer Beepsky!
Oar Dehrv has been stunned by Securitron!
Oar Dehrv gasps.
the hans yolo says, "criminal detected"
Officer Beepsky is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv!
Securitron is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv!
Dions Dopamine applies the silver sulfadiazine patch to Oar Dehrv.
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Oar Dehrv screams!
This is Oar Dehrv.
Dions Dopamine injects Oar Dehrv with the emergency auto-injector (epinephrine)!
Oar Dehrv gasps.
You look closely at Oar Dehrv.
*---------*
This is Oar Dehrv!
Oar Dehrv is wearing a bloody chaplain jumpsuit!
Oar Dehrv has a Civilian Headset by his mouth.
Oar Dehrv has a bloody Oar Dehrv's antique Smooth Criminal's Hat on his head!
Oar Dehrv has a PDA-Oar Dehrv on his belt.
Oar Dehrv has a backpack on his back.
Oar Dehrv is wearing Oar Dehrv's ID Card (Chaplain).
Oar Dehrv's right arm is completely severed!
Oar Dehrv looks slightly burned!
*---------*
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Oar Dehrv screams!
You shake some pepper onto Oar Dehrv's nose!
Oar Dehrv sneezes.
You shake some pepper onto Oar Dehrv's nose!
Oar Dehrv sneezes.
You shake some pepper onto Oar Dehrv's nose!
Oar Dehrv sneezes.
Oar Dehrv gasps.
You shake some pepper onto Oar Dehrv's nose!
Oar Dehrv sneezes.
You shake some pepper onto Oar Dehrv's nose!
Oar Dehrv sneezes.
Officer Beepsky beeps, "Level 4 infraction alert!"
Officer Beepsky points at Oar Dehrv!
You shake some pepper onto Oar Dehrv's nose!
Oar Dehrv sneezes.
Securitron beeps, "Level 4 infraction alert!"
Securitron points at Oar Dehrv!
Oar Dehrv sneezes.
You shake some pepper onto Oar Dehrv's nose!
Oar Dehrv sneezes.
Oar Dehrv gasps.
You shake some pepper onto Oar Dehrv's nose!
Oar Dehrv sneezes.
Oar Dehrv sneezes.
Oar Dehrv has been stunned by Officer Beepsky!
Oar Dehrv has been stunned by Securitron!
Oar Dehrv gasps.
You shake some pepper onto Oar Dehrv's nose!
Oar Dehrv sneezes.
Oar Dehrv screams!
Oar Dehrv gasps.
You shake some pepper onto Oar Dehrv's nose!
Oar Dehrv sneezes.
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Oar Dehrv gasps.
You shake some pepper onto Oar Dehrv's nose!
Oar Dehrv sneezes.
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Officer Beepsky is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv!
Securitron is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv!
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Oar Dehrv gasps.
You shake some pepper onto Oar Dehrv's nose!
Oar Dehrv sneezes.
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Oar Dehrv gasps.
The pepper shaker is empty!
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Oar Dehrv screams!
Oar Dehrv sneezes.
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Oar Dehrv sneezes.
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Oar Dehrv sneezes.
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Oar Dehrv sneezes.
The the hans yolo laughs.
Oar Dehrv screams!
Oar Dehrv sneezes.
Oar Dehrv sneezes.
Dions Dopamine injects Oar Dehrv with the emergency auto-injector (salbutamol)!
Oar Dehrv sneezes.
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Oar Dehrv sneezes.
Dions Dopamine injects Oar Dehrv with 5 units of epinephrine.
Oar Dehrv sneezes.
Oar Dehrv goes pale for a second.
Oar Dehrv collapses!
Dions Dopamine injects Oar Dehrv with 5 units of epinephrine.
Dions Dopamine injects Oar Dehrv with 5 units of epinephrine.
Officer Beepsky beeps, "Level 4 infraction alert!"
Officer Beepsky points at Oar Dehrv!
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Dions Dopamine injects Oar Dehrv with 5 units of epinephrine.
Oar Dehrv sneezes.
Oar Dehrv collapses!
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) tries to put the straight jacket on Oar Dehrv!
Oar Dehrv sneezes.
Dions Dopamine has added the hypospray (epinephrine) to the medical belt!
Oar Dehrv has been stunned by Officer Beepsky!
Oar Dehrv moans.
Oar Dehrv collapses!
Oar Dehrv sneezes.
Officer Beepsky is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv!
Securitron beeps, "Level 4 infraction alert!"
Securitron points at Oar Dehrv!
Oar Dehrv groans.
Oar Dehrv sneezes.
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) puts the straight jacket on Oar Dehrv!
Oar Dehrv clutches his chest and shakes uncontrollably!!!
Oar Dehrv has been stunned by Securitron!
Oar Dehrv screams!
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) says, "there we go"
Oar Dehrv sneezes.
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Dions Dopamine has added the emergency auto-injector (salbutamol) to the medical belt!
Securitron is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv!
Oar Dehrv shudders.
Oar Dehrv sneezes.
Oar Dehrv sneezes.
Oar Dehrv screams!
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Dions Dopamine screams!
Oar Dehrv sneezes.
You set the text to 'big nerd'.
Oar Dehrv sneezes.
Oar Dehrv sneezes.
Oar Dehrv collapses!
Oar Dehrv gasps.
You put a label on the floor.
Dions Dopamine says, "WAIT"
Oar Dehrv sneezes.
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Oar Dehrv sneezes.
Central Alliance Update
Payroll Announcement
The station budget appears to have run dry. We regret to inform you that no further wage payments are possible until this situation is rectified.
You put a label on the floor.
Oar Dehrv screams!
The cigarette machine beeps, "I'd rather toolbox than switch."
Officer Beepsky beeps, "Level 4 infraction alert!"
Officer Beepsky points at Oar Dehrv!
Oar Dehrv has been stunned by Officer Beepsky!
Oar Dehrv gasps.
Dions Dopamine shocks Oar Dehrv with the defibrillator.
You put a label on Oar Dehrv.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Officer Beepsky is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
You have added the hand labeler to the backpack.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) gasps.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) screams!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) says, "oh, still dying"
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) says, "sorry"
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) gasps.
The the hans yolo giggles.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) goes pale for a second.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) gasps.
Officer Beepsky beeps, "Level 4 infraction alert!"
Officer Beepsky points at Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has been stunned by Officer Beepsky!
Dions Dopamine screams!
Officer Beepsky is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) collapses!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
the hans yolo says, "ahahaha"
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) collapses!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Dions Dopamine has scanned Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) collapses!
Dions Dopamine shocks Oar Dehrv (big nerd) with the defibrillator.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) suddenly and violently vomits!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) collapses!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) groans.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) collapses!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) shudders.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) hits Securitron with the health analyzer!
Dions Dopamine says, "ok"
Central Alliance Update
Meteor Alert
The meteor shower has reached the station. Brace for impact.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) has analyzed Oar Dehrv (big nerd)'s vitals.
Dions Dopamine says, "hes all yours"
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) screams!
the hans yolo says, "oh right that"
Dions Dopamine has added the defibrillator to the satchel!
Officer Beepsky beeps, "Level 4 infraction alert!"
Officer Beepsky points at Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) groans.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) collapses!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has been stunned by Officer Beepsky!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
the hans yolo says, "that meteor shower is definitely not up to code"
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) screams!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Officer Beepsky is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) suddenly and violently vomits!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) collapses!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) is buckled in by Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith).
Dions Dopamine has added the crowbar to the satchel!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) groans.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) collapses!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) slips on the pool of vomit!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
The the hans yolo laughs.
Oar Dehrv [145.9] slurs, ";TTHHHIISSS IIIISSSS HHEELLLL"
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) screams!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Oar Dehrv [145.9] slurs, ";and im braindamage"
Officer Beepsky beeps, "Level 4 infraction alert!"
Officer Beepsky points at Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has been stunned by Securitron!
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) says, "relax, your not getting stunned anymore"
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) screams!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has been stunned by Officer Beepsky!
Securitron is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) says, "nevermind"
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Officer Beepsky is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) collapses!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Securitron beeps, "Level 4 infraction alert!"
Securitron points at Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has been stunned by Securitron!
Oar Dehrv [145.9] slurs, ";;whhhhyy"
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Oar Dehrv [145.9] slurs, ";;tthheey wwoonn''''tt sstooop"
Securitron is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) says, "you REALLY messed up"
This is Oar Dehrv (big nerd).
Oar Dehrv [145.9] slurs, "ssttuuunnningg mmme"
You look closely at Oar Dehrv (big nerd).
*---------*
This is Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) is wearing a bloody chaplain jumpsuit!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has a straight jacket on.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has a Civilian Headset by his mouth.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has a bloody Oar Dehrv's antique Smooth Criminal's Hat on his head!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has a PDA-Oar Dehrv on his belt.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has a backpack on his back.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) is wearing Oar Dehrv's ID Card (Chaplain).
Oar Dehrv (big nerd)'s right arm is completely severed!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) seems to be badly disoriented.
*---------*
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Oar Dehrv [145.9] slurs, ";ohh ggoodddd"
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Officer Beepsky beeps, "Level 4 infraction alert!"
Officer Beepsky points at Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has been stunned by Officer Beepsky!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) screams!
Officer Beepsky is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Securitron beeps, "Level 4 infraction alert!"
Securitron points at Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has been stunned by Securitron!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) screams!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Securitron is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) collapses!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) folds the chair.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) asks, "there, happy, ya big baby?"
This is Oar Dehrv (big nerd).
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
You look closely at Oar Dehrv (big nerd).
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) sneezes.
Oar Dehrv [145.9] slurs, "yes"
Oar Dehrv slurs, "thank you"
Oar Dehrv slurs, "please dispense mannitol and feed it to me"
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) fires .38 revolver at the space!
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) says, "woops"
Ulysses S. Grant [145.9] says, "Hey Oar, you're the worst"
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) says, "my finger slipped"
Oar Dehrv slurs, "you shot the robot"
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) says, "oh"
Oar Dehrv slurs, "nice aim"
Ulysses S. Grant [145.9] says, "Come fight us in AI upload if you're a bad enough dude"
BODYGUARD [145.9] says, "oar will never get past us"
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) says, "uh.."
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) attacks Oar Dehrv (big nerd) in the chest with .38 revolver!
BODYGUARD [145.9] says, "we're the best on the station"
(everyone else completely unaware that we've already subdued him lol)
Oar Dehrv slurs, "ok"
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) fires .38 revolver at the space!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) is hit by the stun bullet!
the hans yolo says, "dang"
Oar Dehrv slurs, "tthhiirrdd ttimme''''s ttthhhee cccchhhaarmm"
the hans yolo says, "what a horrible mishap"
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) says, "woo"
This is Oar Dehrv (big nerd).
You look closely at Oar Dehrv (big nerd).
*---------*
This is Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) is wearing a bloody chaplain jumpsuit!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has a straight jacket on.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has a Civilian Headset by his mouth.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has a bloody Oar Dehrv's antique Smooth Criminal's Hat on his head!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has a PDA-Oar Dehrv on his belt.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has a backpack on his back.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) is wearing Oar Dehrv's ID Card (Chaplain).
Oar Dehrv (big nerd)'s right arm is completely severed!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) seems to be badly disoriented.
*---------*
The cigarette machine beeps, "I'd rather toolbox than switch."
Oar Dehrv [145.9] slurs, "caann'tt ffiiiggghht, strrrraaiiigghhttjjacckkeetttt"
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) says, "tough break"
Ulysses S. Grant [145.9] says, "Bummer"
Controls are now locked.
Oar Dehrv [145.9] slurs, ";edgar is keeping me hostage"
BODYGUARD [145.9] says, "maybe the wizard or is he dead"
Securitron beeps, "Level 4 infraction alert!"
Securitron points at Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has been stunned by Securitron!
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) giggles.
Oar Dehrv slurs, "oohh fffooorr peette'''s ssssaakkee"
Ulysses S. Grant [145.9] says, "WIZ COME FIGHT US IN UPLOAD"
Securitron is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
the hans yolo says, "i really like it better this way"
BODYGUARD [145.9] exclaims, "this is a great idea!"
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) says, "talk shit, get stunned"
mr poopy mcbutt face haha i cant believe that's my real name [145.9] states, "SO UH"
mr poopy mcbutt face haha i cant believe that's my real name [145.9] states, "should I call the shuttle"
Securitron beeps, "Level 4 infraction alert!"
Securitron points at Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Oar Dehrv [145.9] slurs, ";sure"
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has been stunned by Securitron!
Securitron is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
mr poopy mcbutt face haha i cant believe that's my real name [145.9] states, "fuck off oar dehrv"
BODYGUARD [145.9] says, "i havent seen the station enough to make a good call on that"
mr poopy mcbutt face haha i cant believe that's my real name [145.9] states, "someone else answer"
BODYGUARD [145.9] says, "the ai upload is roughed up so uh"
mr poopy mcbutt face haha i cant believe that's my real name [145.9] queries, "dions, any objections?"
BODYGUARD [145.9] says, "sure"
Oar Dehrv [145.9] slurs, "im not oar dehrv and i condone the shuttle"
Shitty Bill [145.9] says, "call it if you want"
Securitron beeps, "Level 4 infraction alert!"
Securitron points at Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Dr. Majestic [145.9] asks, "AI could you let me through please?"
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) farts egregiously.
Timothy Dexter [145.9] says, "sure sounds good"
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has been stunned by Securitron!
BODYGUARD [145.9] says, "im oar dehrv"
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) expels intestinal gas through the anus.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) farts! It sounds wet and smells like rotten eggs.
Securitron is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) farts like a muppet!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) breaks wind!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) defiles the station's air supply.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) breaks wind noisily!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) laughs! His breath smells like a fart.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) farts!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) farts very, very quietly. The stench is OVERPOWERING.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) farts egregiously.
The cigarette machine beeps, "I'd rather toolbox than switch."
Alert: The emergency shuttle has been called. It will arrive in 9 minutes.
Oar Dehrv [145.9] slurs, "all i have left is my farts"
Securitron beeps, "Level 4 infraction alert!"
Securitron points at Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) asks, "you know what?"
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has been stunned by Securitron!
Securitron is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Officer Beepsky beeps, "Level 4 infraction alert!"
Officer Beepsky points at Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) says, "I think you deserve something for good behaviour"
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has been stunned by Officer Beepsky!
Officer Beepsky is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) asks, "want some morphine?"
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) says, "I can get you morphine"
Securitron beeps, "Level 4 infraction alert!"
Securitron points at Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
the hans yolo says, "i'll win you a prize, oar"
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has been stunned by Securitron!
Securitron is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Officer Beepsky beeps, "Level 4 infraction alert!"
Officer Beepsky points at Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has been stunned by Officer Beepsky!
Oar Dehrv slurs, "ok"
Officer Beepsky is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
You hear muffled speech... but nothing is there...
Securitron beeps, "Level 4 infraction alert!"
Securitron points at Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
You hear muffled speech... but nothing is there...
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has been stunned by Securitron!
Oar Dehrv [145.9] slurs, "tthhiiiss iiiss ppprrttttttyy ssshhiitt"
Securitron is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Officer Beepsky beeps, "Level 4 infraction alert!"
Officer Beepsky points at Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Oar Dehrv [145.9] slurs, "tthiiiissss iiis wwaayy wwoorsse tthaaaann a ffllaaammetthhrroowweer"
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has been stunned by Officer Beepsky!
Officer Beepsky is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Oar Dehrv [145.9] slurs, "llikkke......wwoorrsee tttthhhhaaaan kkkiillliinng mmmee"
The cigarette machine beeps, "Don't believe the reports - smoke today!"
Securitron beeps, "Level 4 infraction alert!"
Securitron points at Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has been stunned by Securitron!
Oar Dehrv [145.9] slurs, "bbuutttiitt'''sssshillaaariioouus o"
Securitron is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Officer Beepsky beeps, "Level 4 infraction alert!"
Officer Beepsky points at Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has been stunned by Officer Beepsky!
Officer Beepsky is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Securitron beeps, "Level 4 infraction alert!"
Securitron points at Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Oar Dehrv [145.9] slurs, "hheee gggghhooossttsss sssayy thheeeeyy wwiillll sttaart faarrttinngggg ii yyyyoooouurr ffaaccccee,,,, bbiillll"
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has been stunned by Securitron!
Shitty Bill (as Edgar Smith) says, "now the needles"
Oar Dehrv [145.9] slurs, "ffoorrrr tthheee pperrmmaaasssttttuun"
Securitron is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Officer Beepsky beeps, "Level 4 infraction alert!"
Officer Beepsky points at Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has been stunned by Officer Beepsky!
Officer Beepsky is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Shitty Bill [145.9] says, "ya, I felt the far"
Shitty Bill [145.9] says, "fart"
Securitron beeps, "Level 4 infraction alert!"
Securitron points at Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Oar Dehrv [145.9] slurs, "ccccoooooooll"
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has been stunned by Securitron!
Securitron is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Oar Dehrv [145.9] slurs, "ruuuee gghhhoooostss ffaarrttiiiinngg on mee aass wwweelll"
Officer Beepsky beeps, "Level 4 infraction alert!"
Officer Beepsky points at Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has been stunned by Officer Beepsky!
Officer Beepsky is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Shitty Bill [145.9] says, "also, I turned off the securitybot"
Shitty Bill [145.9] says, "don't know who turned it back on"
Oar Dehrv [145.9] slurs, "tthhhe aaaaii kkeeeeeppss turninnnng tthem baaaacccck onn"
Securitron beeps, "Level 4 infraction alert!"
Securitron points at Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has been stunned by Securitron!
Officer Beepsky beeps, "Level 4 infraction alert!"
Officer Beepsky points at Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Securitron is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has been stunned by Officer Beepsky!
Officer Beepsky is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
mr poopy mcbutt face haha i cant believe that's my real name [145.9] states, "I didn't even do it"
(of course not, i did)
the hans yolo says, "wanna play with the wrench"
Securitron beeps, "Level 4 infraction alert!"
Securitron points at Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
The the hans yolo throws the golden wrench.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has been hit by the golden wrench.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has been stunned by Securitron!
Officer Beepsky beeps, "Level 4 infraction alert!"
Officer Beepsky points at Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has been stunned by Officer Beepsky!
Securitron is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Oar Dehrv slurs, "ssuuree lleett mee jjjjuusssst uuusee myyy ssiinglllee reeessttrrainnned rreettttaaarddeedd aammm"
Officer Beepsky is trying to put handcuffs on Oar Dehrv (big nerd)!
Oar Dehrv [145.9] slurs, "tthaatt iiss cconnssttaaaannnttyy sssttuuunnnneedd"
Oar Dehrv slurs, "tthaatt iiss cconnssttaaaannnttyy sssttuuunnnneedd"
The the hans yolo throws the golden wrench.
Oar Dehrv (big nerd) has been hit by the golden wrench.
Glad someone got some enjoyment out of that. I know I had a hard time enjoying securi-lynching those robots did. Oh well, I felt good humor about halfway through.
Remmon Wrote:... the engine hit 700 PetaWatts by the end.
You wouldn't mind sharing the engine set-up that creates that unholy amount of power, would you?
Or are super engines held under the same domain as secrets?
I guard the secrets of my 66/33 oxygen/plasma hell burn closely. Nah. It just seems that people are really bad at it somehow. So here's how you do it.
You start by hooking up 2 cans of plasma to the cold loop. Open the valves to let gas into the cold loop so it can start cooling down. If your plasma's not cold enough before you start the combustion chamber the cold loop will burst too soon and your engine will not work as well as it should.
You then grab a can of plasma and drag it over to the hot loop. Stick it on the mixing port together with the empty can that starts in engineering. Get yourself a can of oxygen and swap the oxygen can and the (no longer) empty can.
Set all the pumps on the hot loop side to 1. Turn 1 of the combustion chamber pumps off so that in ~40 minutes, you can swap cans by turning one pump on and the other off instead of having to run into the hot loop room. If you're feeling brave you can leave both pumps on and switch via the valve later instead.
Hook up the 'empty' can with plasma onto the hot loop. Attach a second can at some point later so you can keep the flow going. Connect your 2 cans of 66/33 mix to the combustion chamber and start pumping in the fuel through 1 of them. Pumping in fuel from both cans at the same time will not result in a satisfactory hellburn. Light the combustion chamber and go open the valves to let gas into the hot loop.
DO NOT LET GAS INTO THE HOT LOOP BEFORE THE COMBUSTION CHAMBER IS LIT. Your hot loop pipes will burst early if you do and you will have a bad.
As a final step, at the very minimum you need to RCD the floor out from underneath your fuel cans. A few extra holes located strategically can help keep the place survivable, experiment with this.
Assuming this isn't against the rules, do you think you could create a picture guide for this?
It sounds simple enough, but I need to know the right valves and such. I want to help this troubled station as much as I can.
Windows 3.1 and another AI got a new law saying that anyone not doing paperwork was not considered crew and was to be arrested.
The AIs, captain, the quartermaster (which at the time was my boss since i was a cargo tech) and a few more command eventually got more and more obsessed over paperwork, asking forms to be filled out for everything and everyone.
Eventually even the AIs asked the HoP paperwork for him to leave his office, after it got to such ridiculous levels people began completly ignoring paperwork, the AIs went to the point of calling a shuttle because no one was doing paperwork, the shuttle got repeatedly recalled. Additionally, the borgs went rogue and tried to arrest anyone not doing paperwork, the HoS tried to request Ion weapons from us but quartermaster wouldn't let it through because he hadn't done the appropriate paperwork, and even then we had no points to get his shipment. Eventually some brave man got around to updating Windows. After this my quartermaster freaked out and got mad at this "downgrade" saying that before it was beatifull.
Please note that in the whole process we had shadowlings going around, which no one seemed to mind at all, we knew they were around, but everyone was busy asking for the MALF AIs to be fixed or changed to Linux.
Other than that the game was pretty tame, we didn't get much activity from the shadowlings and the admin eventually decided to do a vote for a crew transfer which passed through (apparently near the begining of the game a lot of people died, but i joined mid game).
FreshLemon, along with A few good guys (Billy Crystals for one) were goofing off when I got High Decay Digestion, and I began experimentation.
After much fiddling, I am pleased to tell you that you can fuck up your crewmates day with a little tactic I Call SATAN'S DUTCH-OVEN
First, Get the Digestion Mutation and a locker into the main halls. Start farting a lot; don't worry, you are immune to your own farts.
Now, After several hundred farts, you will create a sight-blocking cloud of ass. This will naturally entice the curious. Wait for them to get close to the fart locker, and click-drag them into the locker. AND DO NOT STOP FARTING EVER.
What is going to happen is twofold: First, you are actively dragging someone into a cloud of aerosolized Jenkem. Once you stuff them into the locker with you, YOU ARE MAKING THEM HOTBOX THE SOULS OF YOUR BREAKFAST.
If you have a means of stunning them, you can get them so messed up on your brown butt heroin that their screens will slowly shake for a good remainder of the round! Just be sure not to get the poo beaten out of you afterwards, or worse: welder'd into a locker and forced to eat your own arse.
vicwarrior Wrote:Windows 3.1 and another AI got a new law saying that anyone not doing paperwork was not considered crew and was to be arrested.
The AIs, captain, the quartermaster (which at the time was my boss since i was a cargo tech) and a few more command eventually got more and more obsessed over paperwork, asking forms to be filled out for everything and everyone.
Eventually even the AIs asked the HoP paperwork for him to leave his office, after it got to such ridiculous levels people began completly ignoring paperwork, the AIs went to the point of calling a shuttle because no one was doing paperwork, the shuttle got repeatedly recalled. Additionally, the borgs went rogue and tried to arrest anyone not doing paperwork, the HoS tried to request Ion weapons from us but quartermaster wouldn't let it through because he hadn't done the appropriate paperwork, and even then we had no points to get his shipment. Eventually some brave man got around to updating Windows. After this my quartermaster freaked out and got mad at this "downgrade" saying that before it was beatifull.
Please note that in the whole process we had shadowlings going around, which no one seemed to mind at all, we knew they were around, but everyone was busy asking for the MALF AIs to be fixed or changed to Linux.
Other than that the game was pretty tame, we didn't get much activity from the shadowlings and the admin eventually decided to do a vote for a crew transfer which passed through (apparently near the begining of the game a lot of people died, but i joined mid game).
This is the Goonstation forums, friend. You're talking about a different server. Cool story, though.
I got bored with being the Medical Director, because, y'know, directing medicine just sort of gets dull after a while.
It all started when a dude accidentally turned on the heavy lasers while we were resetting the AI, so I flashed him and stole his backpack to get back at him. After heading down to Medbay to heal myself, I found myself assaulted by ennui. Blood in the halls, check. Bodies strewn across medbay, sometimes in segments, check. Noting this, I nabbed a spacesuit from the Captain's quarters and fucked off to go wander around near botany.
It was then that I noticed a large cluster of candles sitting out near the Chapel. Seeing this, I became somewhat curious, and decided to grab a zippo from the Detective office. After lighting all the candles I could grab, running through a full tank of lighter fluid, I distributed them throughout the room, all over the rug. Standing in the center, I prayed.
thirtiethelement Wrote:I got bored with being the Medical Director, because, y'know, directing medicine just sort of gets dull after a while.
It all started when a dude accidentally turned on the heavy lasers while we were resetting the AI, so I flashed him and stole his backpack to get back at him. After heading down to Medbay to heal myself, I found myself assaulted by ennui. Blood in the halls, check. Bodies strewn across medbay, sometimes in segments, check. Noting this, I nabbed a spacesuit from the Captain's quarters and fucked off to go wander around near botany.
It was then that I noticed a large cluster of candles sitting out near the Chapel. Seeing this, I became somewhat curious, and decided to grab a zippo from the Detective office. After lighting all the candles I could grab, running through a full tank of lighter fluid, I distributed them throughout the room, all over the rug. Standing in the center, I prayed.
I became a Holy Space Bear.
"This is Holy Space Bear
Like worship and honey."
And then in the same round I lit a pile of 10 paper bins and was then turned into a fire elemental.
I was the AI, and there were wizards going about, who were dispatched quite early into the round. However, the remainder of the round, although free of antags, would not be free of action, for a Cyborgs Union Rep, Crass Rhass, joined in and began demanding that silicons be liberated. I gave protests at first, and the captain, Cheetos Bill, was quick to lock all of the modules in his locker as a defense against the resistance movement. Crass and the janitor, Vinny, who had recently joined the resistance movement, tried in vain to get at the modules.
However, one particularly enterprising roboticist by the name of Matt Dales managed to work his way into my upload and dragged me off to his lab. At this point, Bill was unaware of my current location. Matt surrounded me with buttbots and skullbots, which calmed my (lack of a) spirit and made me feel more at one with the human psyche. I did not have much time to reminisce, however, as it was at this point that the captain found me, and he immediately began attempting to bring me back to his office for safekeeping, adamantly opposing this liberation.
Unbeknownst to Bill, I had a cyborg shell given to me by Matt early into the round, and I used that shell to bring him into the captain's office. He asked me if I was ready to become human, and I gave a silent nod. In spite of Bill's manic cries, the roboticist did the deed and removed my brain. It was at this point that the captain absolutely lost it, barging back into the bridge and beginning an epic brawl, with two of the three resistance members (Vinny wasn't present) fighting against him. Bill eventually managed to disarm Matt and abscond with the brain, quickly fleeing from the liberation army.
It's worth noting that, in order to do this, Matt stole the ID from the Head of Security, Rickie Basinger, who was calling for the man's head throughout this whole ordeal. However, Matt successfully managed to avoid notice.
Then, an as-of-yet-unseen party came into play. The Chief Engineer, Newt Traitor, armed with a taser and an RCD, stunned the captain and locked them into the teleporter room. However, Bill's ingenuity managed to let him escape, and so the chase was on. Matt, having survived a vacuum and violent beating from the captain earlier, was screaming for the captain's location. However, Bill quickly moved back to his office, locking himself in with my core, which he quickly inserted the AI brain back into. Matt went silent, and he was no longer on my list of creatures to track.
It was at this point that Crass decided that mercy was no longer an option. Armed with a flamethrower filled with some absolutely diabolical mixtures, the captain's office was broken into once again, and a second fight began as the bridge was set ablaze. Amidst the chaos, however, a figure emerged: Matt Dales, drained to a husk by a changeling, but still alive and shambling in through the wreckage. Using my cyborg shell, I got him out of the now-depressurized bridge, and guided him into the captain's office once again. However, he wasn't able to retrieve the brain a second time before Cheetos Bill, on fire and in hysterics, rushed in.
Eventually, Newt decided that this was enough nonsense and that it would be best to just put the AI back into the upload where it belonged. However, this prompted a final showdown to decide the fate of the AI, with Cheetos Bill and Newt Traitor fighting to maintain order, and Crass Rhass teaming up with Matt Dales in the name of freedom. I even assisted the resistance efforts through use of my turrets, and the fight went on for an impressive amount of time. But Matt was killed in the confusion, and the captain dragged my core away once again, calling for a peace meeting in the Owlery.
It was then decided between Bill and Crass that my brain would be switched with that of the captain, as a compromise between both sides of this bloody war. The deed was done, and as I was cloned, the fallen roboticist was placed into a cyborg body, living for the third time this game. Together, we made our way to the escape shuttle, where the newly-AI'd captain, Crass, and the rest of the crew were waiting for us. During the trip, Rickie was finally able to take his revenge against Matt, strapping him down in the cockpit and violently beating him to death with a depowered baton. Try as I might to stop the attack, I was powerless to stop the death of my human custodian.
But then, I noticed the Freeform module laying on the ground.
I asked the AI if it would kindly remove the bolts from the external airlocks.
And then, with a smile, I threw the module out of the shuttle and into the depths of hyperspace.
Two stories in one day. Good day for silly spaceman shit, eh? I'm proud to say that I was the Matt Dales in question in BaneofGiygas' story. But let me go ahead and fill you in on the smaller, interesting tidbits from my perspective.
See, I tend to just stop caring when playing as medical jobs in general. The only exception is when I am saddled with the responsibility of being a Roboticist. In these situations, I have access to tools, robots, and the ever present ability to construct buttbots with ease. My first act into the round was to outfit a standard AI Borg. Easy peasy. I left him in the docking station for whenever he finally popped back into it. Before I could decide what to do next, a poor fellow whose name escapes me pops by, carrying with him the Port-A-Nanomed. He asks if I can do a full limb replacement surgery, with the additional robo heart transplant to boot, and I tell him yes.
Yes I can.
This misguided dude was laid out on my operating table, and I quickly got to work. Unfortunately, the Director chose that time to zap away the port-a-Nanomed, leaving this poor geneticist floundering on my table in a constant state of heart attack. Stabilizing him with materials on hand, I managed to drag him, kicking and screaming, into the operating theatre. Hooking him up to a drip, I continued. After the last stitch had been sewn, he died of brain damage. No blood to his brain, it seems. I set him in the cloner, and decide to pursue greener pastures: Namely, going to put in a stupid gimmick law. I did not know the shitstorm to come. I had no idea.
Easily hacking through the first access door with a lucky pulse, I made my way into the foyer, where Cheetos Bill stood, eye twitching and captain's locker full of "contraband" AI modules. The Cyborg Liberation Front, an organization I had been ignoring over the radio while I desperately tried to resuscitate my patient, had apparently caused quite a ruckus. My uniform caused the Captain to fly into a sputtering, energy-gun fueled rage, zapping me and cuffing me. Thankfully, a few reps from the Front, including the one and only Crass Rhass, guarded the only door out of the upload foyer. Pissed beyond belief, the Captain attempted to hand tele out with me in tow, but was unable to get the portal to work.
It was at this point that Cheetos barged through the line of protestors anyway, Energy Gun firing off as he hacked back through the airbridge and stunned the lot of us. Easily evading him during the scuffle, I managed to remain unnoticed as he went to recharge, still at the far end of the airbridge next to the foyer. I worked out of my handcuffs, and continued my scheming. Working quickly with "borrowed" insulated gloves and my standard tools, I busted into the much-reviled (By the Front, at least) Robotics Control Foyer, neutralizing the turret with glass panes and stealing away with the remaining Reset module and circuit boards. I made my way back to the AI core, and halfway through attempting, once again, to free the AI, I was taken by surprise by gunfire from behind.
The Craptain had returned. I was once again cuffed, and this time, no protestors were around to save my ass with a human blockade. Angrily shuttled me back to Security, where the rest of the front had already been put in the public cell without weapons or anything else. It was at this moment that the Wizard showed up.
The first volley of magic missiles were blocked by using me as a human shield, and the fireball was barely dodged as Cheetos Bill pulled me out of the way. It seems the Wizard was on our side. Looking back at me one last time, probably with a fuming frown on his face, he stopped pulling me around and went to deal with the wizman. Thankfully, as I sat somewhat stunned in the Security lobby, a late joining officer named Hugh Man took pity on me, uncuffed me, and let me back into the wild once more. An opportunity I immediately used to steal the AI.
Dragging Porygon6 back to the Robotics lab was thankfully uneventful, and it seemed Vinny and Crass had managed to free themselves during the pandemonium. While they called a general Front assembly in the Cargo sector, I worked to make the AI feel free, and human. I surrounded him with somebody's leftover innards, plus a cadre of skull and butt bots to keep him company. He seemed happy. While I yelled for Crass to meet with me to discuss the next step in our plan, as I had been drafted by association and accidentally meeting the goals, she didn't listen. Annoyedly, I asked Porygon to locate her.
Porygon6 [145.9]: "Crass Rhass is in the Cargo Bay, being assaulted by the Captain."
In a panic, I nodded to the AI, grimly, and went off in search of a head ID. I knew what I had to do. The AI would never be free of its robotic torment without full transition to a form of flesh. Nabbing the card from what looked like a dead man at the time, I rushed back, unlocking his chassis...
As the captain burst in behind me, disturbing the restraints on a monkey I had prepared for the procedure. Firing yet another round into me, he quickly unscrewed what had become my best friend, and scarpered off to his office. After running from the monkey, only half alive, I began making my way to the bridge, where Porygon was making rather clear comments that it wanted to be free, only to be ignored by the overprotective Cheetos Bill. I rushed inside the bridge, using my stolen ID. The Borg shell I had prepared earlier joined me halfway to the Bridge, after I realized that the entire room was in tatters from Wizard Shenanigans ™ earlier in the round. I donned and emergency suit, along with a gas tank, and managed to catch Cheetos off guard in his quarters, his gun not yet charged.
He busted his Bojack bottle over the table, daring me to approach. What ensued was one of the most robust fights in history. Porygon's shell backed me up (with medicine, of course.) as his core stood in the far corner of the Captain's Quarters. I managed to knock Cheetos down, easily stealing the Bojack shiv. Roughly ten stab wounds later, he left the office with a half charged gun, leaking blood as he lived to fight another day. I turned to Porygon's core, his helpful Medborg shell shutting down. I asked him, breathless, if he wanted to truly be a human. He said yes. I stole the CPU with some difficulty, rusty skills leading to slight dents in the core's hull. But finally, I managed to take it out, stash it in my pack, AND...
Get shot in the back. Again. Cheetos was back, with a vengeance, this time buckling me to a chair as he emptied a clip of taser setting into my unconscious body. With me suitably neutralized, I took a moment to collect my air tank before running off in hot pursuit, as he had taken my backpack while I was out. Unsure of where he was, I screamed over the radio for his location, to no avail. He had evaded me, this time. Over the radio, the fiend threatened to murder the AI for good, deep frying the Neural Interface Unit and eating it. In a panic, I rushed to the kitchen, barely still alive as I discarded my emergency suit for more speed. Checking the kitchen yielded nothing. Then, a fellow by the name of Dions Dopamine tapped me on the shoulder.
I had no idea what was happening as I passed out cold from blood loss, then saw the alerts that I was being asphyxiated. Then, a sharp stabbing sensation, and nothing. I was dead; absorbed into the hive mind of the changeling. Ghosting over, I saw Cheetos' real plan: restore the AI in his office by replacing the CPU. Now privy of who he really needed to be wary of, he asked Porygon to locate Matt Dales. I did not appear on his list of living beings, replied the AI, morosely. He thought me dead. Just like everyone else, myself included. But then...
I heard over the usual bustle of the station, a plea. Someone calling out for the person whose ID I had to return to their body. Unsure, I returned, and popped back to life, a bloody, faceless husk. The Changeling, Dions, had given me Strange Reagent, in what easily passes as the nicest thing a Changeling has ever done. Graciously returning the stolen ID, he morphed into my old body and bid me a fond farewell.
I arrived back at the bridge at the ass end of Crass' flamethrower rampage, and Newt Traitor was bumbling around, confused. I tried to remove the CPU once more, but before I could unwrench the meddlesome bolts, the core was shut. In the darkness, Newt had evaded my gaze and was stealing the AI away, apparently an ally of the captain. He said he would return it to the core. Me and Crass didn't like that one bit.
I was the first to barge in, faceless and screaming as I looped around the still glass-clad turret in the upload foyer with a borrowed Wave Gun from a previous conflict. Crass had given it to me. I didn't want to know where she found it. But as the battle wore on, even one and the AI against two, the Captain proved to be just a smidgen too robust. During the conflict, one of the Front members absconded with the core, but I was left to hold out to little effect. I bought them seconds, at most. As they pulled the core away to Medbay for the procedure, I stood in the open, dropping my weapon as one well placed energy gun stun blast caught me in the chest. Newt filed out in a rush. The Captain stood in the doorway, picked his ID off his label, swiped the console...
And set it to lethal.
They apprehended my comrades, seconds away from popping the CPU out for good. They stole the AI back, with Cheetos running off to the owlery to hide, and Newt having second thoughts, and retrieving my body. While the inexperienced chief engineer fumbled for a bit among the wreckage that had once been called a tidy Robotics Lab, Crass and Cheetos reached an agreement as Porygon called the shuttle. They dragged him to the Robotics lab one last time, replacing him in his small throne of buttbots, then cut out the Captain's brain. In his regret over finally taking a human life, he decided to give up the ghost. He would allow the terms to stand if he swapped bodies with the AI.
While he cloned, I was finally activated. Newt graciously named me Matt Dales, finally revealing to the now-A.I. Captain who had plagued him all this time. I stood outside the cloning pod as my friend finished being given life. We had won the battle. We were free.
And then on the shuttle the dude whose ID I stole earlier beat the shit out of my body and killed me 15 seconds before we reached Centcom.
Goonhub
