Goonhub
12-05-2016, 07:02 AM
I had a good think yesterday, and a good talk with a friend.
I'm an IRC regular, and yet it's come to my attention that some people feel I regularly insult, and even undermine people here. I found that surprising. I contested this, even, and was presented with a few cases by a few people where, in fact, I did this.
It was never my intention to do so, but something always pushed me over the edge.
As most of you know, I have aspergers, depression, and all the symptoms of ADHD.
In short, I'm fucked in the head.
At times, I will see something, and feel, very strongly, with every fiber of my being, that this thing is clearly right and wrong. Despite that, every other person I speak to, feels that what I think of as "right" is, in fact "wrong" and this enrages me. I lose all control over what I say and do, and consistently cross the line.
I need to stop that.
That will stop.
These fixations are the source of nearly all of my problems with social interaction. In my mind, there are no degrees, and breaking the metagaming rule is equal to premeditated real world murder.
I do recognize that this is abnormal thinking. I do recognize that nobody else feels this way. I do recognize that the impacts of metagaming are not as severe as murder.
I'm writing this thread to let people know that I am starting a concerted effort to change my behavior, but more importantly, to apologize to those I've wronged.
To those users who feel insulted by the things I've said and done, I apologize. You did not deserve to feel the full force of my wrath. I will be approaching many of you individually in the IRC to offer a further personal apology.
To those administrators who feel I've undermined you, I profusely apologize. My intention has always been the opposite, to foster quality rules and create a healthy administration environment, and in my zeal I've made things worse. As above, I will be approaching some of you personally to offer a further apology.
In short
I fucked up
I'm sorry
I'm an IRC regular, and yet it's come to my attention that some people feel I regularly insult, and even undermine people here. I found that surprising. I contested this, even, and was presented with a few cases by a few people where, in fact, I did this.
It was never my intention to do so, but something always pushed me over the edge.
As most of you know, I have aspergers, depression, and all the symptoms of ADHD.
In short, I'm fucked in the head.
At times, I will see something, and feel, very strongly, with every fiber of my being, that this thing is clearly right and wrong. Despite that, every other person I speak to, feels that what I think of as "right" is, in fact "wrong" and this enrages me. I lose all control over what I say and do, and consistently cross the line.
I need to stop that.
That will stop.
These fixations are the source of nearly all of my problems with social interaction. In my mind, there are no degrees, and breaking the metagaming rule is equal to premeditated real world murder.
I do recognize that this is abnormal thinking. I do recognize that nobody else feels this way. I do recognize that the impacts of metagaming are not as severe as murder.
I'm writing this thread to let people know that I am starting a concerted effort to change my behavior, but more importantly, to apologize to those I've wronged.
To those users who feel insulted by the things I've said and done, I apologize. You did not deserve to feel the full force of my wrath. I will be approaching many of you individually in the IRC to offer a further personal apology.
To those administrators who feel I've undermined you, I profusely apologize. My intention has always been the opposite, to foster quality rules and create a healthy administration environment, and in my zeal I've made things worse. As above, I will be approaching some of you personally to offer a further apology.
In short
I fucked up
I'm sorry
