Artifact Shenanigans

[BaneOfGiygas]

Alien artifacts. Mysterious, powerful, and quite possibly the single most shenanigans-dense part of the research sector, save for possible telescience. Since the possibilities for artifact shenanigans in any given round are effectively infinite, I'd like to hear about all of your experiences with the buggers.

Among my most noteworthy experiences with alien artifacts is when I was the traitor and managed to get my hands on Syndicate armor, an agent ID/voice changer, an advanced laser gun...and a handheld teleporrer artifact. Cue me becoming a "syndighost" and incessantly spamming the radio with spooky messages while teleporting around and shooting people.

I also found an artifact that contained...an owl bomb. When examed, the game had this much to say: "Owls. Owls everywhere." I didn't get around to testing it, but I think I could make an educated guess as to its effects.

[DyssalC]

I once got my hands on a hand-held teleporter artifact that had an instant recharge, and coupled this with some meson goggles. I then chose somebody at random and followed them around with the ID title "Figment of your imagination" and teleporting in front of them and around corners from them, to give them the impression I was everywhere they looked.

[UmmonTL]

I once had a melee artifact that made chainsaw noises, that was fun and I ended up killing a traitor with it who took his time in finishing me off.
Identifying artbombs without activating them as a traitor is quite nice. One time as a nontraitor though I found an artifact that had the xray values of a bomb but showed up as ultradense. So I activated it and it gave a message about gravity overloading. I tried spacing it but the damn ejector in the hangar wouldn't work again, ran over to telesci and got it on the pad just as it goes off. Suddenly we've got a black hole in telesci, lucky for me it was pretty harmless and only completely evaporated the telepad.
Other fun stuff, a telebungee artifact with a long return time can be pretty easily dragged around the station, lot's of people will touch it and if you space it they will all end up in space and don't know what the fuck happened.

[Ikkonoishi]

I once touched an injector artifact that filled you with very high fructose corn syrup, and spent the next 10 minutes in a sugar coma. I also found a healing artifact that was constantly active. Whenever you were near it you were nearly immortal. Unfortunately we didn't find it till the shuttle was on the way.

[Conor12]

Usually at the round start a couple of scientists will rush over to the artifact lab and try to grab the artifacts first.

There've been a ridiculous amount of times where I've seen the fastest person pick up a gun artifact and shoot themselves point-blank with it.

And then there is a conga line of farts.

[VictorMAngoStein]

Pissed off a bunch of people by stealing shoes as a clown, found a forcefield artifact near the entrance to engineering, and used it to slow down the angry mob. I'd click the artifact, they'd all be stuck outside the force field, and I'd dance and flip them off until it was time to start running again. They eventually cornered me in research and fed me to a changeling.

[Berrik]

I found a freeze ray artifact that put down a 5x5 area of ice and froze anyone in that area in an ice cube, and caused a decent chunk of the station to rage because they couldn't figure out who was doing it.

[KikiMofo]

I remember once when I was on hemera and a traitor found me and shot me into crit out near the right side where those airlocks are so while he was gloating at me(Seriously he took the time to gloat while he came close to finish me off) I crawled down and found a handheld artifact and hit him with it, To my surprise he instantly caught on fire and dropped to the ground dead. I ended up getting back in Hemera and healing up then going back to the station to get on the shuttle right before it took off. I love when that shit happens. That artifact had to do like 200 damage or something cause he was instantly dead before he hit the ground.

[BaneOfGiygas]

It might have been a magic artifact. Those are weird, weird, and supremely powerful things, and I haven't even had the fortune to encounter one yet.

[Roomba]

I once found the legendary instagibbing melee artifact. Not having much of an actual use for it, I baked it into a pie, and ran around the station throwing it at monkeys until someone ran off with it and ate it.

[Sam Guivene]

I once accidentally activated and ran around panicking with an artifact bomb, blew the shit out of me and two other people, not sure whether or not I got a note for that one...

[CrackBauer]

Someone left a borging artifact in the bar once; a surprising number of people jumped in it (myself included). We then spent the rest of the round aggressively cajoling people into abandoning their humanity.

[Sundance]

There was one artifact that injected an assload of Aranesp into your system. For those who have never had it in their system, you get funny messages like "You're feeling buff", etc, with some tox damage and stun resistance, so I labelled it "Steroid machine" and left it in the boxing room and tried to get people to join my illegal drug boxing club and showed them if they touch the machine and take my pills (ROID PILLS that were just anti-tox to combat the aranesp) they'll be unstoppable.
Alot of punching and dying happened that round in the ring I tell h'wat.

[BaneOfGiygas]

Someone left a borging artifact in the bar once; a surprising number of people jumped in it (myself included). We then spent the rest of the round aggressively cajoling people into abandoning their humanity.

Nope nope nope. Don't do this. Fun as it may be, since the borging artifact clearly brings harm onto those who step into it, that makes this in violation of Law 1, since I'm assuming that leading humans to harm is just as forbidden as directly harming them.

[TheDarkFlame]

I'm pretty sure borging artefacts tell borgs to assimilate/upgrade the humans.