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Sham Poo's Humble HoS App
#1
Warning: Giant post ahead. Your head may blow off, proceed with caution

ArrPee Name: Sham Poo, Shame Pooe, Slam Poo, Ham Poo, Damn Poo.

BYOND Name: NitrousProGamer

If referred, by whom: Spacemarine The Ninth, Marquesas and Bubba the Bubs

Hours of availability: GMT +1 I usually play between 15:30 to 22:45 Monday-Friday. (no I'm not going to convert it to you heathen AM/PM people)

Reason for applying
So yea, I guess it's my turn to write down some fancy words taken straight from the dictionary, or any of the many hilarious misspellings of the words grief and fart. Ahem:

To say the least, the time I've spent on the (in)famous Space Station 13, has been rather bumpy. The game, has had its ups and downs. But It's one of the few games that I can play for a long period of time without getting bored of, not because of the game mechanics, or the robust combat system - because I know pretty much everything there is to know about it - but because of the community, because of the great time we've had together. Because of all the twisted and/or insane characters in the game, that's what makes this game so much different than pretty much every other game on the planet.
You see, one thing that amazes me about this game is its ability to make things like dying fun, (or at least less shit) SS13 is one of the few games where I can die, and not care about it at all. Sure, I can get a little grumpy when some grifehead decides to be a mean jerk to me and kill me with a baton, but nothing too serious. I do not think it is worth getting mad over a game, that was once about poo and vomit.
I want to become a HoS because I want to help those new players who chose to be a security officer for their first round. I don't necessarily want to become a HoS for my own winning, because to be honest, I do not feel being a HoS makes you any different from anybody else, except from a job position, that's rarely even occupied. I want to become a HoS to become an example for everyone else, to reduce and/or stop any harmful griff that may be going on. I believe in people's freedom, and know how annoying it is for folks to be locked in a cell for 15+ minutes, because I've tried that, multiple times even. And I'd do my best to keep my fellow players from suffering the same faith. I do not believe that the cells should be used unless it is a true trouble-maker, I would personally never use the brig-cell because I got farted on, or even some cases of violence. There's always another way to keep people from doing dumb shit, just a quick little talk, or maybe even a donut. That will more often than not make them stop any shittiness they may be doing.
Execution is dumb, and IMO should only ever be used against nuke-operatives, because they're jerks most (read: all) of the time. Other kind of antagonist I would much rather have donated to scientific projects, or at least make a fun and original execution, cuz the electric chair/gibber is getting old. In my eyes, the Head of Security's job isn't to catch traitors erry day, but rather to keep the security force in line, and away from toolboxes and other harmful objects. But also to keep the crews morale up, and make sure they're entertained, to prevent any assistant revolutions that boredom might have caused.
I have got to admit though, I am not the greatest player in the world, by any stretch of the imagination, nor am I especially robust, I've done some p. terrible stuff in the past. But I have learned from my mistakes,
I feel like I have come a long way since I first started playing this game, learned the Do's and Dont's, and how to not be a shitty crewmember/security officer(/HoS?)

Detailed security experience:
Another day, another round. This time I was a security officer, and I was equipped with a cool as(s) fuck stunbaton and taser. Although my excitement didn't last very long because, suddenly all the lights blew, and my security partner turned pale, and started to moan like a madman. Out of nowhere a Spacker-12 appeared alongside with some wooden boards and a ammo-pack. I quickly wrestle my way past the HHHUUUUNNNGGGRRRYYY zombie, while I picked up the filled Spacker-12, I took my handcuffs out of my pockets, and shot down the poor zombie, he was just hungry after all frown. People were panicking. Me and my HoS mate were now trying to barricade ourselves against those mean (and smelly) zaambiees. A friendly borg was looking for refuge against the marauding zombies outside, and as we couldn't say no to a afro-wielding brobot, we decided to let him in. Meanwhile our zombie friend had woken up from his sleep, and was already having a conversation with our beloved afro-borg, who was also busy trying to sell it donuts, and beer. but, in its attempt to sell it, the borg had accidentally let the zombie out of its cell. The hungry chased the HoS around for a while, wounding him in the progress. But I managed to get a couple of lucky hits in on it, and crit it again. Desperate to heal up my comrade, the HoS, I took off to get some medical supplies from medbay, but it had been burned down to the ground, by survivors who was unlucky enough to get overrun by zombies. i grabbed a fire extinguisher and fought my way through the fire, got a medkit and got back to the wounded HoS.

Your opinion on Shrek:
I like Ostaf's drawings of Shrek better than the movies.

Previous Bans
one or two chat-related tempbans
Temp for gibbing a person who was alive
A five minute ban for challenging a ban shark to a competition. I lost. Another five minute ban for suiciding on round start (i never really like being a miner that much)
Note: most of these bans were from when I first really started playing SS13, and still hadn't learned the almighty space manners. Sorry if i missed some.
#2
Yeah sham poo is an excellent player, I always have fun in rounds with him. He is also robust and sensible, and would be a good HoS.

ace stroble 4 hos.
#3
ur shit. but the best kind of shit.big grin
#4
I don't think I even need to read this to tell that you are HoS material. You've been around so long, longer than me I think, and I'm frankly surprised that you aren't an HoS already. You're always a funny guy to have on the station and I think I can anticipate many fun filled rounds with you as the HoS.
#5
this guy is the perfect person for hos
#6
Nitrous is a fun, experienced player. He treats the security force well and deserves HoS.

Just observed him stunning changelings, working with the rest of sec as a team, and then healing up injured folks.
#7
I am pro poo for sham poo.
#8
This dude is exactly the right level of bad to be a HoS.
#9
So uhm, thanks for not trashing me completely, for some reason i thought everyone was going to yell at me for how bad i am at life. Guess i'm not THAT bad of a player as i thought i was. Also feel free to throw any (constructive???) criticism you may have, at me, ill answer it if i can!
Anyway, i might as well fuck up this thread (more than it already is) by replying to everyone, despite it making no god damn sense at all.

Oddball Wrote:He is also robust
No way i am robust! That's like saying Yon isn't a nerd <3 :ugeek: :ugeek: :ugeek: <3

btek Wrote:ur shit. but the best kind of shit.
Thanks! i also think you're a (good) kind of shit <3

kyle2143 Wrote:I don't think I even need to read this to tell that you are HoS material. You've been around so long, longer than me I think, and I'm frankly surprised that you aren't an HoS already. You're always a funny guy to have on the station and I think I can anticipate many fun filled rounds with you as the HoS.
No fun allowed when (if) i get to be a Head of Security!

bubs Wrote:this guy is the perfect person for hos
<3<3<3

Conerd12 Wrote:Nitrous is a fun, experienced player. He treats the security force well and deserves HoS. Just observed him stunning changelings, working with the rest of sec as a team, and then healing up injured folks.
i really just paid him to say that, don't believe him. xoxo

The Gorilla Of My Dreams Wrote:I am pro poo for sham poo.
Hello, I am a Sham Poo. I like donuts and cookies, but sometimes i don't eat them, other times i eat all of them. Donuts are my friends, and friends are my donuts. I like my donuts the best with frosting and loads of Assistant tears. This is the story of a Sham Poo.

The Ninth Marine Who Came From Space Wrote:This dude is exactly the right level of bad to be a HoS.
i am a level 30 bad, and i have the black belt in griff (which i may or may not have bought from ebay)
#10
Nitrous Poo-gamer you are a cool person and almost as robust as me so yes. Also since you want constructive criticism I think you should move Security's donuts and segways into the Bar every shift so you can befriend the assistant community.
#11
FrontlineAcrobat4 Wrote:Nitrous Poo-gamer you are a cool person and almost as robust as me so yes. Also since you want constructive criticism I think you should move Security's donuts and segways into the Bar every shift so you can befriend the assistant community.
I moved the segways to the bar, and saw the joy in the assistants eyes, totally lit up by happiness and excitement! but i kept the donuts, mostly because they're an amazing interrogation tool, but also because they're tasty as fuck! Also there's already donuts in the bar, so there's not really a reason to even bring them.
#12
Nitrous Wrote:
FrontlineAcrobat4 Wrote:Nitrous Poo-gamer you are a cool person and almost as robust as me so yes. Also since you want constructive criticism I think you should move Security's donuts and segways into the Bar every shift so you can befriend the assistant community.
I moved the segways to the bar, and saw the joy in the assistants eyes, totally lit up by happiness and excitement! but i kept the donuts, mostly because they're an amazing interrogation tool, but also because they're tasty as fuck! Also there's already donuts in the bar, so there's not really a reason to even bring them.

It's amazing how segways makes assistant's days doesn't it?
#13
I have removed the nonsense unrelated to the app. If I have to do it again I'm closing and rejecting it.
#14
Sham knows his stuff and is fun to be around aswell, I don't know why I would say no.
#15
I've served as an Officer with Sham Poo a handful of rounds. It was refreshing to not have to worry about him mistreating prisoners or ignoring obviously bad shit. He's a little more apt to look the other way on the smallest crimes like break-ins than I am, but that's a matter of style, not substance. I certainly wouldn't have any problem calling him 'sir' if he got a beret.


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