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Memory Journal!!!!! (DO NOT TOUCH) [Louise Mortimer]
#1
?????
The psychiatrist said that I should make a memory journal but it also works like a diary, because of my losing memory. I finally found my address so I can make the book. Arkady was happy to see me today, he said he hadn’t seen me all week.
 
I told him I’m making the memory diary and he kind of looked at me weird for a second which was confusing sad made me feel angry happy? upsetting. But then he nodded and told me he could help me with some things I don’t remember. He asked me when I started to have the memory problems so I told him the same thing I told the psychiatrist, between my last shift as an assistant and my promotion to officer. Arkady told me my name was Louise Mortimer but I already knew that because the people at CentComm told me. And that is the name on my ID at work. 

I have a list of things I can’t remember, I don’t know if this is it though:
My address I had to ask for it
My favorite color
What day it is
How old I am Arkady told me that I’m 30
How I got promoted (Why I got promoted)
Why I keep getting those emails
Why it’s so hard to feel certain emotions (I can’t feel happy or sad or angry. I feel kind of empty).
Some of my friends I think because they say they know me but I can’t recognize them

I am going to try and remember these things when I keep using this book, cause I need to use this as a normal diary too I think.

????? December 13th, 2053
Arkady told me what day it was 
The two of us went to lunch together today at the Starry Diner but I really wanted to eat foil which I had in my bag. But he told me if I eat food I can have the foil which I didn’t want but I ate lunch because I wanted the foil. And then I ate the foil and it tasted nice and Arkady looked happy with me even though he made me eat chicken pot pie for lunch which I didn’t like, but seeing someone happy is nice.

Arkady said he had to go to the bathroom so he left the booth me and him was sitting in. And then someone came up to me and said that me eating foil was weird and that kind of hurt my feelings I think I couldn’t tell but I wanted to go home. But the stranger was there and then they told me that I was weird and they wouldn’t let me leave and I was really scared and nervous and I was about to bite them but then Arkady came back and told the stranger to leave me alone and they did. 
I like Arkady a lot.
He is really intimidating but I know he doesn’t mean it because he is always nice to me but I think he knew I was about to bite the stranger by the way I acted and he looked upset with me. 

So then we both went home and Arkady talked to me about what to do when someone is mean to me which I can do 2 things:

1. Ignore them and don’t react which I’m really good at not reacting sometimes because when I try to react I either react wrong or don’t react at all
2. If they keep bothering me I have to tell someone that I trust or ask them to stop

So I am going to do one of those things because I trust Arkady and he is my friend.

December 17th, 2053
I keep getting those emails.

Today I was checking my mail box online and those people won’t stop contacting me. I think they know me but I don’t know them and so I’m going to email them this:

Hello my name is Louise. I don’t know you, nor do I recognize the email address. Please reach out pertaining to the details of who you are and our relationship. 
I’m sure we were great friends.

I don’t know what a syndicate is but that’s what they’re calling themselves. I hope they reply back soon so I can talk to them. 

December 17th, 2053
(Arkady told me I wrote the date twice and that I didn’t need to if I was writing it on the back page of the first entry, but I’m going to anyway because it makes it less confusing).

I also am having trouble recognizing someone from work even though he insists we know each other. 
He showed me a lot of bite marks on his arms, and I was confused because he hadn’t told me he had a pet. I think that his pet might be a really feral dog or a cat that bites people. Because sometimes cats bite people. I don’t think I like him a lot because he’s really aggressive and it makes me uncomfortable and he keeps flexing his muscles and that makes me uncomfortable.

He made me too uncomfortable so I bit him even though Arkady told me not to bite people. I hope he doesn’t get a disease from me.

December 19th, 2053
Today I am going to write down all of my relationships with people so I don’t forget them all.

Arkady Koslov = Roommate

The rest of the page is torn off.

December 19th, 2053
I don’t remember. I think my memory is getting worse. I knew a lot of people but now I don’t. I don’t know what to feel. 

December 23rd, 2053
I got a response back from the email, I can’t tell if they’re mad at me or not. They said that I have a memory issue which I knew already. They told me to reach them back once I finally remember. I don’t know what it is that I am remembering. They also mentioned that I had possibly gone through reducation re-education and neither me or Arkady knew what that meant. This syndicate person sounds scary but I think I might be subscribed to their mailing list so maybe I did know them and maybe we were good friends.
I would love to catch up sometime!
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