The Spaceman Saga

[Discount Dank]

It's no secret that there are three groups of players in SS13, those who could write a book on this server's history, those who would want to read that book, and those who wonder why someone would want to waste their time learning about such things when they could go outside or read an actual book.

Anyway, I'm not asking for a book, just information from those who farted before!

The ultimate goal here is to create a thread dedicated to containing assorted tidbits of anything older players want to share as a time capsule of sorts. Stories, info, screenshots, Q&A, etc. This stuff doesn't need to be from Jurassic spaceman times, just anything at all that isn't extremely recent.

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I've been playing since 2017, but I haven't really been active enough to share anything of note. The only things worth sharing that I remember are the overhaul to fluids & the changing of the pool's "water" to actual water, the addition of Oshan, the re-addition of Cogmap2, and the re-addition of Mushroom. I also don't remember many details concerning these events, hence why I'm not elaborating on their stories. Unfortunately, my memories won't be of much use here I think!

[CaptainBravo]

why am i still awake

why are we still here?

JUST TO SUFF-oh wait no it's to jot down things that aren't that way anymore so people can gawk and say "YOU HAD TO WHAT?!" so i'm going to start it off with some talk about how some different departments' rounds always, without fail usually went

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ROBOTICS

If you were a Roboticist on Donut 2, your round consisted of one of two things:

1. Being the guy who sat in Robotics for most of the round, queuing up research topics so you could make cool things later.

2. Being the guy who roamed the station "acquiring" (i.e. locating and or causing) dead bodies.

Guy #1 did not question what Guy #2 did, how he got that body, who that body belonged to, why Guy #2's labcoat was stained with the blood of the innocent, or why Guy #2 was putting a taser back into his backpack. Guy #1 was just happy to actually have someone's brain to put in a tin can, which at the time only came in one variety.

You could not add treads to borgs. You could not reinforce their body parts. What you could do was spend 40 BYOND minutes (80 minutes) researching cool upgrades for the fabricator to make and pray to god that Mining sent you enough ores to make them. For a brief period of time you had a boss, the Head Surgeon, whose office was directly connected to Robotics, and whose only job was to make your life hell by refusing you the right to conduct any surgery. For some reason this made all of the long-time Roboticist players very mad and the Head Surgeon was fired, out of a cannon, into the sun. He got better.

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MINING

Every round, Miners would start by taking their shuttle back to the station to steal procure supplies to feed into the fabricator. By the way, you used to just load metal and glass sheets straight into the thing. No hassle.

After that, the Miners would create mining charges, used to purposefully explode erebite deposits in the hopes of chain mining half of the asteroid field. This caused the already very bogged down game to literally grind to a halt - no movement, no ticks, no anything while the server processed what the FUCK was going on through all of these explosions - for the first 10-15 BYOND minutes of gameplay. If it sounds like the frequency or severity of this is being exaggerated, believe me, it isn't.

The grand goal of Mining was to fuck off to space and acquire OP items to kill the traitors with craft a legally distinct from that game about the flesh spike zombies in space set of space armor that allowed you to move at mach speed. This set of armor was obviously never used in any way to hamper other peoples' fun by non-traitors.

Mining also had the one back-up dish for the communications system (does it still have this? fuck if I know) so it was a frequent stop for insufferable shitheads enterprising traitors who absolutely needed the timer to read "120 minutes" when the round finally ended because they hadn't finished killing that one guy who vanished into space and he was still sending them messages on the radio.

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ENGINEERING

Every round in Engineering, one of two things would happen:

1. The Engineers would try to start the engine without using the computer, causing one of the fields to fail and releasing the singularity.

OR

2. The Engineers would successfully start the engine using the computer, at which point a traitor would walk into space with an emergency suit or equivalently stupid outfit and set the singularity free anyways.

It was a blessing to have someone that knew how to maximize the power output by setting the SMES correctly, and a godsend to have someone who realized that they should be setting the solars up too. The Chief Engineer would forget to take his magnetic boots off half of the time (more?) and would constantly announce to the not-at-all bloodthirsty crew that they had no idea why they were moving so slow why are you hitting me with that extinguisher, Red Archi-URK

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ATMOS

There was a job called Atmos Tech. In theory, they were supposed to re-pressurize the station with air when shit hit the fan. In practice, their job was to grief as much as possible by flooding parts of the station with plasma. I'm not sure why this job was removed.

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KITCHEN

Chef was a lot heavier on the long pork meat of dubious origin. That's okay though, because nobody usually questioned why that burger had Corbin's name on it or why the chef kept abducting people by whacking them with his rolling pin or what that weird squelching sound coming from the kitchen was. The best way to tell if the Chef was out for your blood was to examine him. If his ID said Chef, he probably wanted to kill you. If it said anything else, he had probably already killed the chef, and he probably wanted to kill you.

The only reason people who didn't want to stalk people in maintenance and silently kill them when they were alone played Chef was to make bacon cake and monsters and try to trick people into eating both of them and killing themselves willingly. The Chef's Syndicate Sauce was widely considered the worst traitor item in the entire game because it killed slowly, didn't incapacitate people to prevent them from blabbing about being poisoned, and most importantly, was super obvious and widely known to exist.

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SECURITY

Security was an absolute fucking nightmare. The minimum expectation was that you would be harassed by the crew. The entire crew; every single person, all round long, unless you personally saved someone from certain death, at which point you were now their new best friend. The more realistic outlook was that you would be countered at every turn by the very people you were trying to save.

Pubbie Shitlord #1 attacks Pubbie Shitlord #2 in the head with the Fire Extinguisher!
Pubbie Shitlord #2 is stunned!
Pubbie Shitlord #1 has been hit with the Stun Baton by Devin Goodcop!
Devin Goodcop is trying to put handcuffs on Pubbie Shitlord #1
Pubbie Shitlord #1 tries to disarm Devin Goodcop!
Pubbie Shitlord #2 says, [145.9] "HHHHEEEELLLLPPPPP SSSSSEEEECC KKKIILLLLIIIINNNGGGG MMMMEEEEE IIIINN MMEEEEDDDBBAAAAYY"

Did I mention that buckling someone who was handcuffed to a bed or chair would permanently incapacitate them with no way for them to escape? Don't use that on anyone who's hellbent on making your life a living nightmare, though, or you're terrible, and you're jobbanned. Don't permabrig them for anything less than several consecutive nearly successful murder attempts, either, unless you're SURE they're the traitor.

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DERELICTS

I think I mentioned under Mining that the Miners often fucked off to space to collect OP items to kill traitors with? No? I struck that one through? Shit.

Well, anyways, the reason they did that was because most of the Z-levels were accessible by walking out of an airlock and jetpacking or hurling yourself over to them. There was an abandoned factory (Factory IV?), where you could locate a basketball, a very musty ID card, and maybe some other things. Jurassic Station/Biodome/Whatever you want to call it, where man-eating plants roamed and guarded what I think was a plasma rifle. The Russian Derelict, an oddly familiar husk of station home to spare gas canisters and other things. McPubbies, an abandoned diner in the middle of space, with some rather grody looking cheese (is that stuff even in the game anymore?). Probably a few others that I'm forgetting. One or more of them had padlocked crates loaded with goodies to find. Donut 2's Bridge got added as a derelict when Mushroom was released.

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Tired now, hope that's kind of what you wanted.

[Discount Dank]

Thanks, Captain, that's much more than I was hoping for!

[Xeram]

It is late and I can add to the old man wisdom later, but something I miss were the good old fashioned lynch mobs the crew would form to punish other players for being GROSSLY INCOMPETENT at important jobs.

If the engine wasn't started within the first 10 minutes, you better bet ever engineer was getting beaten down in the hallway, EVA looted, then eventually someone would go start the singularity once every engineer was murdered using their ID cards.

Likewise if it escaped in the first 10 minutes the engineers were promptly tossed in.

Seriouslythesingularityondonutissoeasywhydidthishappensooften

Quick edit: Do we pretend poo never happened or do we dedicate an entire post to the shameful poo coated past.

[Studenterhue]

I had a draft of a section of the History of SS13 page that would explain the old poo mechanics, complete with actual poo-related advice from the old wikis. Where did I put it....

[CaptainBravo]

I had a draft of a section of the History of SS13 page that would explain the old poo mechanics, complete with actual poo-related advice from the old wikis. Where did I put it....