Goonstation Lessons Learned the Hard Way

[NesMettaur]

Inspired by a similar thread o'er on TvTropes, this thread is for anything we learned on Goonstation via trial-and-get-fucked.

• If you're expirementing on monkeys, NEVER remove the blindfold.
  
• When it comes to Genetics, a Blindness mutation is not a substitute for a blindfold considering the fact that you scramble genes so often.
  
• SYNCHRONIZE SELF BIOMASS MANIPULATION HOLY SHIT
  
• If you're a ghost, you can get killed twice. I'm still not sure how they  came prepared for ghosts farting on the escape shuttle, but how about that?
  
• Don't pick fights near an airlock to space, dumbass.
  

[Burrito Justice]

• Have a revolver? Trade with the monkey for a fire extinguisher instead. The latter is clearly superior.
  
• Click or be clicked.
  
• Hide in bush. Buy robust coffee. Chair flip into everyone. Get csaber'd.
  
• Get cluwned by a wizard. Enact vengeance by honking at them constantly and dodging their magic missiles.
  
• Disposals is the best place to fight. Always.
  

[Vitatroll]

• The captain is always a comdom.
  
• If you're alone and somebody stands next to you, you just died. Spoiler!
  Good news is it's great fun to stand next to people arbitrarily if you don't mind dying often.
• Huffing a water tank's worth of sugar is significantly less fun than it sounds.
  
• Never trust a monkey.
  
• Beepsky loves public urination.
  
• Never trust a clown.
  
• Delicious is synonymous with death.
  
• Always trust a monkey clown.
  
  

[Sundance]

Dont pull the light grenade.

[misto]

secondary transport infrastructure such as conveyor belts, pipes, etc are dangerous and unreliable, not to be counted on to correctly deliver people or important objects

make sure the conveyor is going the correct way when trying to crusher a large evil object such as a nuke or a port a puke, because otherwise you may be trapped uselessly pressing it up against the stupid plastic flaps. better yet just cut out a wall or break a window so you can bypass the flaps entirely

never count on securitrons or robuddies to keep you safe or enforce order. never count on firebots to effectively fight a fire. never count on floorbots to properly repair shit. although medibots can help you, still be fucking suspicious of them

[aft2001]

Never trust a wild Roman Lawhon. Especially the Detective breed...
As a subverted AI don't say you're going to burn everything in machinespeak.
ALWAYS have spare internals ready.
Attempting to stun baton a naked running man is nigh impossible, and you will slip and fall. And he will take it. And now he's a security officer.
Don't fuck with fuel tanks.

[Mordent]

• If using the engine's combustion chamber, make sure any tanks of welding fuel are at least two rooms away - if an engine fire gets out of hand and starts heating up adjacent rooms, it will explode if stored there.
  
• If you have access to a syringe, store some of your own blood in a safe place (preferably not on your person). It's quick and easy to do, and makes getting your identity back easier/possible if cloned into a monkey/you get your face melted by acid.
  
• Never underestimate how quickly someone can flush themselves down disposals. This is important as security, but even more important as an antag.
  
• If you haven't subverted the AI, don't mess with them too much. Supercop AIs are annoying, but justified if you're cutting cameras left and right. Supercop AIs without provocation will happen, best to just learn to live with it and focus on subverting them next time.
  
• Alternatively, cut cameras early and wear gloves. Better yet, throw the gloves away afterwards. Even better, throw them away and clean your prints from them with splashed/sprayed space cleaner. Detectives get bored easily and have delusions of authority. They will run you down.
  
• If doing telescience and not trying to get to the void, always scan before sending/receiving. Always. No exceptions. Even if you were just there, who knows who's messed with it since you last were.
  

[Vitatroll]

• Counting on that one place that nobody ever goes to be empty? Aha, no.
  
• If you happen to be assaulted by a traitor while transporting hazardous necrotic excess (ie., a crate of zombies) to science, it's not the best of ideas to release them as means of counter-assault. You may, accidentally, cause a minor... uh... let's call it a 'green party rebellion'.
  
• Daring an admin is like making a monkey-paw wish; except instead of a good wish turning bad, a bad dare turns into 3 singularities, 2000 birds, and 1 broken server.
  

[TheNewTeddy]

1. Don't trust anyone listed here https://forum.ss13.co/memberlist.php
2. Don't trust anyone without a forum account

[CaptainBravo]

1. Pay attention to the chatbox.
2. People will do anything for you if you pretend to be mute and are helpful every round.
3. Use the hand teleporter with no set target to get out of bad situations, but make sure you have internals.
4. Always have the most overpowered bullshit you've managed to find that round on-hand and throw everything else away to make space.
5. Weld the fucking crusher door shut.

[aft2001]

The less access a job has, the more boring it is...

[Burrito Justice]

The less access a job has, the more boring it is...

I kinda disagree with this. Whenever you're somewhere that you're not supposed to be you get to have a little fun there doing whatever and running from security.
Obviously you shouldn't be doing anything against server rules, though.

[aft2001]

The less access a job has, the more boring it is...

I kinda disagree with this. Whenever you're somewhere that you're not supposed to be you get to have a little fun there doing whatever and running from security.
Obviously you shouldn't be doing anything against server rules, though.

Unless you're on the Destiny and trying to roleplay on a lowpop server...

[Vunterslaush]

Never feed a monkey syndie sauce then deepfry and eat it.

[ferriswheel1]

1. Don't put someone you murdered in an emagged borg frame
   
2. Don't imply Jay Wolff is not the real Jay Wolff
   
3. Don't ever leave your pod unlocked, even in deep space 
   
4. Don't leave  anyone in a cell without first stripping them of ID