Best moments ever thread 2.0

[Mageziya]

I'd call that a successful first day.

[A4Brogan]

THE TALE OF ASS DISTRACTION, THE EXPLOSIVELY INSANE BOMBER

It was a lovely day at Space Station 13,
When it was visited by the craziest man the Syndicate has seen.
Armed with an initiative to go out with a bang
and a reply to his orders with a picture of his wang.

This miner, broken from constant mining of ore
Had been reduced to the brain of a boar
His objectives, entirely his own
and destruction he wanted, this station will woe.

He mingled in, and did some tasks when asked
while planning his actions, to be enacted steadfast.
Taking a charge hacker, and a dozen charges all stacked,
He stealthily blasted storages of plasma gas.

But to his dismay, the crew barely noticed,
they were to busy with other crew motives!
So knowing that here he would die,
decided to give a show, and an explosive dive!

So he implanted bombs in his brain,
four tiny bombs, the payload a pain.
The Escape Hallway was blasted to tatters
and he carried a box emitting some clatters.

Grenades were flung, in the tiny escape shuttle,
spewing fire, shocks, flashes and smoke.
And the finally, his body would shatter,
as the gravity bomb would make the crew splatter!

But, alas, after the final 'nade,
he and the crew, still standing, amazed.
Ass Distraction was on center stage,
His mind blanked, still quite dazed.

A thought came to Distraction then
He thought, "I am burning, and in pain.
I must live up to this moniker and when,
the reports make public, I'll be NT's Bane!"

So upon a chair he stood up on high,
his legs almost buckled, and fire on his thigh,
Do you know how he spent the last seconds of life?
If not, I shall tell you, in five seconds time.

Screaming "ARGLENARGLEBARGLE", and tweaking his nipples,
He danced a merry jig, his blood a boiling trickle.
His vision went blurry, and he slumped in his chair,
as his final explosion blasted off his hair.

[aft2001]

a beautiful poem

This is the best thing I've read today. holy shit that was great

[popecrunch]

voting a4b for poet laureate of ss13

[misto]

a happy memory of ss13 - a large group of people had fallen over in medbay, and a mulebot drove thru running over like 8 people, smearing blood and gore as it drove on. me and one other person watched this grim display and he turns to me and says "theyre all fuckin dead" and to this day the memory of this phrase brings me a chuckle, because he was fuckin right

[babayetu83]

geoff goldman and nathan dunkleman who had been turned into a bat attempted to fight the wizard on the shuttle as it disembarked

we were successful but i was too slow in gunning down the wizard. geoff was polymorphed into a bird and then immediately got crushed along with batthan dunkleman inside the shuttle airlock and died

never forget 

[medsal15]

I broke the timespace continuum:
Spoiler!

[NateTheSquid]

geoff goldman and nathan dunkleman who had been turned into a bat attempted to fight the wizard on the shuttle as it disembarked

we were successful but i was too slow in gunning down the wizard. geoff was polymorphed into a bird and then immediately got crushed along with batthan dunkleman inside the shuttle airlock and died

never forget 

bats with knives dont have consistent sprites. also I never even touched the wiz, I just walked in the door to stab his corpse then got crushed. you and geoff are the real heroes

[Wraithcraft]

This was my favorite ling round ever.

Once upon a time, I was a changeling. The shift started out as normal, I just went about my duties as a scientist, mixing chemicals. After all, you never knew when a suicide explosive would come in handy! I managed to lure a single scientist into the bathroom, and I drained him of his life. Perfect. I left him sitting in the stall, the door locked. At this point, it was about fifteen minutes in. Around then, I managed to gain access to the kitchen, so I started cooking. I was trying to kill the captain, so I started a plasma fire. The Captain eventually found out that I did it, and I was brigged. The detective was watching me, and I did the only thing I could think of. I went into my death coma. The detective dragged me out, but I awoke and started attacking. Poor things. They killed me, but my headspider forced it's way down the captains throat. The detective didn't stand a chance. I stung him before he could croak for help over the radio, and then dragged him into the maintenance tunnels. Drained him of his life, and hid his corpse. I then turned into the detective, stole his clothes and announced over the radio that Stanford Price had murdered the captain. No one knew what had happened. I milled about aimlessly, before DNA stinging someone, turning them into Stanford Price. I screamed over the radio that I had found the murderer, before changing into the scientist I killed earlier, shouting that "Stanford" had also killed the detective. After "Stanford" had been spaced, I snuck around, and killed and drained two other people. That's when I called the shuttle as the MD, stating that almost everyone had died. At this point, two people were left. I had accumulated massive amounts of DNA points, and I knew what I had to do. I waited for the shuttle to arrive, and as soon as it left, I told the two that I had a surprise for them, and that it involved dancing. They came out of their dens, and started to boogie. Poor things. They didn't notice my transformation into a genetic abomination until it was to late. A grinning Stanford Price walked off of the shuttle, licking his lips. No survivors.

[NateTheSquid]

i was santa cluwne, after being killed by molly mirrions after i asked her to. as in, santa claus, but a cluwne via wizard. At some point, the wiz attacked me, swirlied me and spaced me. Good thing you can christmas warp while stunned, I warped back onto the station. They were then spacing a corpse at escape, about 10 seconds before the shuttle arrived. I decided to push them in the shuttle's path, they moved one tile out of the way and i walked into escape space. shuttle arrived. "did santa claus just gib?" the wizard asks. the answer is yes. I survived the entire round as santa cluwne, then got killed trying to take out the wiz. this is what i get for helping the crew. a good wiz though

EDIT: also the wiz flushed their own staff in a toilet at some point lol

[SRQ]

i was santa cluwne, after being killed by molly mirrions after i asked her to. as in, santa claus, but a cluwne via wizard. At some point, the wiz attacked me, swirlied me and spaced me. Good thing you can christmas warp while stunned, I warped back onto the station. They were then spacing a corpse at escape, about 10 seconds before the shuttle arrived. I decided to push them in the shuttle's path, they moved one tile out of the way and i walked into escape space. shuttle arrived. "did santa claus just gib?" the wizard asks. the answer is yes. I survived the entire round as santa cluwne, then got killed trying to take out the wiz. this is what i get for helping the crew. a good wiz though

EDIT: also the wiz flushed their own staff in a toilet at some point lol

hello i was the wizard.
I hope my ranting about powergamers and lonely rambling after everyone else was dead was at least worth a giggle.
i allowed harner to arrest me since he had been after me all round and someone made it to the shuttle. little guy deserved it.

[Boon Yoon]

Gah, I logged off and missed the fun.

I had a good traitor run earlier today. I had a medical injector belt filled with space stuff and went around stabbing people, but somehow blew both of my legs off in an unfortunate fuel tank incident. However, the belt brought me back from crit, and I crawled with great determination towards my foe. Knife in hand, great battles ensued as I slithered across the blood soaked floor, screaming and slashing, ultimately meeting my end to an e-gun.

[Vitatroll]

Joined late, got cluwned, hugged and played fiddle for polymorphed baby ice spider who was nomming on me which made us friendseses. Icefriend leaves to find nonfriend food while I go to cure ice toxin (epi-a-holic).

I heal the toxin, play the fiddle, take some snowball wizard potshots, and get the green beat out of my by spacejesus friend.

So then I proceed to run around naked while playing the fiddle until I get purplesmoked by a brobot. I was hedging on booze; it wasn't. It took awhile, but the toxin ramped up and I was in trouble. I eventually found myself chased into maint thanks to a blowout, where said brobot found me. Long story short I found myself in the poolside medpost with large amounts of TOX and a few rads here and there. Left for dead by the afro'd menace.

That's when icefriend came! They rushed to my rescue, helping me with my damage (I think, I was passed out - epi was all I had). Icefriend then rushed to drag me out of the medpost, as the wizard was afoot! And then ~


-------------------------------------------------------------------


NOOOOOOOOOUUUUUHHHH!!!1

With a loud crrunch my little icefriend was no more... Savagely taken by the nefarious machinations of the station itself.

I was still in shock (and awe) at what transpired when, suddenly, the crazed caster appeared - who then proceeded to polymorph my ass into a bat! I cared little, though. My body was already as broken as my poor icefriend... that's when I got a brilliant idea!

Strange Reagent! Sure, difficult to make as a bat, but what are friends for! How did it turn out? Iunno. About 20 seconds after that the shuttle arrived, so I had to settle with dragging my icefriend's crumpled body to the shuttle. Many dangers were faced along the way - all of which were caused by my fumbling, mind. We get to escape, with seconds to spare! Only  stood between us and the shuttle, so what was to stop us? Well, apprently hellish plasma fire. In my hubris I failed to realize that bats are basically fluffy balls of tender with wings.

So there we were, no more than 5 flaps from the shuttle, and so there we stayed.

I tried icefriend, I did. It was a fun ride. Thanks.

Spoiler!

Okay this is a weird best moments ever, but because of my sucky writing I can't accurately portray how perfect the comedic timing was for all these events - especially the icefriend crushing.

[acmesrv]

just had a round where i had fun with the A.I laws as a captain
i added a "show the crew how the clown is good" a "HONK every sentence" and a "show the crew how donal trump is good" law
the A.I was more hilarious than the normal on this round lmao

[Asmadeus]

Two days ago I have been playing as clown named HAPPY NEW YEAR. There was some shit going on on the station but best was Cluwnequeen spider.

Cluwnequeen spider followed me a bit after I pet it. Then some greyshit attacked it. I saved the spider while it ate him. I said "I wonder if I could be spider too." On the F1 channel.

What we learned that round;
- Don't piss off Cluwnequeen spiders.
- Admins sometimes listen to your gimmicks.
- There are clown spiders.
- THEY have eight usable legs and can use guns.
- Stun baton too.
- Flashes too.
- They can stomp on you which not only stuns you but take you almost to critland.
- They can spawn little clownlings that soon becomes mature, aggressive spiders and can fuck you up.
- Their web is made of cotton candy.
- They coos when pet.
- They can bite and poison you or suck your fluids to heal.
- Players can be spiders too.
- Twenty spider clowns is enough to kill 15 crewmen.