Asstruments

[monty]

Instruments with asses in them. For example, the harmonicass:

I have prepared fart songs and fart noises to accompany each asstrument. The resources I've finished are all in a Dropbox folder, viewable by the public for all to enjoy!

This is a work in progress. I dug through the 4407 release trying to find the sprites for instruments, but couldn't find them; I suspect they weren't implemented at that time. Therefore, the only sprite I've completed is the "floor" sprite for the harmonicass, featured above. If someone can send me instruments.dmi or whatever sprite sheet they're in, as well as the mob.dmi "held" sprites, I will draw asses on and in the other instruments.

At time of writing, all I've completed aside from that are .ogg resources - yes, fart music, including a farty remix of the Epic Sax Guy bit.

Below is a list of the asstruments, a link to the subfolder containing their resources, and a list of those resources. Every .ogg file is all normalized and equalized and noise-removal'd and all that other good shit, so they're all the same volume and they all sound good.

Sassophone:
"The romantic qualities of this instrument have been diminished somewhat by the ass lodged in it."

• sassophone_runaway.ogg is the Epic Sax Guy riff, but with fart samples. I am proud of it. Much like the sassophone, it gets greasy towards the end.
  
• sassophone_touhou.ogg is a farty remix of "Night of Nights," a Touhou character's theme song. The file is from an unrelated project I did years ago for a remix competition site. It is here in lieu of the Baker Street riff, because that song is (by design?) really difficult to fart.

The saxophone also plays Careless Whisper, and both times I've tried farting that song have yielded unimpressive results. Maybe someone else can do it better!

Harmonicass:
"You can't blow in it, but you will."

• harmonicass_C5.ogg is the harmonica's riff played by a butt. It's at C5 and ready to be pitch-shifted like all the other instruments. If that needs to be done manually (i.e. I need to provide pitch-shifted sound files myself), let me know.
  
• harmonicass_item.png is the item sprite. It is a .png file with transparency, modified from Asspie.png on the wiki. Should be ready to import into the .dmi sheet, then, right?

I think the pitch-shifting will provide sufficient variety to the harmonicass, but if that turns out not to be the case, I have many, many more farts in my arsenal.

Butt horn (name undecided!):
"Made in Canada!"

• bikehorn_#, 1 through 6, are all different fart noises for the horn to make. If that variety alone isn't enough, pitch-shifting ought to fix that.

In what is definitely my favorite dilemma ever, I can't decide if the item's sprite should be a horn coming out of a butt, or a butt coming out of a horn.

Vuvuzelass:
"An asslike instrument? With an ass in it? Who did this, and why?"
Syndicate variant: "Time to start some shit."

• vuvuzelass_C5 is a sound clip of Jim Norton farting through a vuvuzela on the Opie and Anthony Show.

I feel like just the one sound file is underwhelming, even if it gets pitch-shifted. The syndicate vuvuzelass should definitely get its own unique sound, either a megafart or a maddening cacophony of farts. What do you guys think?

If I have one fear about asstruments, it is that they will be too popular. Thankfully, their availability will be limited somewhat by the fact that only a handful of instruments spawn on the station, although more may certainly become available as a round progresses.

[phart]

How has this not gotten more attention? I am kind of deeply offended by that in a weird sort of way.

This is pure SS13 right here, pure insanity of the highest caliber. I wanna shove my enemy's ass into the end of a sax and play a war song to commemorate the asskicking in song for all eternity to sing! It would be even cooler if they get unique messages when played with an ass in them, because who doesn't love a good butt pun?

[Sam Guivene]

11/10 would fart again.

[Spy_Guy]

Removed the ability to shove a harmonica up your ass

Worrying butt obsession detected.

[Marquesas]

How has this not gotten more attention? I am kind of deeply offended by that in a weird sort of way.

This is pure SS13 right here, pure insanity of the highest caliber. I wanna shove my enemy's ass into the end of a sax and play a war song to commemorate the asskicking in song for all eternity to sing! It would be even cooler if they get unique messages when played with an ass in them, because who doesn't love a good butt pun?

Frankly, I'm very tired of farts and butts in general, and I'm not alone with this. Like, seriously, none of you have a span of creativity beyond that or something. Try asking for suggestions or feedback about anything in OOC and you'll find that it devolves into a discussion about poo and farts and butts in the fraction of a minute.

[VictorMAngoStein]

This is a poopoozela. It is a funny item.

[Ali0en]

Because poo and fart and butts are funny and if you don't think so then you're a prude that doesn't like it because most do.

*fart

[Ebumwell]

As someone who misses Poo.

I actually agree with Luis.

[APARTHEID]

I'm mystified as to why I can't shove a harmonica up my butt to turn my emissions into honky-tonk tooters.

[Frank_Stein]

If anything, they should be buttbot constructions, that play music along instead of repeating things. But I'm with
Marquesas on this.

[LinkDaWolf]

I'm mystified as to why I can't shove a harmonica up my butt to turn my emissions into honky-tonk tooters.

because shoving objects up your butt probably doesnt fit in this game??? its kind of creepy??????

honestly this idea doesn't seem like something lljk needs. it just feels.. too weird? i mean sure, it's ss13, but putting an instrument into a butt and then playing it is really a bit much.

[BruiseCruise]

If anything, they should be buttbot constructions, that play music along instead of repeating things. But I'm with
Marquesas on this.

Buttbands sound amazing. Imagine an entire orchestra performing the William Tell Overture!

[Walrus]

Frankly, I'm very tired of farts and butts in general, and I'm not alone with this. Like, seriously, none of you have a span of creativity beyond that or something. Try asking for suggestions or feedback about anything in OOC and you'll find that it devolves into a discussion about poo and farts and butts in the fraction of a minute.

I agree. Remove farts. Remove butts.

[Walrus]

Haha, whoops. Forgot to add this into my post before I hit submit:

[DyssalC]

I agree. Remove farts. Remove butts.

Roboticists are already putting forth a strong effort to perform the latter.