Goonhub
06-22-2014, 10:11 PM
Usual Character Name: Oar Dehrv
BYOND Username: Houka
Recommended by (if applicable): none
Times Available: Weekends, late evenings PST
Reason for Application (300 word minimum):
I'm applying first off because I have a significant degree of audacity in my blood and I like the pain and disappointment of being told to jump off a bridge. But also because I believe that because I haven't been sufficiently shit as to deserve another ban for months and months now, I have reached this equilibrium where I can pretend to be important while also completely failing to do anything of worth.
Also the mentor thing appeals to me because this game is really hard to understand and I see a lot of people hitting themselves in the head with shoes or failing to perform surgery, so I want the slight chance of being able to advise people on stuff of that nature.
I do not believe my chances are good for this, but worse people exist than me and I hate doing security jobs enough to really not deal with the whole 'being a shining leader in times of need' thing that people always think they're doing. I just want people to not murder each other and go through due process and get back to having fun and throwing toolboxes at each other inaccurately. While I wouldn't be the best HoS out there, I think I can be good enough to at least prevent some of the worst officers from doing tremendously shit things and probably deal with it. Or maybe fail and die to strangulation. I dunno.
My hobbies are farting, backflips, solarium runs. I like long walks on the beaches of mars and goky is my favorite anime.
By choosing me as Head of Security, every day will be Disco Brig day, and sentences will be slightly more lenient than the vigilante go-to of spacing the guy that farted wrongly in some guy's direction.
I reiterate, though, I'm bad and shit and approving me is probably the worst decision you can ever make. You should approve me anyways so I can have that rad hat and I GUESS do some security stuff sometimes.
also i get eaten by changers enough that being a HoS named Oar Dehrv will just put the icing on the cake
Security Experience (300 word minimum):
Uhhhhh.
Let's start with the fact that I dislike security jobs. Let's not get ahead of ourselves, though. I dislike them because the idiot filter does not exist for Security jobs that aren't this one. From an outside perspective, being a Security Officer looks like a job people pick for the all the fun of ruining everyone else's rounds with permabrigging and spacings, as well as stuffing the drunk detective into lockers for daring to speak up against their tyranny.
I've seen a lot of interactions here and there that really told me what security is actually about. They're there only if real problems come up. Two people punching each other out? Eh, leave it to the vigilantes and the admins. Syndicoots raiding the station en masse? BATTLESTATIONS, EVERYONE GETS A RIOT SHOTGUN. Some guy comes up to the Security Lobby and eats all the flesh of the monkey by spamming the command to do that? Congratulate him and send him on his way.
Laws I have experienced firsthand include, but are not limited to:
Bees are sacred. No really don't fucking touch them you idiots.
Don't beat each other up unless it's agreed upon beforehand. Exceptions apply in certain circumstances.
Don't space people because you found them with a bunch of lethal traitor gear but you can't prove they killed anyone. It's super rude. Also try to wait a while before running around with thermals on and murder in your blood because traitors hate having to fight for their lives five minutes into a round because of supercops.
Try not to make the station lethal in any way. Annoying? Go for it. INFINITE DUCKS!!!
If nothing else, try to at least be cooperative when it's actually important to do so.
Repeat offenders are to be brigged for excessive periods or spaced, if no more appropriate punishment comes to mind.
In your opinion, what are the flaws and benefits of the current security layout (brig, cells, security room etc):
Brig General Pop!
Positives: It is full of stuff to play with. It's also good to stuff of violent badguys in there and watch them deal with the problem themselves. Good for a show. Placing bets is encouraged. General population is nice for multiple criminals who just need to cool their heads, or for low-key traitors who were caught farting on the Head of Security. I mean they don't need a HARSH crime for that, do they?
Negatives: Holy shit is it easy to break out of. That slot machine in the back is useless because what criminal really puts money on their card for gambling beforehand? The showers are easy to fashion into a crime causeway by turning one of the walls into a sliding wall early in the round. Generally not that great for actually keeping people incarcerated, if they're severely violent. Good enough for everyone else, though.
Isolation Cell!
Positives: It's small and prohibitively difficult to break out of. The only windows it has are blocked by tables and monitors, or exposed to space. It's a good place to shove a guy into by himself to calm down if he's been losing his shit at another inmate.
Negatives: It is boring. Boring, boring, boring. Also some BYOND quirk makes it so captives can strangle folks through the door if they stand close enough.
Brig Proper!
Positives: A good chokepoint for robust gun fights. A health pack, a pod bay, access to a vuvuzela. What's not to love?
Negatives: Fairly easy to break into for anyone with time, determination, a locker, a tool belt and a powered belt loop. Cool Tips For Traitors, break into it and cut all the wires but the door bolt ones and the power ones. Instant hilarity. Also hard to spot because nobody really patrols in there unless something loud is happening.
Security Main!
Positives: Got everything you need to be the worst security officer you can be all in one screen-sized space. Good layout. Good for fights, if they break out. The segways are nice. Good place for public executions using the courtroom exit on the lowest part of the room.
Negatives: Not a whole lot. It is probably the most secure area on the station, just below the Armory and the Bridge, and probably the last place traitors will just waltz into if they aren't huge badasses. A good place to chill. That window in the bottom left is a security hazard, though, since any halfwitted assistant can break in through it in less than a minute.
Head of Security Office!
Positives: It's very secure, full of swanky stuff, and directly connected to the Bridge. The most secure, comfortable place on the station that doesn't involve totally locking down the room with reinforced walls.
Negatives: It's not hard to break into, and nobody really notices when some guy pops in and steals the Head of Security's stuff during a round. It could use a videogame machine or something so the HoS doesn't have to distract himself with GenPop videogames.
Security Lobby!
Summary: I don't have a huge opinion on this one. It's a good place to hang around if you aren't afraid to get bombed, but Beepsky's patrol regularly opens the door into it so it's not secure whatsoever.
Detective's Office!
Summary: Crimer Central. This has thermals, a gun, booze, rad clothing, and it's pretty much impossible to prevent theft of these items by any nerd that waltzes up with a tool belt and a plan. The back entrance doesn't help.
Interrogation and Viewing!
Summary: Actually a really good place to bucklecuff people and see how much of a crimer they really are in the search process, and a great environment for questions and dramatic quasi-RP. It's a shame that it doesn't get used as much because it's kind of out of the way and doesn't present a lot of distractions for the ADD spacemen that make up the crew.
One round a clown got arrested and receive an aggressive interrogation! I only heard it over the radio, but it was probably the best reason to have that room.
Your opinion of Shrek (5 word minimum):
shrek is pretty good
layers
Previous Bans (While this will not affect your application lying about it will):
A temp ban, and then a permaban, on LLJK1. I've not bothered to get them revoked because they were deserved and I want to keep them there to remind me of how bad I got and what to avoid in the future.
Any others I am not aware of for whatever reason? Maybe I stopped playing while they were in effect? I dunno. Only jobbans I've ever had were Security on #2, but I did ask for that on purpose because I kept rolling it even when I didn't want it a while back.
BYOND Username: Houka
Recommended by (if applicable): none
Times Available: Weekends, late evenings PST
Reason for Application (300 word minimum):
I'm applying first off because I have a significant degree of audacity in my blood and I like the pain and disappointment of being told to jump off a bridge. But also because I believe that because I haven't been sufficiently shit as to deserve another ban for months and months now, I have reached this equilibrium where I can pretend to be important while also completely failing to do anything of worth.
Also the mentor thing appeals to me because this game is really hard to understand and I see a lot of people hitting themselves in the head with shoes or failing to perform surgery, so I want the slight chance of being able to advise people on stuff of that nature.
I do not believe my chances are good for this, but worse people exist than me and I hate doing security jobs enough to really not deal with the whole 'being a shining leader in times of need' thing that people always think they're doing. I just want people to not murder each other and go through due process and get back to having fun and throwing toolboxes at each other inaccurately. While I wouldn't be the best HoS out there, I think I can be good enough to at least prevent some of the worst officers from doing tremendously shit things and probably deal with it. Or maybe fail and die to strangulation. I dunno.
My hobbies are farting, backflips, solarium runs. I like long walks on the beaches of mars and goky is my favorite anime.
By choosing me as Head of Security, every day will be Disco Brig day, and sentences will be slightly more lenient than the vigilante go-to of spacing the guy that farted wrongly in some guy's direction.
I reiterate, though, I'm bad and shit and approving me is probably the worst decision you can ever make. You should approve me anyways so I can have that rad hat and I GUESS do some security stuff sometimes.
also i get eaten by changers enough that being a HoS named Oar Dehrv will just put the icing on the cake
Security Experience (300 word minimum):
Uhhhhh.
Let's start with the fact that I dislike security jobs. Let's not get ahead of ourselves, though. I dislike them because the idiot filter does not exist for Security jobs that aren't this one. From an outside perspective, being a Security Officer looks like a job people pick for the all the fun of ruining everyone else's rounds with permabrigging and spacings, as well as stuffing the drunk detective into lockers for daring to speak up against their tyranny.
I've seen a lot of interactions here and there that really told me what security is actually about. They're there only if real problems come up. Two people punching each other out? Eh, leave it to the vigilantes and the admins. Syndicoots raiding the station en masse? BATTLESTATIONS, EVERYONE GETS A RIOT SHOTGUN. Some guy comes up to the Security Lobby and eats all the flesh of the monkey by spamming the command to do that? Congratulate him and send him on his way.
Laws I have experienced firsthand include, but are not limited to:
Bees are sacred. No really don't fucking touch them you idiots.
Don't beat each other up unless it's agreed upon beforehand. Exceptions apply in certain circumstances.
Don't space people because you found them with a bunch of lethal traitor gear but you can't prove they killed anyone. It's super rude. Also try to wait a while before running around with thermals on and murder in your blood because traitors hate having to fight for their lives five minutes into a round because of supercops.
Try not to make the station lethal in any way. Annoying? Go for it. INFINITE DUCKS!!!
If nothing else, try to at least be cooperative when it's actually important to do so.
Repeat offenders are to be brigged for excessive periods or spaced, if no more appropriate punishment comes to mind.
In your opinion, what are the flaws and benefits of the current security layout (brig, cells, security room etc):
Brig General Pop!
Positives: It is full of stuff to play with. It's also good to stuff of violent badguys in there and watch them deal with the problem themselves. Good for a show. Placing bets is encouraged. General population is nice for multiple criminals who just need to cool their heads, or for low-key traitors who were caught farting on the Head of Security. I mean they don't need a HARSH crime for that, do they?
Negatives: Holy shit is it easy to break out of. That slot machine in the back is useless because what criminal really puts money on their card for gambling beforehand? The showers are easy to fashion into a crime causeway by turning one of the walls into a sliding wall early in the round. Generally not that great for actually keeping people incarcerated, if they're severely violent. Good enough for everyone else, though.
Isolation Cell!
Positives: It's small and prohibitively difficult to break out of. The only windows it has are blocked by tables and monitors, or exposed to space. It's a good place to shove a guy into by himself to calm down if he's been losing his shit at another inmate.
Negatives: It is boring. Boring, boring, boring. Also some BYOND quirk makes it so captives can strangle folks through the door if they stand close enough.
Brig Proper!
Positives: A good chokepoint for robust gun fights. A health pack, a pod bay, access to a vuvuzela. What's not to love?
Negatives: Fairly easy to break into for anyone with time, determination, a locker, a tool belt and a powered belt loop. Cool Tips For Traitors, break into it and cut all the wires but the door bolt ones and the power ones. Instant hilarity. Also hard to spot because nobody really patrols in there unless something loud is happening.
Security Main!
Positives: Got everything you need to be the worst security officer you can be all in one screen-sized space. Good layout. Good for fights, if they break out. The segways are nice. Good place for public executions using the courtroom exit on the lowest part of the room.
Negatives: Not a whole lot. It is probably the most secure area on the station, just below the Armory and the Bridge, and probably the last place traitors will just waltz into if they aren't huge badasses. A good place to chill. That window in the bottom left is a security hazard, though, since any halfwitted assistant can break in through it in less than a minute.
Head of Security Office!
Positives: It's very secure, full of swanky stuff, and directly connected to the Bridge. The most secure, comfortable place on the station that doesn't involve totally locking down the room with reinforced walls.
Negatives: It's not hard to break into, and nobody really notices when some guy pops in and steals the Head of Security's stuff during a round. It could use a videogame machine or something so the HoS doesn't have to distract himself with GenPop videogames.
Security Lobby!
Summary: I don't have a huge opinion on this one. It's a good place to hang around if you aren't afraid to get bombed, but Beepsky's patrol regularly opens the door into it so it's not secure whatsoever.
Detective's Office!
Summary: Crimer Central. This has thermals, a gun, booze, rad clothing, and it's pretty much impossible to prevent theft of these items by any nerd that waltzes up with a tool belt and a plan. The back entrance doesn't help.
Interrogation and Viewing!
Summary: Actually a really good place to bucklecuff people and see how much of a crimer they really are in the search process, and a great environment for questions and dramatic quasi-RP. It's a shame that it doesn't get used as much because it's kind of out of the way and doesn't present a lot of distractions for the ADD spacemen that make up the crew.
One round a clown got arrested and receive an aggressive interrogation! I only heard it over the radio, but it was probably the best reason to have that room.
Your opinion of Shrek (5 word minimum):
shrek is pretty good
layers
Previous Bans (While this will not affect your application lying about it will):
A temp ban, and then a permaban, on LLJK1. I've not bothered to get them revoked because they were deserved and I want to keep them there to remind me of how bad I got and what to avoid in the future.
Any others I am not aware of for whatever reason? Maybe I stopped playing while they were in effect? I dunno. Only jobbans I've ever had were Security on #2, but I did ask for that on purpose because I kept rolling it even when I didn't want it a while back.
