Goonhub
12-06-2013, 11:15 AM
I really like researching artifacts. There's always more stuff to find out and it feels like real sci-fi science when you are recording data, trying to find how everything works and what those readings could mean. I think that this is one area of the game where more stuff is always better so I made a list of goofy artifact suggestions, maybe some of these are fun enough to inspire a coder who wants a new project. Artifacts tend to have some element of their function randomised so I added rarer functions to most of these too. If anybody has any ideas post them here!
Global Evolution: turns every monkey on the station into a confused, chimpering npc human. Gives all humans (except chaplains and wizards) empathy or telepathy (very rare version gives everybody TK). Gives all changelings a shitload of DNA points.
Devolution: when activated and touched turns you into a monkey. The rare version also turns monkeys who use it into humans.
Antimagic: when activated and touched gives you a short lived version of the chaplain's spell immunity. Rare version gives permanent immunity but then is expended.
Antimagic Field: Activating creates a temporary visible antimagic field where wizards cannot cast spells. The rare version is an enhancer field, spells cast in this don't go into cooldown.
Assimilator: When touched turns the victim into a copy of the artifact. You are actually a limbless, module-less borg that can only interact with electronic things (with robot talk but no regular speech), that cannot be unlocked or have the cell removed, and has no laws other than REPLICATE. However you are impervious to damage except to things that would destroy the original artifact. Anybody who touches you becomes another assimilator. The rare version has limbs and a module of some kind.
Duplicator: When activated creates an identical copy nearby. The very rare version instead duplicates anything you hit it with (when active), but has to be recharged.
Changeling Genisis: When activated and touched turns you into an antagonist changeling and is expended. However, since you have not travelled the galaxy absorbing countless life forms you have no powers other than absorb and transform. In the unlikely event that you absorb a real changeling you get the full suite. Possibly allow changelings to (pointlessly) absorb monkeys, a neo-changeling that does this gains lesser form.
Ancient Nuclear Waste: The radiation is safely contained, unless the artifact is activated. Usually very short ranged emissions but possibly cataclysmic.
Respiratory Modifier: when activated and touched you now need some other gas than oxygen to breath. Most commonly nitrogen.
Shitty Bill's Secret: When activated and touched you assume control of Shitty Bill, wherever (and whoever) he may be. Shitty Bill (or the player controlling him) gets your old body. If Bill is dead or gibbed tough luck, your body stops breathing and you can't be cloned or borged (except by cloning Shitty Bill's body). If Shitty Bill touches it he gibs.
Alien Spying Machine: When activated functions as a tv that only views one specific random person who was present at the start of the round, as if they were wearing a camera hat (if their body still exists). Rare version may have multiple subjects. The subject may have a feeling of being watched.
Alien Listening Machine: Repeats everything that is said ingame by anybody once activated. Usually has limited power (can probably be recharged like other artifacts).
Alien Broadcaster: Everybody can hear what is said near the artifact. Yes this is basically a radio (but guys without radios can hear wow).
Alien Beacon: Summons a shuttle to the shuttle dock, most likely a trader. Possibility of alien diplomats coming with gifts. Small chance of an invasion force with aggressive patrol type behaviour.
Zombie Machine: When it is active, everybody who dies rises as an NPC zombie. Corpses of people that die when the machine is not active are not affected (unless their brains were eaten, that always zombifies). Small chance of player controlled zombies instead.
Alien Egg: Upon activating hatches into a facehugger. Don't know if the alien code is still in but this would be amazing.
DNA Scrambler: When activated and touched randomises your name and appearance, it will always give the same name and appearance to anybody who uses it. Rare version changes the name and appearance of everybody in game to the name and appearance of one of the other players.
Alien Miniputt: Activate and touch it to get on board. Random modules and armour. Small chance of very powerful stuff like artillery or some kind of phase shifting module. One extra wormhole destination with a weird name (note: Pubby Podthief died on the way to his home planet).
Stargate: Opens a fissure to an otherwise inaccessible telescience destination.
Handheld:
Note: equipable items may need to be activated to equip. Most of these would require activation to do anything except the food
Alien Rocket Boots: A regular jetpack that goes in the boots slot.
Alien Rocket Boots 2: Works like the craftable rocket boots except they fire as soon as they are equipped, sending the victim smashing through walls like an asteroid until he gibs.
Bag of Holding: A container with lots of slots. Rare version allows click dragging of large objects into it. Can sometimes be equipped on the back slot.
Ancient Wizard's Staff: Functions as normal, but also gives wizards a Staff tab with an extra suite of spells. Has limited charges and explodes massively upon deplection. Also gives the Break Staff spell. Small chance of having a way to add charges.
Alien Food: just a random piece of food with a different sprite. Rare versions may contain exotic reagents.
Bottle of Endless Water: Unlimited water obviously. Reagents cannot be added to the container as it is always full. Good for janitors. Rare versions may contain different reagents.
Portable Hole: When activated and placed on the ground it becomes a round hole into space. Rare versions can also be placed on walls. Can be picked up again once deployed.
Alien Swiss Army Knife: Every basic tool in one, but it takes longer to do stuff than the real thing. If several different tools are applicable it asks which one you want to use. A chance of also having all kinds of other stuff, eg pens, device analysers, rcds, emags, whatever.
Cyborg Parts: Modules with weird alien stuff, worthless crap and existing cyborg items. Arms which add a special ability (using a special tab) to the cyborg or human equipped with them such as firing a pod weapon or grabbing an adjacent person unbreakably. Legs that are just a round thing that allows the borg/human to levitate around very quickly. A positronic brain that will make the borg (or human or ai) into a friendly NPC which tries to help (repair nearby breaches or heal injuries) but is quite annoying, and does not understand humans. Small chance that it will act friendly until it gets a chance to do something bad like open a gas canister or disarm a security officer, then it is aggro.
Global Evolution: turns every monkey on the station into a confused, chimpering npc human. Gives all humans (except chaplains and wizards) empathy or telepathy (very rare version gives everybody TK). Gives all changelings a shitload of DNA points.
Devolution: when activated and touched turns you into a monkey. The rare version also turns monkeys who use it into humans.
Antimagic: when activated and touched gives you a short lived version of the chaplain's spell immunity. Rare version gives permanent immunity but then is expended.
Antimagic Field: Activating creates a temporary visible antimagic field where wizards cannot cast spells. The rare version is an enhancer field, spells cast in this don't go into cooldown.
Assimilator: When touched turns the victim into a copy of the artifact. You are actually a limbless, module-less borg that can only interact with electronic things (with robot talk but no regular speech), that cannot be unlocked or have the cell removed, and has no laws other than REPLICATE. However you are impervious to damage except to things that would destroy the original artifact. Anybody who touches you becomes another assimilator. The rare version has limbs and a module of some kind.
Duplicator: When activated creates an identical copy nearby. The very rare version instead duplicates anything you hit it with (when active), but has to be recharged.
Changeling Genisis: When activated and touched turns you into an antagonist changeling and is expended. However, since you have not travelled the galaxy absorbing countless life forms you have no powers other than absorb and transform. In the unlikely event that you absorb a real changeling you get the full suite. Possibly allow changelings to (pointlessly) absorb monkeys, a neo-changeling that does this gains lesser form.
Ancient Nuclear Waste: The radiation is safely contained, unless the artifact is activated. Usually very short ranged emissions but possibly cataclysmic.
Respiratory Modifier: when activated and touched you now need some other gas than oxygen to breath. Most commonly nitrogen.
Shitty Bill's Secret: When activated and touched you assume control of Shitty Bill, wherever (and whoever) he may be. Shitty Bill (or the player controlling him) gets your old body. If Bill is dead or gibbed tough luck, your body stops breathing and you can't be cloned or borged (except by cloning Shitty Bill's body). If Shitty Bill touches it he gibs.
Alien Spying Machine: When activated functions as a tv that only views one specific random person who was present at the start of the round, as if they were wearing a camera hat (if their body still exists). Rare version may have multiple subjects. The subject may have a feeling of being watched.
Alien Listening Machine: Repeats everything that is said ingame by anybody once activated. Usually has limited power (can probably be recharged like other artifacts).
Alien Broadcaster: Everybody can hear what is said near the artifact. Yes this is basically a radio (but guys without radios can hear wow).
Alien Beacon: Summons a shuttle to the shuttle dock, most likely a trader. Possibility of alien diplomats coming with gifts. Small chance of an invasion force with aggressive patrol type behaviour.
Zombie Machine: When it is active, everybody who dies rises as an NPC zombie. Corpses of people that die when the machine is not active are not affected (unless their brains were eaten, that always zombifies). Small chance of player controlled zombies instead.
Alien Egg: Upon activating hatches into a facehugger. Don't know if the alien code is still in but this would be amazing.
DNA Scrambler: When activated and touched randomises your name and appearance, it will always give the same name and appearance to anybody who uses it. Rare version changes the name and appearance of everybody in game to the name and appearance of one of the other players.
Alien Miniputt: Activate and touch it to get on board. Random modules and armour. Small chance of very powerful stuff like artillery or some kind of phase shifting module. One extra wormhole destination with a weird name (note: Pubby Podthief died on the way to his home planet).
Stargate: Opens a fissure to an otherwise inaccessible telescience destination.
Handheld:
Note: equipable items may need to be activated to equip. Most of these would require activation to do anything except the food
Alien Rocket Boots: A regular jetpack that goes in the boots slot.
Alien Rocket Boots 2: Works like the craftable rocket boots except they fire as soon as they are equipped, sending the victim smashing through walls like an asteroid until he gibs.
Bag of Holding: A container with lots of slots. Rare version allows click dragging of large objects into it. Can sometimes be equipped on the back slot.
Ancient Wizard's Staff: Functions as normal, but also gives wizards a Staff tab with an extra suite of spells. Has limited charges and explodes massively upon deplection. Also gives the Break Staff spell. Small chance of having a way to add charges.
Alien Food: just a random piece of food with a different sprite. Rare versions may contain exotic reagents.
Bottle of Endless Water: Unlimited water obviously. Reagents cannot be added to the container as it is always full. Good for janitors. Rare versions may contain different reagents.
Portable Hole: When activated and placed on the ground it becomes a round hole into space. Rare versions can also be placed on walls. Can be picked up again once deployed.
Alien Swiss Army Knife: Every basic tool in one, but it takes longer to do stuff than the real thing. If several different tools are applicable it asks which one you want to use. A chance of also having all kinds of other stuff, eg pens, device analysers, rcds, emags, whatever.
Cyborg Parts: Modules with weird alien stuff, worthless crap and existing cyborg items. Arms which add a special ability (using a special tab) to the cyborg or human equipped with them such as firing a pod weapon or grabbing an adjacent person unbreakably. Legs that are just a round thing that allows the borg/human to levitate around very quickly. A positronic brain that will make the borg (or human or ai) into a friendly NPC which tries to help (repair nearby breaches or heal injuries) but is quite annoying, and does not understand humans. Small chance that it will act friendly until it gets a chance to do something bad like open a gas canister or disarm a security officer, then it is aggro.
, bar the wizard for which I gleamed a bit from the wiki )