Thread Rating:
  • 3 Vote(s) - 5 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Full Bohrum Jacket
#1
(The following is some side-project thing I'm working on. I'll probably stash it in the morty library at a later date, but I thought I'd put it up here too for some feedback) 
[Image: dumblore.png]
Reply
#2
[Image: dumblore2.png]
This will be it for a bit, any and all feedback welcome.
Reply
#3
[Image: FBJISS19pt1.png]

[Image: FBJISS19pt2.png]

[Image: FBJISS15pt1.png]
Reply
#4
[Image: FBJISS20.png]
Reply
#5
Very Way Cool
Reply
#6
[Image: FBJISS6pt1.png]
Reply
#7
[Image: FBJISS2.png]
Reply
#8
[Image: FBJISS5.png]

[Image: FBJISS8.png]
Reply
#9
Aside from a billion format and spellcheck things (as well as a few perils of British english needing to be converted to American, especially with "armory") I'm aware of a few little things that'll need a re-write. For example, Four-letter word: It's not a shotgun welded on top of a shotgun, it's a set of four slamguns and that front "handle" is for the slam.

If anyone spots any other issues let me know. I plan once it's all done and I've cleaned it up to post a final draft in one go, and then either put it in Morty's library as a player book. Because there's been a fair bit of discussion on discord, I'll briefly cover a few things here too:

1. It's super nice people seem to be enjoying it, thanks for the feedback! If you see something that you don't like, let me know.
2. This is not written to be a definitive guide. It's just a not so creative writing excercise to do a bit of lore-stuff, and partly because as someone else rightly pointed out: Another way to get information out there to newbees in an interesting way can't be too bad.
3. I'm not going to do some of the guns. From a character perspective, some of them the characters wouldn't know about, or wouldn't even have access to. Out of character a level of mystery is important. Also frankly some of them -I- Don't know about.
4. I'm not touching melee or grenades or anything else. I'd love to see someone else do it though. Heck, I'd love to see someone write up technobabble stuff for science equipment and the computers.
5.Sourcing for lore has been mostly from the Corporations page of the Wiki (https://wiki.ss13.co/Corporations), flavour descriptions of the guns themselves, and some discord lore dumps from Cogwerks. If you like any particular worldbuilding detail it's probably not me, it's probably Cog or whoever made the guns!
6.If you can do better, I genuinely believe you. If this inspires you to make something better please give it a shot. I would happily throw this all in the bin for some decent worldbuilding.
Reply
#10
[Image: FBJISS23aprlflls.png]

[Image: FBJISS26.png]

[Image: FBJISS27.png]
Reply
#11
[Image: FBJ-Epilogue.png]

[Image: FBJ-Epilogue2.png]
Reply
#12
That wraps up the basic first draft for this. I'll be spending the next few days working through it all. Please if you have any thoughts let me know. Some issues so far:

- Basic spelling, format standardisation and little things like a bad habit of switching between "armory" and armoury"
- A few individual re-writes of weapons to better reflect their functionality.
- Continuity and lore checks for proper company association. I have almost certainly made some huge plotholes that will be fun to pick out.
- Work out how to break this up and put it in the library in a way that won't flood it with a ton of nonsense that drowns out other submissions, or if there's a better approach to do this. There's been a fun few suggestions.
- Some time for anyone bored enough to read the whole thing to spot something awful that I haven't.

When that's done, I'll put up some kind of unified final draft or something that isn't spread into a million fragmented pieces and it's likely from there that'll be it. A few people have expressed interest in doing similar creative writing excercises so I'm very much looking forward to seeing what others come up with. Huge thanks to those who have been reading along and especially those who have given some feedback!
Reply
#13
[Image: agghh.png]

So a big problem is that with player submitted books I can't get the formatting to work, so it'll just be plain text. No images either which I knew about but is a bit of a shame.
The bigger problem is that due to the letter limit on paper means that to submit the whole thing would FLOOD the notice boards. I'm not a huge fan of drowning out other people's submissions like I said. 
I'm willing to entertain any ideas here, but right now I think either I put up a few pieces and leave it at that, or put it up on the wiki (after checking that's okay) just for people to poke at. Worst case, it can all just live on here.
Reply
#14
https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PA...6SYq93/pub

That's the manuscript draft so to speak.
Reply
#15
(08-12-2024, 03:21 AM)Lefinch Wrote: or put it up on the wiki (after checking that's okay) just for people to poke at.

That sounds like it would be fine for a userpage imo, as long as you're just using the weapon images that are already on the wiki.  I'm not an admin or anything though so take with a grain of salt.
Reply


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)