Best moments ever thread 2.0

[Chike101]

Litterally right now a syndicate round is going down.

I was the first to die.

I spent 5 minutes gearing up and stuff ready to infiltrate the station via disposals.

You successfully forge the ID card.
You slipped on the banana peel!
You begin to recover.
Imperator Pritchard farts delicately.
Damien Petrov says, "Interesting.."
Todd Wallick says, "Eyebrows"
Damien Petrov says, "Ah"
Funk Creations Operative #4 says, "I gonna hit some crates really quick"
DEAD: Ghost (Funk Creations Operative #1) moans, "OH MY GOD Bg"
DEAD: Ghost (Funk Creations Operative #1) laments, "I SLIPPED ON THE BANANA AND RAN INTO THHE GIBBER FUCK"

I cried laughing.

One, I saw your gibs. Two, it happens to the best of us. I'll give one of my famous stories as an example, in poetic form

It was a dark and cold space night
And the Syndicate had planned a scheme.
Send Chike and a few nerds to do it right
And blow up Space Station Thirteen.

Chike and his cronies went in through disposals all bold
But Chike slipped on a Banana that had grown a quantity of mold.
After he slipped, he struggled to get up
But due to the crusher, he was plumb out of luck.

As Chike's organs covered the ceiling, the Syndies were left leaderless
But God Damn, were those idiots fearless.
They went on to get dat fukken disk
At least, when he signed up, Chike knew the risk.

[ThoseDernSquirrels]

Last round Gannon revealed his horrifying past and how Discount Dan Sr.'s experimental soup changed him into a shapeshifting alien from beyond the stars. He later then on the shuttle ate his brother because of all the abuse he dealt towards Gannon in their childhood-adulthood life

[UrsulaMejor]

Seeing as the new lighting update makes it so i can't see anything in places that have light bulbs, i made the best of it by become an airbridge tramp

http://i.imgur.com/EOafUce.png
Here i am, staking a claim in my new home. Pictured: A nice borg

http://i.imgur.com/kktBQN8.png
A few people gave me some housewarming gifts, and the borgs acquired for me some decorations and things to pretty up my new home. Someone stole all my money but two credits, so i used them as nice symmetrical little art peices

http://i.imgur.com/BWXDH5s.png
Spigot the Bear was giving everyone drugs and provided me with the means to completing my transformation into the bridge tramp.
The borgs also managed to get me some food in that locker there! A sustainable home life in a peaceful little airbridge for a poor old airbridge tramp.

http://imgur.com/EOafUce,kktBQN8,4S22sI ... ,Iqg5xec#4
Spoiler!

Once a year we throw a party here in town
Once a year we turn all Paris upside down
Ev'ry man's a king and ev'ry king's a clown
Once again it's Topsy Turvy Day
It's the day the devil in us gets released
It's the day we mock the prig and shock the priest
Ev'rything is topsy turvy at the Feast of Fools!

[Sundance]

Seeing as the new lighting update makes it so i can't see anything in places that have light bulbs, i made the best of it by become an airbridge tramp

http://i.imgur.com/EOafUce.png
Here i am, staking a claim in my new home. Pictured: A nice borg

http://i.imgur.com/kktBQN8.png
A few people gave me some housewarming gifts, and the borgs acquired for me some decorations and things to pretty up my new home. Someone stole all my money but two credits, so i used them as nice symmetrical little art peices

http://i.imgur.com/BWXDH5s.png
Spigot the Bear was giving everyone drugs and provided me with the means to completing my transformation into the bridge tramp.
The borgs also managed to get me some food in that locker there! A sustainable home life in a peaceful little airbridge for a poor old airbridge tramp.

http://imgur.com/EOafUce,kktBQN8,4S22sI ... ,Iqg5xec#4
Spoiler!

Once a year we throw a party here in town
Once a year we turn all Paris upside down
Ev'ry man's a king and ev'ry king's a clown
Once again it's Topsy Turvy Day
It's the day the devil in us gets released
It's the day we mock the prig and shock the priest
Ev'rything is topsy turvy at the Feast of Fools!

Woah dude, that's fucking weird. Why is it like that?

[UrsulaMejor]

Woah dude, that's fucking weird. Why is it like that?

I don't have a graphics card, so i run byond on software emulation mode. This means that the lighting graphics are officially too pretty for my computer to emulate without hardware support.

[Goton564]

Pauleen Moore cries.
Leon Stripes is trying to take off El Bort's ID Card (Captain) from El Bort's uniform!
Pauleen Moore is trying to empty El Bort's pockets!!
Waffle Corporation Commander (as ) fires a rocket at the floor!
You are struck by shrapnel!
... You can almost hear someone talking ...
... You can almost hear someone talking ...
You start bleeding!
You feel cold!
Pauleen Moore shivers.
You begin to recover.
Your chest hurts!
Your chest hurts!

Nobody expects the Waffle Corporation inquisition!

[Chike101]

The round before, Lillian had turned herself into Papal, and they were both bent on turning me. Eventually, through much struggle, I was assimilated.

Then, in OOC, Lillian said next round everyone would be me.
This was a sign of things to come.

I started as an assistant, as all great leaders have humble beginnings. The AI names himself CHIKE_BD and a borg Chikebot. I head to customs to get my ID changed to 'Great Leader' and head down to chemistry. Lillian prepares the secret formula to change someone into me. Through trial of dosage, she eventually gets it right and turns into me. We Chikened the next man, and the next, and soon all of Chemistry was Chikened. We spread out about the station with Chike Juice, and I manage to Chiken the detective. I head back to Chemistry to get a refil of Chike Juice, and some traitor comes in the window and kills me and another Chike. Welp.

But wait, there's more! The AI calls out the dead Chikes in Chemistry, and three other Chikes come to help! Our corpses are brought to genetics, in which I, Chike Prime, am cloned. The other one was uncloneable. Rip. The MD says, 'Hey, there are a bunch of Chikes in robotics, why don't you go hangout with them?' Lo and behold, five more Chikes. Lillian is among them. To test if I am me, she asks me about one of my vampire hunting exploits, in which he had 30 bats confined to a single bathroom. She was satisfied with my answer. As the Chikes walked out into medbay, we searched for my looted ID, which was nowhere near it was left. To our disdain, an assistant ran up and dropped a pipebomb.

"Shit."

We all lost a few limbs, and I was dragged to robotics by a helpful borg. Sadly, that very assistant butchered me, the borg, and another Chike with his Saber. Many Chikes fell on that day. The ghosts and I all discussed the round, until the point of which the radio lit up with cries of space being on fire. I float over to space and, as the gods and myself have predicted, Space was literally on fire. Through further investigation, I discovered it was no longer space, but pure fire. Thus, in summary, the species of Chike was strong and lasting, but it was doomed to a ball of fire.

The Chike shall rise again!

[Spy_Guy]

Captain Shambling Abomination explodes in a shower of gibs, hair and piracy!

[APARTHEID]

This has been on my desktop for a while.

Code:

You take a bite of A Farty Snott's Every Flavor Bean!
You feel Swedish, however that works
Your vision blurs.
You feel kind of off-balance and disoriented.
You feel unable to express yourself at all.
You finish eating A Farty Snott's Every Flavor Bean.
John Johnson groans.
John Johnson vomits on the floor profusely!
Ye feel like a reet prat like, innit?
You take a bite of A Farty Snott's Every Flavor Bean!
You feel sweaty.
Monkeys can now speak to humans.
You feel like you can't control your actions fully.
You feel sick.
Y-you f.. feel a.. a bit n-n-nervous.
You feel funky.
You feel an irritating itch in your throat.
It's quiet. Too quiet.
Your thoughts become disorderly and hard to control.
You feel blubbery and lethargic!
You can't seem to see anything!
You can't seem to form any coherent thoughts!
You feel like you want to smile and smile and smile forever :)
You feel one with your surroundings.
You feel bloated and gassy.

[Weavel]

Vialki Pieveri [145.9] says, "I'VE HIDDEN GUNS ALL OVER THE SOUTH SIDE OF SPACE STATION 13"
Vialki Pieveri [145.9] says, "COME GET YOUR FREE LASERS NOW! JUST BRING A SECURITY GUARD CARD AND PICK THEM UP. IF YOU SEE ME SCREAM MY NAME AND YOU'LL GET A FREE CRATE"

about four seconds later

Vialki Pieveri [145.9] stammers, "CRREEE HHEEELLPP PPPPLLLEAASSEE"

[neogeo0823]

I just had my crowning achievement round as an engineer. I set up the engine flawlessly. Nothing was left to chance. I spaced the right tiles, and minded the vent valve, and watched the engine. The fire in the combustion room was radiating a beautiful blue light, which turned the fire itself green. The AI marveled that he'd never seen anything like it, and the CE danced with joy. The engine climbed to 4.1MW, and all was right with the station, except for whatever else was going on. Something about changelings in sec, whatever.

Anyway, I ran around and did some errands and busy work, always checking back on the engine. Venting when needed, checking temperatures, you know how it goes. I kept the pipes leading into the engine core at around 2-2.5k KPA, and noted the temperature as it soared and soared.

At some point, the heat bleed through got bad enough that I couldn't operate the vent valve or check the pipes without roasting myself. I ran over to genetics and grabbed heat resistance. I made my way back and noticed that the engine wasn't working. Like, the turbines were spinning wildly, but the core wasn't lit. I asked cogwerks about it, and he had no idea what the fuck. Then the engine sprang back to life, and I though everything was fine. NOPE! It went critical and exploded a moment later, taking out most of the core room with it. Faffotron came by to check it out, and marveled at the fire in the combustion chamber. By now the shuttle had been called, so I wandered over there while Cogwerks gave periodic updates on the combustion chamber.

By the end of the round, the chamber had reached 5 TRILLION degrees, and was climbing pretty quickly. For refference, most stars get up to around 15 million degrees. This was the chamber at the end of the round:


Now, it may not look like there's fire, but there's fire. It just happens to be the same blue as the heat it's radiating. It's that god damn hot. My only regret is that I will likely never be able to top it.

[Lavastage]

This is a generator.
Current Output: 24.817 EW
This is a generator.
Current Output: 24.817 EW
The fire in the combustion chamber got past blue and went teal.

[Lavastage]

This is a generator.
Current Output: 24.817 EW
This is a generator.
Current Output: 24.817 EW
The fire in the combustion chamber got past blue and went teal.

sorry for double post where is the fekking edit button?!?!?!?!?!?!?

But later the engine busted and the fire started tearing through the station at an alarming rate, it melted doors for fecks sake!

[Karakoran]

The server glitches out and most of the crew spawned naked in the Arrivals shuttle. The station collapsed into anarchy when roaming gangs of naked people began beating down and stripping anyone wearing cloths. Captain got knocked unconscious and looted (except for his cloths).

Later I was crapping around in Genetics and we were chilling, smoking rainbow weed, and doing genetic research on people - in that order. I had gained telepathy, so when the Captain walked I told him telepathically to smoke a shitton of weed. I think he thought I was an admin or something because I also convinced him that he was a monkey and that Stone Cold Apist (one of the genetics monkeys) was his dad. He broke the monkey out of the GenTex scanner and ran off with him. I think he brought it on the escape shuttle too.

[Spy_Guy]

Rolled scientist traitor and decided that there was only one thing to do with my god-given powers to crime!
Eyes glowing bright with purpose and malice I instantly set about preparing my weapon of choice, travelling the wreckage field from east to west. Finally I stand huddled in my lab, the evil concoction nearly completed. I let a fiendish, searing heat wash over it as I lay the finishing touches and...

A sweet and sugary scent drifts from the unpleasant milky substance.

Today I have decided I shall be... Leif Badstrand - professional heartbreaker!
Of course, a heartbreaker may very well settle for destroying someone from the shadows, waiting patiently until the opportunity arises. However as said before I am a professional, as such, my victims and soon-to-be victims (commonly referred to as "bystanders") must know what happened to them, and who did it. Anything short of an emagged hypospray is clearly out of the question!

The problem with this approach in a crowded area is that everyone, their dog and their dog's parents are carrying some form of stun weaponry, and with a weapon such as mine, even the tiniest push can be fatal. Emag and stimulants it is, then!
Of course, stimulants do not last forever, so I decided to use yet another trick in order to empower myself for the upcoming battle:

The solution shows signs of life, forming shapes!

This mysterious reagent will no doubt provide me with quite a boost to the longevity of my stimulants. Armed with these chemical weapons of unheard potential I set course for the station, where the shuttle is already en route thanks to a patch of unusually fat air. My first objective is to obtain a hypospray, which is an easy task, given my all access cryptographic sequencer. A couple of blasted doors later and I find myself with my prize, not one, but two hyposprays.

This is it. It's go-time, the result of a very long time of meticulous research. It is almost with a touch of trepidation I prepare the hyposprays and load them with my poison.

Hypospray safeties disabled.
Hypospray safeties disabled.
You transfer 10 units of the solution to Hypospray (initropidril).
You transfer 10 units of the solution to Hypospray (initropidril).
You transfer 10 units of the solution to Hypospray (initropidril).
You transfer 10 units of the solution to Hypospray (initropidril).
You transfer 10 units of the solution to Hypospray (initropidril).
You transfer 10 units of the solution to Hypospray (initropidril).

The shuttle is now only a meagre two minutes away from the station, and I quickly inject my stimulants, followed by swallowing my enhancement pill and set upon the medbay lobby looking for my first target.
He appears in a robuddy costume; the RD himself greeting me casually, but I am in a ferocious amount of hurry, I will not have the shuttle depart without the fools aboard knowing true fear and agony as their own bodies betray them, the very thing keeping them alive stopping mid-stride, knowing nothing but a burning pain and awe.

I shove past him, holding the hypo out and dosing him up without so much as breaking pace. The scene falls silent for a second as the hypospray's built-in speaker announces what transpired...

Leif Badstrand injects Bertil Benrangel with 5 units of initropidril.

Silence falls for a moment. He stares at me in disbelief. I pause a few paces behind him and turn around, looking to see his reaction. He stumbles a bit and stares at me.
"No." he says, "You fucker".
He takes off towards research, going as fast as he can. He does not make it past the airbridge dock before collapsing in a heap, dead.

At this point a combination of urgency and adrenaline overtakes me, and I do not recall much between the RD collapsing and my eventual arrival at the shuttle. I do remember the firelocks being down and I lacked a crowbar to bypass them, so I took a detour through genetics, injecting an engineer seeking medical assistance and a moonlighting quartermaster questing for superpowers. I do not know their reactions, I did not stay, but I do know their fates and they were grim indeed.

I used my emag to blast open the doors through genetics maintenance to the escape wing, injecting yet another hapless crewmember on my way. During the brief reprieve before I open the final doors into the escape wing I pause to reload my hypospray. 20 units. Four lives.

The opening fanfare of my rampage is swift, dramatic and merciless. I find myself standing in the middle of several people all hoping to board the shuttle, leaving the hellhole we call our workplace. In what can best be described as a murderous pirouette I spin around in the middle of them all, hypospray held out, coming into contact with each of them in turn, before anyone understands what is going on.

The Emergency Shuttle has docked with the station! You have 3 minutes to board the Emergency Shuttle.
Leif Badstrand injects Isaac Kirkhope with 5 units of initropidril.
You inject 5 units of initropidril. The hypospray now contains 25 units.
Leif Badstrand injects Declan Seed with 5 units of initropidril.
You inject 5 units of initropidril. The hypospray now contains 20 units.
Leif Badstrand injects Richard Grabber with 5 units of initropidril.
You inject 5 units of initropidril. The hypospray now contains 15 units.
Richard Grabber shivers.
Leif Badstrand injects James Johnson with 5 units of initropidril.
You inject 5 units of initropidril. The hypospray now contains 10 units.
James Johnson gasps.
Leif Badstrand injects Mauricio Buzzard with 5 units of initropidril.
You inject 5 units of initropidril. The hypospray now contains 5 units.
James Johnson gasps.
Declan Seed screams!
Captain Sensible says, "wow"
Captain Sensible says, "bad"
Declan Seed collapses!
James Johnson gasps.
Richard Grabber gasps.
James Johnson gasps.
Richard Grabber gasps.
Richard Grabber shudders.

I step onto the shuttle, hopped up on stimulants, hypospray in hand to come face to face with a stunned crew. I let them know by injecting the last 5u into the nearest staff assistant.
At this point Captain Sensible who previously made a declaration of badness decides to be contrary to his name and he charges me, successfully knocking the empty hypospray out of my hand. At this point something unexpected, but not unwelcome, happens. An explosion goes off in the shuttle, knocking everyone except me off their feet and taking my arm clean off.
I didn't even feel a thing. Those stimulants are strong stuff.

Somehow, this did not discourage Captain Sensible or Oddball Owen, who return into hypospray range, just as I fish out the secondary hypo from my pocket and give Owen a dose, just before he starts hitting me with a police baton, the fool. Captain Sensible disarms me again, however Oddball places himself firmly on top of it, preventing our good Captain from acquiring the one weapon that could have ended this. Shrugging off the savage blows from the baton, I retrieve the hypo from under Owen and manage to at last inject Captain Sensible, and inject Owen again for good measure.

A bright light washes over the shuttle as Captain Sensible suffers immediate cardiac arrest and is consumed by his fancy, dark headwear. For a split second I look at the scene I'm in. My clothes are bloodied from the beating I received earlier at the hands of Oddball Owen, now a gasping soon-to-be corpse, rest his soul, the entire shuttle is a mess from the explosion and littered with the corpses of the members of crew I managed to inject.
Alas no rest for the wicked, and I hear Chef Buttes' familiar voice echo outside: "CRIME DOESN'T PAY!"
He's clearly never worked for the syndicate.

With him is his trusty companion and friend, the Riot Shotgun, always at his side, this time pointed at me. He couldn't have known he was dealing with a man whose arm got blown off without him even flinching. I don't bother with fancy ducking and weaving. I take the only two shots he managed to get off with just the knockback to show for it. Before he can fire again I inject him with a dose of liquid death and back away, letting him aboard the shuttle that would be his final resting place.

The Head of Security would be the last person injected before we departed for centcom in our shuttle of ghosts, the dead and the dying.

Leif Badstrand (played by Herr_Spy_Guy) was a traitor!
Objective #1: Assassinate Slugs Mckenzie, the Chef. Success
Objective #2: Escape on the shuttle alive. Success
The traitor was successful!

In short. Initropidril fucking owns, holy shit.