Identity theft

[LeahTheTech]

I start the shift as medical director on Heisenbee, get my stuff from my locker and wander into the pharmacy to find Samooel Raider the cow geneticist emptying the reserve tanks all over the floor to make chemicals. I yell at him to clean up the mess and point my tranq rifle, which sets off a nearby securitron.

This is where it all starts to go wrong.

I panic and slip on the mess, getting arrested and handcuffed by the bot. I start to laugh before Sam grabs me, yanks off my headset and drags me into the back room.

Oh no.

He knocks me out with a sleepy pen, uses polymorphism to transform into me and quickly swaps our clothes, leaving me in a geneticist jumpsuit and backpack before disappearing out the door.

When I wake up I run to find security and manage to grab the detective and explain what happened. He does not look convinced, says "You're wearing a geneticist jumpsuit..." but lets me drag him to medbay where fake Leah is waiting.

We argue for several minutes about which of us is the real one, with such good points as calling each other "SHOELESS" and "COW WHO STOLE MY FACE". The detective runs a forensic scanner over everything but eventually concludes he's not paid enough to deal with this lunacy and leaves.


I give up on logic and decide on violence, grabbing a circular saw and welding helmet to deal her stolen flashes and mixing a beaker of lube.

Then I hear the sleeper agent chimes and a plan starts to form.

I find fake Leah and flag her down "Hey wait!"
"Yes?"
"This is hilarious, but I just rolled sleeper, do you want to work together?"
She doesn't look too convinced but cautiously agrees.
We dress up in identical outfits and I suggest we rogue the AI, thinking I can trap her and laser her to death with the turret controls.

I get close a few times as people jostle her into the turret's range, but there's just too many people around and we eventually have to leave.
She suggests the next plan of ambushing security and then says the magical words "Do you want to pen them?"

Oh yes.

I take the sleepy pen and instantly stab her with it. She drools, stares at me for a moment of horrible realisation and runs out the door. I lose track of her as I try to avoid being tranqued and she gets away in the confusion. I start desperately searching for her, knowing I need to find her before the neurotoxin wears off.
"AI, track me!"
I'm pretty sure the AI was rogue by this point, but my request is insane enough that it laughs and complies, replying "Do you mean the one running around or the one dead in maint?"
I get to her just as the world's only helpful staff assistant is dragging her out of a maintenance tunnel towards medbay, I try to grab her and run but they chase and a couple of other people start trying to stop me dragging her off. I manage to slip them with my beaker of lube and dive into an unlit corridor before finally finishing the job with the saw, taking back my ID and backpack and throwing her corpse into the void.


And that is the story of how I had my identity stolen, failed to convince security due to being dressed as a geneticist, and eventually betrayed and murdered my imposter.

The screenshots are courtesy of Pali who was watching the entire thing and laughing.

[Zamujasa]

i was watching this happen in the admin bullshit channel and munching on virtual popcorn, it was grand

[Solwra]

Trust no one, not even yourse- *gets penned*