Complaint HukHukHuk, Discord, ~7am EST

[Yellow]

Background Information:

Back at the start of April, I posted this PR: https://github.com/goonstation/goonstation/pull/4258

There are two notable things about it, first is the basic finger snapping removal, second is the fact that I attempted to remove the emote *nippletweak, with very little clarification in the actual PR.


[/url][url=https://imgur.com/a/dmozC17]Here is the initial description, note that the title does not clarify I am removing nipple tweaking at all

Not outwardly stating in the title that I was removing nipple tweaking was an awful action that I soon came to regret when it was made clear to me how awful it was.

In my mind, I thought that it was just a relic of goon history, one used to sexually harass people, that would not be missed, so I had no reason not to be lazy and toss the PR's together [I QUICKLY LEARNED THIS WAS A MISTAKE].

I did/and still do not believe there would be a way to use nipple-tweaking that wouldn't constitute sexual harassment.


Here is the response I got from Kyle about the Nipple Tweaking removal I included in my PR. They stated "Regarding the tweak emote. That's Dr. Singh's joke and I wouldn't remove it without his say so."

I have had 0 interaction with Dr. Singh, the furthest of my knowledge of them is seeing them referenced in some ban appeals, and seeing their name on old news posts. I don't believe I've ever interacted with them positively or negatively, and I am under the full understanding that some jokes that were put into Goon at the time were just fine for the culture that Goon had then, but not at all for what we have now.

[to clarify, this is all background knowledge, I was completely in the wrong when making that PR, this next section covers my actual issue]

Goon Discord:

[Note, I may include more than is necessary of all mine and their messages as I do not want to possibly not include important messages]

My issue arises when Nipple Tweaking got mentioned in the Gooncord this morning, and people asked about the origins, and I posted this screenshot.


It gets some harsh responses, about other people talking about it being brought up previously


Chat continues on for 9 minutes, nipple tweaking isn't mentioned again as the topic has changed to pre-sprite screenshots at this point.

HukHukHuk enters the chat for the first time that morning, and says "someone said to the effect of fuck dr singh " and directly after (unpictured) states "which is uncool"
[img]someone said to the effect of fuck dr singh [/img]

At this point I'm a bit worried that I had said something that could be misconstrued as hostile towards Dr. Singh as I do not know them and do not want to have a bad relation with them if we ever were to meet.

Here I am clarifying the conversation that was taking place, and state my null relationship to Dr. Singh


HukHukHuk then accuses me, of by combining the PR's and not being clear that I was removing nipple tweaking in it, that I was trying to be "sneaky"


Here they claim that others saw it as okay to nipple tweak and leave it in the code. Back in april when I discovered the nipple tweaking code was still in the game, I asked ImCoder about it, to which I got the universal response of "its a relic of goon past" and to get rid of it. This is what encouraged me to toss it in with my snapping pr [NOT SAYING IT WAS A GOOD IDEA, IT WAS NOT].


This is the most important part of the report


I get called "a rat", HukHukHuk did not participate in the github conversation so I know they must've heard about it through the admin channels, where apparently a consensus had been made that I was "conniving and deceptive" about my PR.

I thought I made it clear I had learned my lesson back in April with my PR after being informed that it was not cool at all to do what I did. To know I'm still being thought of within the admin team as a "rat" is something really hurtful and reality shattering to me.

For context to future panels


This is the end of the conversation, where apparently I am not a rat, but a "snitch" (or maybe even both ??). Both are still extremely negative terms that are being used to describe me over a stupid mistake I made in April


I honestly feel very hurt by this, and with the way that a lot of the statements were written by HukHukHuk, I feel as if the sentiment aganist me being a rat/snitch/being conniving and deceptive is shared by a lot of the discussing admin team that I'm not close with.

It's an insight into the discussions that have gone on about me behind cllosed doors in the admin chats.

I don't expect everyyone to like me, but someone I've never even talked to before likke HukHukHuk coming at me with such hostility over this really has me extremely worried about how I'm seen in this community by the people I haven't interacted with.

I don't know Dr. Singh, I have never talked to them! I just think their joke of nipple tweaking was not meant for modeern goon! I don't think the ccombination of that makes me a rat!

If the admin team has an issue with the person I am or how I conduct myself, I guess you ccan message mee or respond in the comments if its something constructive?? I don't even know anymore, I just don't think I deserve to be treated like this with no explanation.

Even when I tried to explain my actions, I didn't not get labeled a rat, I just got labeled "a snitch" instead.

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I'm sorry for this being my whatever # post in the admin feedbbacks, I genuinely hate being here and it gives me an extreme amount of anxiety to type this. I would've avoided typing this without a few friends encouraging me to post this.

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Everything went wrong with my image embeds and I cannot edit this, the links in the text are the same imgur links that the images are

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https://imgur.com/a/tufL30l

https://imgur.com/a/9bkZZxk

https://imgur.com/a/tufL30l

https://imgur.com/a/hYFYu6C

https://imgur.com/a/BwvCPet

https://imgur.com/a/N9gQABA

https://imgur.com/a/urygfvc

https://imgur.com/a/yO6FL5s

https://imgur.com/a/dnmXOFp

https://imgur.com/a/9iDpevP

https://imgur.com/a/9EiiOgl

Here is every imgur link in order. Im unsure if I can fix this. This kinda sucks Im sorry

[Flourish]

Hi Yellow -

Your initial PR did not mention removing nipple tweaking in its title or description, and so a couple devs rightfully pointed out that it seemed like you were being evasive and trying to sneak a change in. You apologized and changed it, and that was that. Kyle's response was his opinion and was not an opinion the team as a whole held, as evidenced by -



Regarding what Huk said earlier today, I agree that it was rude and he should not have insulted you like that. Some context - Huk and Singh are both pretty "old" admins, and Huk can be pretty protective of people he considers his pals. Of course I don't think that excuses his behavior, but it helps explain why he showed up in #rp-chat.

I also think that what you're saying in this thread comes off as manipulative, regardless of whether you intended it or not. Ascribing the actions of one admin to the rest of the team and saying that "behind closed doors", we've gossiped a bunch about you and come to a consensus that you're a "rat" and "conniving and deceptive", is a very large leap in logic. It's untrue and pretty offensive and also makes me wonder whether you're making this complaint in good faith or not. I don't think most people would immediately assume the worst and make no attempt to clarify the situation with any other admins before bringing it up in an complaint. Though you've also mentioned experiencing extreme anxiety, so it may be a product of that. In which case I'm definitely sympathetic, and I know how much it sucks, so I hope clearing up these misunderstandings helps you feel less anxious and hurt.

[Yellow]

I did not attempt to come off as manipulative at all, I deeply apologize for that!!!!

I’ll try to explain where I’m coming from but you may be right an anxiety is overriding my thought processes

I felt as if this had come from behind closed doors and I have had 0 communications with Huk or Singh that I can even remember, if I’ve had any. A lot of Huk’s comments included the phrases “we” as in reference to the admin team. The fact they had such a strong opinion on it while having not participated in the conversation on the GitHub (along with the “we”) led me to feel as if I was missing a part of a larger discussion behind closed doors.

[apologies if this isn’t entirely coherent, I’ve been up for too long]

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And to clarify, I had 0 issues with what Kyle said, or the issue of the GitHub in general, it just was required context for anyone on the team who didn’t know the full situation. That was entirely on me!! I saw it as an extremely stupid decision on my part that I had not put a full level of thought into before going through with it

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Or maybe not? I’m re-reading the messages now and I cannot locate where, if it even did, say “we” before. I apologize for making that connection here, disregard that statement please, I’m not doing too well.

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Alright I found it, it wasn’t we. It was “our issue was being a rat about it”

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I think the use of “our” in that statement really made it feel as if the entire belief was charged behind admin discussion, that it wasn’t just a singular opinion.

Sorry for how much of a mess of organization and ideas these responses are

[Flourish]

I don't think you were purposefully trying to be manipulative, I just wanted to comment on it since regardless of your intentions, your post felt weird to me. Since you had mentioned leaving you constructive comments, I thought it would be good to point it out and explain why I felt that way.

I appreciate your explanation, and just to reiterate (since again, anxiety sucks and I really don't want you feeling this way), no one on the team hates you or thinks you're a rat or anything, and I think you should be kinder to yourself (you really don't have to keep describing your actions as awful or stupid, it really wasn't a big deal imo).