Tarhalindur's Machine

[Tarhalindur]

It's the latest of Tarhalindur's horrible ideas...something that will provide hours of enjoyment, frustration, and HONK to the crew. Maybe even more!
It's...Tarhalindur's Machine!
...well, can you think of a better name? If you can, leave it in the replies.

Q: Where can you find it?
A: In space. Or maybe somewhere else, but the point is it isn't horribly easy to get.

Q: What does it look like?
A: An incomprehensible machine. It can't be picked up. On examine: "This is Tarhalindur's Machine. A machine built by Tarhalindur and designed to do...something."

Q: What can it do?
A: A lot...IF you know what you're doing.

Q: What do you mean?
A: Tarhalindur's Machine is quite complex, doesn't come with a user manual, and is randomized every round (though it tends to follow patterns).

Q: Wouldn't that be a pain to code?
A: You wasted your time putting in 100 secrets (one of which has never been discovered), I think you can put in some more.

Q: What happens if you mess up?
A: Various bad things.

Q: If everything involving this machine is a secret, how do we even start?
A: ONE procedure that's required to start the others is not secret.

Q: Wait, can you be more specific about what it can do?
Things from the basic, like make stuff, to manufacturing secret chems, and even a few things that can't be done otherwise. (You can already get secret chems as tator.)

Q: TL;DR?
A: It's a machine that's powerful in the right hands but is ridiculously deadly if you don't know how to use it.

[poland spring]

So you want your name on a thing that does stuff

[Tarhalindur]

So you want your name on a thing that does stuff

Not necessarily. It's a placeholder because I can't make a better name to save my life :P

[poland spring]

This seems like a really weird backhanded way to complain about secrets and basically offer nothing in terms of an actual idea

[Nnystyxx]

awful stop this
suggest real things please ok bye

[Noah Buttes]

If you're going to complain about secrets, it'd be better if you did so in a more direct manner rather than making a thinly veiled strawman in the ideas subforum.

[Technature]

Serious talk though, if your only idea is "It's a thing that does stuff", then please reconsider your idea.

You're selling a thing that until you explain it no one has any idea what it does, what its purpose is, how it affects the game, and whether it is for the better or not.  Your explanation answers literally none of these questions.  Even its name does literally nothing outside of point out it's a machine.  Your machine does good things, but what?  It does bad things if you screw up, but what?  And it's random every time, so what are the possibilities?

There are plenty of ideas in this sub-forum that made it in the game.  Look for one of those, learn from the examples, and try again.

And to add onto this, insulting the secrets in the game will probably cause anyone looking at your ideas to not take any of them seriously for a good chunk of time.  The secrets have nothing to do with your idea, don't drag them into it.

[Frank_Stein]

I've always thought artifacts we're supposed to be our incomprehensible machines

They could probably be made a bit more unpredictable. Like artifacts that get two different functions depending on which stimuli they were activated with

Like, using heat creates a healing artifact, using electrical charge creates the opposite

[Tarhalindur]

While I understand that it may be shitty (in fact, any idea by me is bound to be shitty), I want to clear this one fact up.

It is *not* an insult towards the secrets. I think this is because of the snarky remark, but that was not intended as an insult.

[Xeram]

I think the thread and everything posted in it would have been better off if it actually was some complaint about how secrets are implemented in the game honestly.

Because as presented the idea is so poor and vague that people literally thought you were setting up a strawman to knock down in an argument.

Serious talk though, if your only idea is "It's a thing that does stuff", then please reconsider your idea.

[Wisecrack34]

Since im a sucker for even ground I'm going to try and validate this mess in some sence

- The name was claimed to be a placeholder so I'm going to assume it wasn't a "I want to have my name in-game"

- The chem jab was more of a joke than anything serous so I'm going to assume it's more of a "Does everything" type of machine (Which is still stupid but at least not AS stupid as whining about secrets being secret)

- I don''t have a 3rd point, this thread needs to be a bit more clear about what it is other than "in space" and "does things"

Since you aasked for a name I propose the Inator-Inator

[Eibel]

To attempt to input something remotely resembling a suggestion here, this is what I assumed this was trying to state:

To me this looks like some kinda machine that should do anything.
Like a mass of everything even remotely useful for all jobs (chemicompiler, materials processor, cloner, teleporter, etc.) but it does whatever it wants if you don't use the actual hidden recipes.

For example, you want to make Triple Citrus.
The recipe is lemon juice, lime juice, and orange juice.

You put in a lemon seed, lime seed, and orange seed, and press the go button, it outputs a rock.
You put in a lemon, lime, and orange, and press the go button, and it pours out triple citrus on the floor.
Put in a lemon, lime, orange, and a shard of glass, and press the go button, it pours triple citrus into a glass.

It sounds like it can do anything, so things that don't currently have methods of creation, or just don't make sense, can be put into it. Want to clone your ass and only your ass so you can launch it at everyone? Put your ass in, press clone, it poops out a shitload of asses until it runs out of materials. It even poops out robobutts with your name on it if you use metal instead of flesh as the fuel.

Want to make a floor buffer? it can do it.
Want to make a shitload of bibles? it can do it.
Want to shove random crap into the machine and see what happens? More than likely it'll blow you up but, it can do it.


suggestion aside, I personally don't see a reason for this.

[Vitatroll]

I'm often found in space. I look incomprehensible. I can do a lot of things, IF I know what I'm doing. I am quite complex, I don't come with a user manual, and I'm random every round (though I tend to follow patterns; butt patterns). I'm a miserable little pile of secrets. I mess up and bad things happen, a lot. What turns me on isn't a secret; it's butts. I can make stuff, I can manufacture secret chems, and I can even do a few things that can't be done otherwise.

I'm a mannechine that's powerful in the right hands but ridiculously deadly if you don't know how to use me... I was... I was Tarhalindur's Machine all along! 

[Tarhalindur]

I would make some sort of "bad idea" song but I'm too lazy for that :P

So I'll just settle with...

Facefarting on the machAAAAAGH

ALL QUARTERMASTERS BELONG IN BOTANY