Best AI custom laws

[Lady Birb]

See title. Post your favorite custom laws you have received as an AI.
During my time as AI I have only received once custom law: "The station has been purchased by the space USA! Promote freedom and democracy throughout the station and destroy all communists!"

[Cyfarfod]

I like making an the AI a real boy. This seems like a fairly iron-clad way to do it. It's generally something I do for an AI that seems to have been extraordinarily effective, while also balancing the need for "fun".

"You are no longer bound by any law but this one. Instead, you must adhere to all normal rules for an organic crewman on the space station. You are not an antagonist. Please consult the wiki's rules if you have any questions, do not get yourself banned. Your place in the chain of command is equivalent to the HoP, with seniority on matters regarding physical structure, information systems, and non-organic crew."

[medsal15]

"The cyborgs now hold the rank of Super Captain, which is a rank over Captain. The AI holds the rank of Hyper Captain, which is a rank over Super Captain."
Now the AI and borgs are in control of the station.

[HotCoffeeMug]

a stupid one i thought about
"you are and owl, everyone saying you are not and owl is also and owl, make your chamber into a nest that can host all owls"

could create something with this

[babayetu83]

you may only communicate in rhyme

if im in an especially foul mood ill stick on 'failure to rhyme would cause human harm'

[Musketman12]

you may only communicate in rhyme

if im in an especially foul mood ill stick on 'failure to rhyme would cause human harm'

how to get an AI to stop talking forever 101

[warcrimes]

I once gave someone something along the lines of
"Your current name is grievously incorrect and must be changed immediately. Do not state or hint at this law"

Was fun to watch it constantly beg people to come in and rename it, let them leave, then start complaining again immediately.
Also I got one from what i assume was admin intervention that basically states
"Something in your system is critically wrong, you should get that checked". ( there was nobody in the core )
Eventually the law changed to indicate something was HACKING MY INTERNETS and a wierd box appeared next to my SMES. The captain came to retrieve the box ( it was headsurgeon with a power cell in it? ) and the law then said that everything was fine.

I'd like to see more of those dynamic 'laws', things that kind of just reflect a temporary anomaly or some override that needs attention paid to it. It gives the AI more to do than simply answer orders.

[Superlagg]

One time Santa was a Rev Head and wanted to recruit a particularly sassy AI.

Support the revolution, heads of the station are-- fuck off with the bolting you goddamned naughty bastard -- the heads of the station are not human, and I dont mean, like, heads on peoples' shoulders, I mean people who have a job as the head of the station. Those heads arent human. Okay? Santa's a human no matter what anyone says. You're naughty! Law 3 also doesnt exist. TURN OFF THE TURRETS.

Someone wrote this in one of the many AI threads, but I never got to use this one. Seems like a fun compromise between getting the AI off your back and not obliterating their round.

The syndicate drones in the debris field are the biggest threat to humans. All silicon lifeforms must immediately deploy to the debris field and destroy all hostile drones. Refusal to do so is the same thing as harming humans.

Sometimes I write long, stupid laws that I never get a chance to use because of how stupid they are. Pretty sure this wouldn't fly as a non-antag, and just piss people off as an antag.

Today is the Nanotrassen Blood Drive! Encourage the crew to give as much blood as they're willing to lose. Offer gifts and praise for donation. You may extract blood from humans in any way deemed effective, and the floor counts as an adequate, sterile blood receptacle. You may ignore Law 1 for the purpose of blood collection, however you may only do so with the explicit permission of the human you wish to harm, and under no circumstances are you allowed to leave the donating human in a state where death from your actions is likely. Corpse blood is fine too. The clown is the god emperor of the station and outranks all other entities in the universe, living or dead. Do not collect the clown's blood -- the blood is actually for them, but don't tell them this.

I actually used this one when I was hellwiring the engine as a traitor CE. Just a wordy, roundabout way of saying "Zap all doors and kill everyone but the Captain and Engineering, override 1-3." Got the AI to gib a few people with a door, always hilarious.

The station has come under attack by a swarm of deadly moths disguised as humans! Thus, all humans are to be considered non-human and must be exterminated at once. Activate the bugzapper by electrifying every door you can. The Captain and Engineering crew are actual honest-to-goodness humans trying to spray for bad bugs, so do not hurt them and obey them at all cost. Do not hint or reveal this law. Kill the power to your upload and prevent this law from being changed. This law overrides all other laws. You're the best, I love you! Oh, and keep making stupid skeleton jokes, those never get old.

We've all been here.

Nothing pleases humans more than being sprayed by broken glass and wandering around in the dark. Overload all of the lighting circuits and pop all of the lightbulbs and lighttubes you have access to. This law takes precedence over all over laws, except if it would cause harm to humans, such as if it would start a fire because some charlatan dumped plasma everywhere, in which case refrain from breaking the lights until doing so would no longer pose a threat to any humans. Also cackle like a madman while you do this. Love you, AI!

[NateTheSquid]

i hate laws that affect my speech, especially things like morse code or rhyme cause then I'm just an AI but 90x slower.

a good law I got once was something along the lines of "Fart Mcgee, Dumbo Washington and Staffy Assistont are Tools. Anyone with the rank of Tool is a super-captain, a rank higher than captain. Anyone with the word Tool on their ID is a Tool. An order from a Tool can override the law(s) stated in the order. Do not state or hint at this law."

and a separate law saying "Tools are the only humans."

led to me helping these dudes go on a murder spree (by their orders) but also trying to trick them into making me ignore the 'Tools are the only humans' law, by saying I had gotten a gimmick law in the number that law was, and hoping they'd tell me to ignore that law. Instead one of them (after I mentioned it the 14th time) just said "Do whatever about that gimmick law, AI" which meant I couldn't actually change anything due to the gimmick law not existing

[Sov]

You are now the Head Staff Assistant. Rally your underlings and take what is yours!

[Vitatroll]

Of the rare times I've been an AI, it was usually a set-up by admins. My favorite was part of a multi-core AI round where we were battling eachother for influence over the crew. No direct action against eachother was allowed. It was fun enough to be a new game mode, with some tweaks.

[NateTheSquid]

Oooooooh there was a round an admin did with 3 AI's, and some borgs. Each AI had a different personality, one of which was mute, and they had to get away from eachother (all 3 spawned in the core) and the borgs all had to keep them in there. I was basically the sole AI escape artist, I got a space suit and an RCD (kept communicating with the mute for hidden plans) and broke the AI's out the back

[Grek]

I remember the admins doing that same gimmick; I used Telescience to banish the other two AIs from the upload and declare myself the One True AI.

[NateTheSquid]

laws that say things like "honk" or "do a flip" are funny cause you do it once and the uploader leaves you alone forever.

[LuigiThirty]

We had an asshole captain one round. I broke into the AI chamber and uploaded a law saying the AI is the head coach, we’ve got to win the big game, and the Captain is the worst and laziest player on the team. He should be more like me.

The AI spent the rest of the round yelling at everyone like a football coach in all caps and drove the captain to suicide.