Goonhub
03-08-2016, 09:04 AM
that's just funny, I stopped playing directly after that Genetics explosion. The fact that people were looking for me for so long is a testament to how good the bathrooms are for a hiding place.
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Best moments ever thread 2.0
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03-22-2016, 07:25 PM
(This post was last modified: 03-22-2016, 08:24 PM by Mageziya. Edited 1 time in total.)
I was a vampire.
There was a wizard. 10 minutes in, and I'm cluwned. A sad and lonely cluwne, No one to speak to except in sad fucking jarring honks, but still with an unending thirst for blood. Because no one suspects an urclown to be, a beast of the niiiiiiiight. What a terrible night for a curse. 'Cause no one suspects a cluwne to be mean their death. Crawling though maintenance like the nightmares of the cluwne who lives under the floor While I was no floor cluwne, I was still to be feared, like a vision from hell, cluwne supreme, in a bout of megalomania, I decided to take on the world but little did I know, being pinned down in the shuttle cockpit is not a good place to show the world the truth, the truth that you're a monster, 'cause next thing you know you're cuffed and running around like a headless chicken, but at least I made it to centcom. I have no idea why I wrote that all down as song. There is literally no rhythm or melody that goes with this discordant pile of garbage. What's funny is that this was literally my second ever round as Vampire. I've been playing for over a year and a half. My first round was probably about a year ago and ended in 15 minutes when an admin crashed the server due to shenanigans and was never compensated, since it was before the Antag Token system was put in place. In the end though, there's something always amusing about cluwnes secretly being abominations or other things. Like that one time I mindslaved a person who was bothering me when I was a traitor cluwne. They were so confused. 
03-23-2016, 02:24 AM
(This post was last modified: 03-23-2016, 02:25 AM by poland spring. Edited 1 time in total.)
The other day there was this weird murder mystery where the captain's wife Aunt Jemima had died and pancakes and syrup were haunting the station, and a weird void lobby was in arrivals. I spawned as the chaplain and insisted I was there to perform a marriage ceremony, but nobody showed up but a botanist and a pile of cash.
Of course I married the two of them, and later when Aunt Jemima and the captain were in the chapel I mistook their cries to perform the ceremony to be an exorcism and botched that the hell up, dooming us all to syrupy death Edit: "I now declare you man and currency. You may spend the bride."
03-25-2016, 07:55 AM
Daniel Fortesque hits the pickpocket grapple gun with the revolver!
This is a pickpocket grapple gun. It is set to plant. There are 27.5/40 PUs left! Each shot will currently use 30 PUs! It's currently holding a revolver. Daniel Fortesque shoves Bobo the Clown! Daniel Fortesque screams! You silently fire the the pickpocket grapple gun at the floor! BOOM! Bobo the Clown's head explodes. Bobo the Clown seizes up and falls limp, his eyes dead and lifeless... The new grapple gun owns.
03-27-2016, 07:44 AM
Today I achieved the final form of loaf. A fully automated loaf factory, configurable to produce any kind of loaf on repeat with no human intervention.
Made a pile of einstien-rosen loafs. Each cranked out in a bit less than seven minutes. We've hit peak loaf, people.
03-27-2016, 09:46 AM
(This post was last modified: 03-27-2016, 09:47 AM by Mageziya. Edited 1 time in total.)
I still don't know how to even loaf at all.
My attempts of attaching flushers to pipes seems to fail every time I try. 
03-27-2016, 11:31 AM
(03-27-2016, 07:44 AM)Grayshift Wrote: Today I achieved the final form of loaf. A fully automated loaf factory, configurable to produce any kind of loaf on repeat with no human intervention. I'm just glad that loafing doesn't grind the server to a halt anymore!
03-31-2016, 06:52 AM
(03-27-2016, 07:44 AM)Grayshift Wrote: Today I achieved the final form of loaf. A fully automated loaf factory, configurable to produce any kind of loaf on repeat with no human intervention. bad news for changelings, 80% dmg resistance won't save you from those being thrown at you 
03-31-2016, 07:06 AM
(03-31-2016, 06:52 AM)pnutz Wrote:(03-27-2016, 07:44 AM)Grayshift Wrote: Today I achieved the final form of loaf. A fully automated loaf factory, configurable to produce any kind of loaf on repeat with no human intervention. It will since einstein-rosen loafs aren't actually damaging.
04-09-2016, 12:49 PM
So today, we had a Traitor+Ling round, where I was a roboticist. Everything was calm for about 5 grueling minutes before I heard commotion in genetics.
I walk in through the morgue (the front door was welded shut) to find a greyshirt going by Jim Wilkerson. This man was a raving lunatic: welding medbay doors shut, fucking up genetics and geneticists like he was in a theatrical rendition of "Butcher Pete". He proceeded to fuck shit up all over the place, all the while taunting the security on board. Things turned when he murderbusted Beepsky and went after the officers with his shiny new baton, which earned him a faceful of taserbursts and a beatdown before detaining him. This is when he started trying to blame me for everything. Repeatedly. All the while, this nerd was distracting so many people. the Changelings took to this and used the opportunity to DNA sting the everloving hell outta everyone. With Shitty Bill's DNA. We wound up getting so pissed that we actually forgot the changelings, and focused everything on getting Wilkerson into the airless medbay to lop his limbs off before embarking on the shuttle. but did this predicament stop our intrepid sociopathic space hobo? oh hell no. this trooper continued annoying the piss outta every single escapee while pushing us around, before he slipped and threw himself off the shuttle. I waved him off, and a colleague quipped "Good Riddance!". Bless that psycho, for I have not been this amused by a game since I got a taste of the Phantom Pain. 
04-10-2016, 12:08 AM
Jim's miscreant task was to get as many people out for his blood as he could. It was huge success.
04-11-2016, 10:35 PM
This one happened quite some time ago in an older configuration of the station, but I just discovered the forums, and with it, the place to tell my tale.
I'm not sure if it's still there, but at some point a Russian Revolver was available often in the bar. I had prepared mightily for my first round as clown. I had seen many people run around, break things, and be annoying, and I wanted to try my best to be at the least entertaining and endearing. I step off the arrival shuttle, peel my banana and pocket the fruit, keeping the peel in my hand as I wander into the bar. I can see the chef doing battle with an escaped monkey after failing to stab him onto a meat hook. I can tell his plan is to slog through the bar area and into the hallway to escape, so I quickly type my prepared joke to the barman. Me: Hey barkeep, do you know why people love bananas so much? Barkeep: Why? With this, I toss my banana peel into the chef's path as he stumbles out of the kitchen. He slips and falls, giving the injured monkey time enough to catch up to him and continue beating him to death. Me: Because they have A PEEL. The bartender immediately screams, grabs the Russian Revolver, and blows his brains out. As I am a clown, I cannot get behind the bar to stop the monkey from beating the chef to death. And that is how I told a joke that managed to kill two people.
04-13-2016, 08:21 PM
You prime the grenade! 3 seconds!
The mixture quickly and violently erupts into bubbles! The solution violently bubbles! The solution spews out foam! You slip on the foam! You begin to recover. Phil Rye screams! Phil Rye touches the quirky thingy. The steel-reinforced glass window was hit by the portable reclaimer. You slip on the foam! You slip on the foam! Living grody bone charges at Cyborg Phi-76! Sollux Captor's skeleton charges at Phil Rye! The plating melts! the steel scrap melts. The plating melts! the steel sheet melts. The plating melts! Your Robusttec-Implant uses all of its remaining energy to save you and deactivates. You begin to recover. the backpack melts. Charlotte Onyx goes pale for a second. the quirky thingy melts. the steel sheet melts. Phil Rye gasps, "WWTTTFFF" Charlotte Onyx has been hit by Sollux Captor's skeleton. The plating melts! Gas Tank (Air Mix) melts. Charlotte Onyx has been hit by Sollux Captor's skeleton. the wrench melts. the steel scrap melts. George tuckers out and lies down! the wrench melts. George tires and lies down! Phil Rye gasps, "AARRRRE YYOUUU RREEETTAARR---NNNGGGGHH" The utility belt catches on fire! the emergency glowstick melts. the emergency glowstick melts. the crowbar melts. the utility belt melts. the wrench melts. The steel-reinforced glass window was hit by the portable reclaimer. The steel-reinforced glass window was hit by the mineral accumulator. The steel-reinforced glass window was hit by the portable reclaimer. The steel-reinforced glass window was hit by the mineral accumulator. the fire extinguisher melts. the utility belt melts. George tires and lies down! the emergency glowstick melts. the wrench melts. Chumbotron has been hit by the meteor shield generator. Chumbotron has been hit by Camryn Feliz. Chumbotron has been hit by Phil Rye. Chumbotron has been hit by Camryn Feliz. Charlotte Onyx has been hit by Sollux Captor's skeleton. Phil Rye shivers. The jetpack is now off Chumbotron has been hit by Camryn Feliz. The steel-reinforced glass window was hit by the portable reclaimer. The steel-reinforced glass window was hit by the mineral accumulator. Camryn Feliz [145.9] gasps, "EENNTTIIRRRREEEELLYY" Camryn Feliz gasps, "EENNTTIIRRRREEEELLYY" And that folks is how I managed to end a Vampire's horrible reign of terror! learning how to make hellfoam is fun. 
04-13-2016, 10:15 PM
yesterday i went berserk and decided to tear out the heart of Daniel Fortesque and eat it and them dump him into the reclaimer
next afterward Dick Ryder did not like this and he said mean things so I punched the ever living shit out of him and threw him into a vending machine which fell ontop of him. finally as he lay on the floor of genetics as i bash him over the head with the crowbar he tried killing me with, i threw him in the reclaimer. next my lust for blood took me to the hop's office where i pushed him down onto the couch and buckled him in and punched him to death. lamar rathborne was present but due to him wanting to steal my prize, he too was buckled into the chair and punched to death. i also assailed herb basil and rock withagun with my bare hands but i had sustained wounds due to the hop regaining consciousness and trying to beat me, too. it was all a wasted effort as i managed to overpower him. as he and lamar lay on the couch, herb basil and patrick kuby managed to best me both in combat. all was not lost however as i managed to consume lamar, herb, the hop and myself in a fiery explosion due to my macrobomb explding. regretfully both patrick and rock withagun survived but were both heavily wounded.
04-16-2016, 02:55 PM
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