I was a journalist recently. I did my standard schtick of following people around, asking questions. An inspector showed up and got killed I guess and a machoman appeared as retaliation.
I knew if I could snap a photo of him, it would make my career. I staked out the escape shuttle, then snapped a photo while he was busy turning the HoS into bloody mist. He then chased me around the shuttle while I shouted "What a scoop!"
Eventually he got me, and was spinning me around to toss me. I gave him a tip of the fedora as congratulations, but me exploding while he was still doing a move broke him.
Stunned the HOP, stripped him naked, put him in a dress, and took a bunch of photos while he screamed over the radio that I was murdering his soul. Later he tried to kick my ass but my bee got him.
McDogles Wrote:Oh god it's been three years since I posted here...
This is all that remains of a terrible clown car accident, involving around five people, and a man with an explosive implant. I was the driver of said machine.
Never forget
Was this by chance that round where there were 3 clowns taking turns driving? I think they all had microbombs.
MaximusRex ate everyone at escape, fended off a rude pod with lasers shooting dudes, and escaped alone on the shuttle as a blob.
Here he is seen conquering his new fiefdom: Centcomm
While randomly observing stuff, this popped up when I observed a flashbang box.
This is a flashbang box. WARNING: Do not use without reading these preautions! These devices are extremely dangerous and can cause blindness or deafness if used incorrectly.
The chemicals contained in these devices have been tuned for maximal effectiveness and due to
extreme safety precuaiotn shave been incased in a tamper-proof pack. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO OPEN
FLASH WARNING: Do not use continually. Excercise extreme care when detonating in closed spaces.
Make attemtps not to detonate withing range of 2 meters of the intended target. It is imperative
that the targets visit a medical professional after usage. Damage to eyes increases extremely per
use and according to range. Glasses with flash resistant filters DO NOT always work on high powered
flash devices such as this. EXERCISE CAUTION REGARDLESS OF CIRCUMSTANCES
SOUND WARNING: Do not use continually. Visit a medical professional if hearing is lost.
There is a slight chance per use of complete deafness. Exercise caution and restraint.
STUN WARNING: If the intended or unintended target is too close to detonation the resulting sound
and flash have been known to cause extreme sensory overload resulting in temporary
incapacitation. DO NOT USE CONTINUALLY
Operating Directions:
1. Pull detonnation pin. ONCE THE PIN IS PULLED THE GRENADE CAN NOT BE DISARMED!
2. Throw grenade. NEVER HOLD A LIVE FLASHBANG
3. The grenade will detonste 10 seconds hafter being primed.EXCERCISE CAUTION
-Never prime another grenade until after the first is detonated
Note: Usage of this pyrotechnic device without authorization is an extreme offense and can
result in severe punishment upwards of 10 years in prison per use.
Default 3 second wait till from prime to detonation. This can be switched with a screwdriver
to 10 seconds.
Copyright of Nanotrasen Industries- Military Armnaments Division
This device was created by Nanotrasen Labs a member of the Expert Advisor Corporation
It is a normal-sized item.
I latejoined into a round, and when I walk into the bar, this is the sight I see.
The arrivals area was filled with monkeys. The hallway between security and the bar was very crowded too. The arcade had quite a few, and I'm sure the crew quarters had some aswell.
Did I mention they were all filled with grog? And that they were all spinning?
I have no clue if the monkeys were spread over to the southern side of the station, and before I could investigate, CentCom decided to supply us with an impressive selection of weapons to combat the monkey menace.
This is the aftermath of the monkey slaughter.
According to the VOX, there were nearly 200 monkeys around the station
Good lord.
The saga of Franklin and luis-A shitty Anime story
This is the story of a little hos named Franklin Briner who finds out he has a long lost brother inside him who has the AMAZING power to see ghost. This brother was named Luis and he loved farting in Franklin's head and telling horrible puns
When Franklin thought he was going crazy due to the hullagination sting from Erza sauter/God.He went around asking everyone he could find if they heard the voice too but no one could. He started getting violent and drunk even though the voice begs him not Too. In the end Franklin decided to end it all with a fork and was about to stab himself when he lose control of his limbs which threw the fork away from him. He then heard the voice in his head again who forced him to promise not to hurt himself ever again.
As time went on he began to become friends with this voice in his head who called himself Luis Smith and told him that he was his long-lost seimes-twin. They became unstopable partners as they procceded to solve Mysterys and murder using Franklins Brain and luis's ablity to talk to ghost and tell Awesome puns.
This procceded for many years till one seemly normal day Franklin Brinerer made the mistake of eating Weird cheese. This caused a inbalance in the universe (and in the stomach of Franklin Brinerer because Luis happened to be lactose intolerant). Luis told Franklin Brinerer that unless one of them would have to fart on a bible or else the universe will fart and all would be destroyed. He then procceded to tear-fully share that he was not his brother but a clown that Franklin ate on his birthday.
Once luis Told franklin this....He....he.....farted on the bible whiched caused luis to gib in franklins body and caused a huge shockwave that caused nearby civilians to lose their ass's and color. With this self-less sacerfice Luis-smith managed to save the universe but also managed to make Franklin less whole. Franklin procceded to fall into the maddining sprial of depression and instanity till he finally finished what he started those many years ago.
He stabbed himself with a fork
THE END- Written by pizzatiger but based on true events with minor changes to make the story more intresting
I had a good round as security, despite being the only one in it at the start
highlights include
-arresting an assistant for driving a clown car, who later got back in after release
-having janitors clean up a crime scene before I could scan half the blood
-LOTS of ice spiders in the test chamber
-activating a thunderdome artifact in the viewing area, the admins calling in a black hole on it and I only got to safety by table-flipping a guy so I was right in front of the door and the artifact cutting out 0.2 seconds before it became ground zero.
-finally making it to the shuttle and touching a wish-granter artifact. It would be rude not to wish to die horribly when you find those
It was a late night with maybe 30 people. The clown had a clown car and scooped up around 9 people.
It just so happens that ALL of the antags were in that clown car.
One had a pipe bomb and armed it as we drove to the bar to get drinks. In came a clown car full of snapping, farting, screaming people. There was one guy sitting at a table.
Suddenly, the clown car exploded. Arms and legs flew everywhere.
Goonhub
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