Goonhub
01-20-2023, 08:05 AM
Resurrecting this thread to say that there was an additional point I wanted to make that I was struggling to put to words up until I was trying to explain it to someone in my PMs earlier this week.
Keep in mind that this is definitely a situation where I think the majority of the times I see it, it's being done unintentionally. I think it's easy to get a sort of tunnel vision for one particular conversation and unknowingly tune out everything else. Anyway, here it is:
Apologies for the wording, I didn't want to risk changing anything I was saying.
A solution I try to use is taking into account who's in the room or involved in the conversation, and explaining to make sure they know what's going on, or steering the conversation toward something more approachable like a job role, what the antags of the current round are up to, someone's passion project for the round, "hey let me teach you something new", "wow that chef we have sure is cooking some weird shit", etc. There's a lot of topics to talk about or things to do that aren't dependent on knowing character-specific lore.
I also see a lot of strength in simply saying things like "Not now, Joe Newguy wasn't finished talking", just like I (hope you) would in real life if you noticed someone was being ignored or forgotten about.
TL;DR: I think the explanation of "I wouldn't have told you to go away, you should just work harder at being included" is dismissive of the issue. I feel that talking about public things in public spaces and private things in private spaces would be a better response.
Keep in mind that this is definitely a situation where I think the majority of the times I see it, it's being done unintentionally. I think it's easy to get a sort of tunnel vision for one particular conversation and unknowingly tune out everything else. Anyway, here it is:
Quote:I think there's this false idea that as long as you're not actively telling people to go away, its impossible for you to be excluding people.
But it gets so painful when I'm actively trying to say "hey, literally everyone on station: I am inviting you to this thing" and then watch it turn into another round of a few people being deeply into Character Lore™️ or some conversation dominating IC relationship or any other You Just Had To Be There To Get It type beat while everyone else just waits for them to finish so we can move on.
I used to be so proud of myself for not telling people who I play and going out of my way to not find out who other people play, but I got lonely so I stopped trying. The problem isn't really getting told to go away, (afaik it was on 2 but thats different from 4) its just feeling like a person of higher priority walked into the room so I get like.. downgraded out or something
(sorry for being kinda ranty. this has been brewing in my head for a while and I was really fighting to say it politely on the forums)
I deleted my sec character after someone said on the discord that I played her. She used to get ignored but suddenly everyone paid attention to her and seeing the difference was making me a little paranoid because it felt like people like my name but not me.
Apologies for the wording, I didn't want to risk changing anything I was saying.
A solution I try to use is taking into account who's in the room or involved in the conversation, and explaining to make sure they know what's going on, or steering the conversation toward something more approachable like a job role, what the antags of the current round are up to, someone's passion project for the round, "hey let me teach you something new", "wow that chef we have sure is cooking some weird shit", etc. There's a lot of topics to talk about or things to do that aren't dependent on knowing character-specific lore.
I also see a lot of strength in simply saying things like "Not now, Joe Newguy wasn't finished talking", just like I (hope you) would in real life if you noticed someone was being ignored or forgotten about.
TL;DR: I think the explanation of "I wouldn't have told you to go away, you should just work harder at being included" is dismissive of the issue. I feel that talking about public things in public spaces and private things in private spaces would be a better response.