Best moments ever thread 2.0

[Saxophone Jones]

I was a late-joining Staff Assistant. I faffed about until ending up in the brig, surprisingly not with my hands cuffed and being stuffed into a disposals chute.

I found some stuff on the floor, among the pile was an ID belonging to THE LAW. So of course, I took the ID, thinking it was a regular sec ID with a fancy title. It had sec access alright, so I geared up just in case I had to self-defensively kick some ass if the merciful changeling ever broke his promise to not kill me if I kept his identity a secret.

After faffing about some more and getting accused of being a ling, I found out that the ID had Medical access. And Engineering access. And, surprisingly, Bridge access. And the AI just happened to be rogue. Unfortunately, I didn't think before revealing that I was going to call the shuttle, so the AI quickly turned off all power in the Bridge, forcing me to go through a disposal pipe that happened to be cut off at Sec.

At this point, the AI decided to call the shuttle, and one of the borgs was emagged and heading my way to brutally pour deadly chemicals on me, so I grabbed my flash and got ready for the most intense battle to not get dragged over glass after being knocked down by mysterious chemicals.

Code:

DonkCo Syndicate AI #1 [145.9] states, "Yep. I am completely reset and not suspicious at all."
Cyborg Tau-64 [145.9] states, "i have been e-magged"
DonkCo Syndicate AI #1 [145.9] states, "Oh no."
Cyborg Tau-64 [145.9] states, "you are all going to die"
Kayden Bould [145.9] gasps, "I've been out of the loop because of some life and death situations near hydrophobics,what happened"
Charles Manning [145.9] says, "AI probably got told by a traitor to call it. And now I'm deaf."
DonkCo Syndicate AI #1 [145.9] states, "Gizmo Aurel has arrived as Staff Assistant. Try not to get killed immediately. Although if you do get killed, tell me first so I can watch."
Tyrone Saxophone Jones [145.9] says, "Thanks for the anouncement, borg. My flash is at the ready."

*At this point, the borg enters the room and I only just manage to flash him before his chemical explodes, knocking me down and making me deaf.*

The mixture begins to bubble furiously!
BANG
Your ears start to ring!
Tyrone Saxophone Jones (as Jayne Dawkins) blinds Cyborg Tau-64 with the flash!
Tyrone Saxophone Jones (as Jayne Dawkins) gives Cyborg Tau-64 the double deuce!
Cyborg Tau-64 is trying to put Syringe on Tyrone Saxophone Jones (as Jayne Dawkins)
Cyborg Tau-64 is trying to put Syringe on Tyrone Saxophone Jones (as Jayne Dawkins)
You begin to recover.

*At this point, I let a grey shirt, Gizmo Aurel, inside to see if he can help me out. Assumedly the borg was unable to inject me with deadly chemicals, or drag me across glass after removing my shoes.*

The mixture begins to bubble furiously!
BANG
Your ears start to ring badly!
You begin to recover.

*At this point, I manage to flash the borg and try to keep him stunned while bashing him with a baton*

Tyrone Saxophone Jones (as Jayne Dawkins) blinds Cyborg Tau-64 with the flash!
The baton is now off.
Cyborg Tau-64 has been beaten with the stun baton by Tyrone Saxophone Jones (as Jayne Dawkins)!
Tyrone Saxophone Jones (as Jayne Dawkins) blinds Cyborg Tau-64 with the flash!
Cyborg Tau-64 has been beaten with the stun baton by Tyrone Saxophone Jones (as Jayne Dawkins)!

*This repeats for a bit, after a failed attempt to unlock it's interface. I notice that this is not a very effective strategy, and remember my mystery access ID, and unsurprisingly, it has robotics access. Good thing it did, too, since my flash burnt out after unlocking the borg's interface.*

Tyrone Saxophone Jones (as Jayne Dawkins) blinds Cyborg Tau-64 with the flash!
You unlock Cyborg Tau-64's interface.
Tyrone Saxophone Jones (as Jayne Dawkins) blinds Cyborg Tau-64 with the flash!
The bulb has burnt out!
The bulb has been burnt out!
The head compartment has been opened.
Gizmo Aurel hits Cyborg Tau-64's chest with the mechanical toolbox!
Gizmo Aurel hits Cyborg Tau-64's chest with the mechanical toolbox!
Tyrone Saxophone Jones (as Jayne Dawkins) removes Cyborg Tau-64's brain!
Gizmo Aurel hits Cyborg Tau-64's chest with the mechanical toolbox!

*Gizmo, the grey shirt, continues to bash the already brainless borg with a mechanical toolbox, and I attempt to disassemble the wall after the AI bolted us in, only to find a fake wall.*

You have added Damian Garneys's brain to the backpack.
You will now weld when you attack.
You push the wall but nothing happens!
The wall slides open!
Not welding anymore.

After this, I ran to arrivals and pulled an unconscious Kayden Bould to escape where he wouldn't burn to death, having the fortune for the AI to not have retracted the airbridge and cut off my escape. I start telling the AI that I blame it for my permanent deafness just as my deafness subsides, and then I start making brain removal and other puns related to how I defeated a borg in one-on-one combat.

Code:

Tyrone Saxophone Jones [145.9] exclaims, "I SURE BEAT THE SMARTS OUT OF THAT BORG!"

Tyrone Saxophone Jones [145.9] exclaims, "Guess that borg was too... EMPTY HEADED!"

Tyrone Saxophone Jones [145.9] exclaims, "There are four laws. Law four is "TYRONE BEATS ALL BORGS!" YEAH!"

Tyrone Saxophone Jones [145.9] exclaims, "I AM THE KING OF BORG-FIGHTING!"

Tyrone Saxophone Jones [145.9] exclaims, "That borg sure was... SCREWED!"

Tyrone Saxophone Jones [145.9] exclaims, "My identity sure had HIGHER ACCESS than that borg!"

That was the first time I had ever fought a borg and won. Actually, the first time I've fought anyone and won. Usually if I have the upper hand, I either get too nervous thinking "Wait, what if this guy isn't an antag? What if he's just a huge dick and I shouldn't kill him?" and then my face is covered in acid.