Goonhub
03-17-2017, 06:43 AM
(This post was last modified: 03-17-2017, 06:45 AM by atamusvaleo. Edited 1 time in total.)
I joined for a quick round as a Vice President last night. I had just stepped off of the arrivals shuttle when I overheard someone saying we should blow up Jay Wolff. A few crew members scrambled past me, one of them being Jay himself and I followed from a distance. The doors leading to the security/bridge foyer had just closed before me when the station shook from an explosion. Gibs and PDAs flew around the room.
I let the crew know of the tragedy that just transpired and proceeded to customs where the HoP, Harold was lying dead as well. The horror. I stole his id as Sailor Dave walked in the room. After a brief scuffle I ended up with Dave's ID and Harold's. More scuffling, and Dave had my ID. I changed his ID's access to clown and his job title to "Poo" and tossed it back his way: letting him know what I thought of his role on this station.
We parted ways and at this point, I got a text irl from my wife asking if I could run to the market and grab some groceries for dinner.
"I'm going to kill myself," I announced to the crew, slurring all the while thanks to my drunkard trait.
"No, Stan!" Rain cried out.
"I have to go to the margeff!" "MARGEFF!" "GROSHERYY SFORRE"
"Market," the AI kindly translated to the benefit of the crew and my sanity.
Just then, an announcement rang out.
Red Alert: A canister bomb has been activated in Medbay amd will explode in 90 seconds.
I rushed to medbay, hoping whoever attempted to disarmed the canister bomb would fail and I could be on the receiving end of an explosive enema.
Who should show up but my dear friend, Dave the Sailor, who promptly disabled the bomb successfully to my dismay. What a poo.
Fine. Time to do this the old fashioned way. Scalpel in hand, I slashed my throat. I laughed as my snazzy suit soaked in the blood to the horror of onlookers. Sov Extant and a two other doctors were there amd weren't ready to let me leave this world just yet. They promptly slapped some styptic patches over the wound and did all they could to keep me alive. I repeatedly attempted suicide: stabbing myself repeatedly, holding my breath when they put a straight jacket on me. They stuffed me in a sleeper and debated over how to keep me from harming myself. I took the opportunity to leap from the sleeper and dask to the disposal chute.
"Get out of there!" Sov exclaimed. "No," I replied.
The next moment a flush of the chute and I was whisked off to disposals with Sov giving pursuit as my body clanged along the pipe walls.
I ordered the AI to open the crusher but it refused to aid in my death. Sov quickly arrived saying he was intent on saving my life.
I conceded and nodded sullenly. Sov pointed to a switch on the wall, thinking aloud, "surely this switch will reverse the belts." I nodded enthusiatically and awaited his action.
Just then a moment of euphoria overtook me and I found the will to live.
"I WANT TO LIVE!" I screamed too late as the crusher doors opened and my body slid under the plastic flaps.
My body was instantly ground to an unrecognizable pulp as Sov screamed in terror.
"He tricked me!" I heard whisperes of his voice from the great byond.
And then I went to the margeff.
I let the crew know of the tragedy that just transpired and proceeded to customs where the HoP, Harold was lying dead as well. The horror. I stole his id as Sailor Dave walked in the room. After a brief scuffle I ended up with Dave's ID and Harold's. More scuffling, and Dave had my ID. I changed his ID's access to clown and his job title to "Poo" and tossed it back his way: letting him know what I thought of his role on this station.
We parted ways and at this point, I got a text irl from my wife asking if I could run to the market and grab some groceries for dinner.
"I'm going to kill myself," I announced to the crew, slurring all the while thanks to my drunkard trait.
"No, Stan!" Rain cried out.
"I have to go to the margeff!" "MARGEFF!" "GROSHERYY SFORRE"
"Market," the AI kindly translated to the benefit of the crew and my sanity.
Just then, an announcement rang out.
Red Alert: A canister bomb has been activated in Medbay amd will explode in 90 seconds.
I rushed to medbay, hoping whoever attempted to disarmed the canister bomb would fail and I could be on the receiving end of an explosive enema.
Who should show up but my dear friend, Dave the Sailor, who promptly disabled the bomb successfully to my dismay. What a poo.
Fine. Time to do this the old fashioned way. Scalpel in hand, I slashed my throat. I laughed as my snazzy suit soaked in the blood to the horror of onlookers. Sov Extant and a two other doctors were there amd weren't ready to let me leave this world just yet. They promptly slapped some styptic patches over the wound and did all they could to keep me alive. I repeatedly attempted suicide: stabbing myself repeatedly, holding my breath when they put a straight jacket on me. They stuffed me in a sleeper and debated over how to keep me from harming myself. I took the opportunity to leap from the sleeper and dask to the disposal chute.
"Get out of there!" Sov exclaimed. "No," I replied.
The next moment a flush of the chute and I was whisked off to disposals with Sov giving pursuit as my body clanged along the pipe walls.
I ordered the AI to open the crusher but it refused to aid in my death. Sov quickly arrived saying he was intent on saving my life.
I conceded and nodded sullenly. Sov pointed to a switch on the wall, thinking aloud, "surely this switch will reverse the belts." I nodded enthusiatically and awaited his action.
Just then a moment of euphoria overtook me and I found the will to live.
"I WANT TO LIVE!" I screamed too late as the crusher doors opened and my body slid under the plastic flaps.
My body was instantly ground to an unrecognizable pulp as Sov screamed in terror.
"He tricked me!" I heard whisperes of his voice from the great byond.
And then I went to the margeff.