An analysis of the biggest problem with goonstation: apathy

[Noah Buttes]

things about buffing sec and other things complaining about the station being too big to respond quickly

Make police segways distinct from civilian segways by making them somewhat faster and by giving them some kind of implant based ignition interlock. I say implant based rather than ID based because IDs are too easily stolen or given out to really restrict access.


Additionally, give them a high-stability mode that, in exchange for slowing the segway down to just slightly above its current speed, would make the segway stable enough for the rider to be able to fire his weapon and to avoid crashing into things.

In my vision, the "hot pursuit" speed would be either equal to or somewhat above normal sprinting speed, while the high stability speed should be slightly above normal running speed.

If you want to take it even further, you can have the ramming capability be a separate toggle from the speed setting. 

If we want to make full-blown patrol cars segways, add built-in dashcams, rechargers, ticket machines, gps units, police radios/tickers, and loudspeakers. The ticker might accept both sec radio traffic and sec department PDA messages.

As we enter the realm of absurdity, we can consider something like a shitty fold-out plastic seat for perps to be buckled into for transport back to HQ. We might also consider an automated combination handcuff fabricator and donut dispenser.

For full on keystone cops level shenanigans, let segways traverse the chutes between the various security checkpoints and let the riders joust with each other using spears and stun batons.

Ideally, police segways would provide an interesting vehicular dynamic that no other department currently has while also addressing several key issues with security, namely lack of mobility and lack of FUN.

I can totally see a full squad of segway cops engaged in a high-speed pursuit with a methed up staff assistant running for his life from the untiring wheels of the LAW