Goonhub
12-06-2016, 09:59 AM
THE TALE OF ASS DISTRACTION, THE EXPLOSIVELY INSANE BOMBER
It was a lovely day at Space Station 13,
When it was visited by the craziest man the Syndicate has seen.
Armed with an initiative to go out with a bang
and a reply to his orders with a picture of his wang.
This miner, broken from constant mining of ore
Had been reduced to the brain of a boar
His objectives, entirely his own
and destruction he wanted, this station will woe.
He mingled in, and did some tasks when asked
while planning his actions, to be enacted steadfast.
Taking a charge hacker, and a dozen charges all stacked,
He stealthily blasted storages of plasma gas.
But to his dismay, the crew barely noticed,
they were to busy with other crew motives!
So knowing that here he would die,
decided to give a show, and an explosive dive!
So he implanted bombs in his brain,
four tiny bombs, the payload a pain.
The Escape Hallway was blasted to tatters
and he carried a box emitting some clatters.
Grenades were flung, in the tiny escape shuttle,
spewing fire, shocks, flashes and smoke.
And the finally, his body would shatter,
as the gravity bomb would make the crew splatter!
But, alas, after the final 'nade,
he and the crew, still standing, amazed.
Ass Distraction was on center stage,
His mind blanked, still quite dazed.
A thought came to Distraction then
He thought, "I am burning, and in pain.
I must live up to this moniker and when,
the reports make public, I'll be NT's Bane!"
So upon a chair he stood up on high,
his legs almost buckled, and fire on his thigh,
Do you know how he spent the last seconds of life?
If not, I shall tell you, in five seconds time.
Screaming "ARGLENARGLEBARGLE", and tweaking his nipples,
He danced a merry jig, his blood a boiling trickle.
His vision went blurry, and he slumped in his chair,
as his final explosion blasted off his hair.
It was a lovely day at Space Station 13,
When it was visited by the craziest man the Syndicate has seen.
Armed with an initiative to go out with a bang
and a reply to his orders with a picture of his wang.
This miner, broken from constant mining of ore
Had been reduced to the brain of a boar
His objectives, entirely his own
and destruction he wanted, this station will woe.
He mingled in, and did some tasks when asked
while planning his actions, to be enacted steadfast.
Taking a charge hacker, and a dozen charges all stacked,
He stealthily blasted storages of plasma gas.
But to his dismay, the crew barely noticed,
they were to busy with other crew motives!
So knowing that here he would die,
decided to give a show, and an explosive dive!
So he implanted bombs in his brain,
four tiny bombs, the payload a pain.
The Escape Hallway was blasted to tatters
and he carried a box emitting some clatters.
Grenades were flung, in the tiny escape shuttle,
spewing fire, shocks, flashes and smoke.
And the finally, his body would shatter,
as the gravity bomb would make the crew splatter!
But, alas, after the final 'nade,
he and the crew, still standing, amazed.
Ass Distraction was on center stage,
His mind blanked, still quite dazed.
A thought came to Distraction then
He thought, "I am burning, and in pain.
I must live up to this moniker and when,
the reports make public, I'll be NT's Bane!"
So upon a chair he stood up on high,
his legs almost buckled, and fire on his thigh,
Do you know how he spent the last seconds of life?
If not, I shall tell you, in five seconds time.
Screaming "ARGLENARGLEBARGLE", and tweaking his nipples,
He danced a merry jig, his blood a boiling trickle.
His vision went blurry, and he slumped in his chair,
as his final explosion blasted off his hair.