Best moments ever thread 2.0

[Noah Buttes]

I got a contract yesterday that said "you are not an antagonist but have all the powers of one", I began mutating rapidly, died, and was resurrected as a still-mutating glowing pure-white fat blob man. I continued to die and resurrect until I finally suicided.

What the hell contract was that

The one that turns you into an immortal genetic demigod.

You got very lucky/unlucky.