Goonhub
08-22-2016, 02:39 PM
As posted on SA:
Man, running a radio station really does get you some good stories.
I wandered over to the radio station for the first time to make sure I knew where it was and how it worked, and also because I had nothing else to do and was the Captain. I announced to the crew that they were listening to the Spigot the Bear show, and I would shoot myself repeatedly with my egun if anyone called me fat. The wizard immediately appeared in his wizard putt to tell me I was not fat and should not shoot myself, and I invited him in for interview as thanks for his courtesy.
After making our introductions and setting the poor one-legged fellow at his ease, I asked him about his experience on Space Station 13 so far, and we were joined by the Head of Personnel, who kindly brought smokes. We all had a good time shooting the shit about embezzling the crew, being driven to drink and crime by the crew, fleeing the crew and surviving assassination attempts by the crew, when we were joined by another two guests! As I introduced them, however, I realised that they might have arrived to cause some trouble in the fair radio station, as one was a Security Officer and the other was the Chaplain.
The wizard fled, naturally, and the brave Officer Dotty Spud stuck around to answer a few questions about her relentless pursuit of the magical felon before taking off on the chase once more, and also refusing to answer any more questions because I called her Spotty Dud. The Chaplain stuck around to explain his own motives - redemption for burning down his chapel in a terrible moment of madness involving a duck, a welder and a bottle of bourbon. The wizard returned to join us, making an uneasy peace with the Chaplain. I used the chapel-burning story to segue into culture hour, comparing his crime to that depicted in The Temple of the Golden Pavilion by Yukio Mishima, but was soundly ignored. We were roundly joined by a Staff Assistant, who I introduced as our weather correspondent.
At this point, our show had really hit primetime, and yet more visitors came along to join us. The Chaplain announced that it was happening again and started a fire, engulfing mostly himself, and Tumany Cooks arrived, calling himself the horrible mess-bringer and farting out a giant cloud of cheese, weird cheese, ectoplasm, green vomit and blood. A monkey in a dress arrived and stared at me intensely for far too long (the monkey may have been a robot). Insane Bolt ran in, screamed, impaled someone's head on a spike and ran away again. Dotty Spud returned for a rematch with the wizard, catching a new arrival in the crossfire and promptly leaving again. Tumany Cooks began to die of an unknown ailment, and my client crashed while I desperately tried to keep up terrible wordplay and narration to the listeners back home. The wizard accidentally summoned an ectoplasm-golem while trying to heal Mr Cooks, then fed me a pepperoni log - where it came from and why this happened, well, perhaps we'll never know.
Then someone pipe bombed us. Opening a portal to medbay, I promised that we'd pick up next time after the cliffhanger ending of this week's episode, and that the identity of the mad bomber would be revealed.
A good radio show.
![[Image: BPNji85.png]](http://i.imgur.com/BPNji85.png)
Man, running a radio station really does get you some good stories.
I wandered over to the radio station for the first time to make sure I knew where it was and how it worked, and also because I had nothing else to do and was the Captain. I announced to the crew that they were listening to the Spigot the Bear show, and I would shoot myself repeatedly with my egun if anyone called me fat. The wizard immediately appeared in his wizard putt to tell me I was not fat and should not shoot myself, and I invited him in for interview as thanks for his courtesy.
After making our introductions and setting the poor one-legged fellow at his ease, I asked him about his experience on Space Station 13 so far, and we were joined by the Head of Personnel, who kindly brought smokes. We all had a good time shooting the shit about embezzling the crew, being driven to drink and crime by the crew, fleeing the crew and surviving assassination attempts by the crew, when we were joined by another two guests! As I introduced them, however, I realised that they might have arrived to cause some trouble in the fair radio station, as one was a Security Officer and the other was the Chaplain.
The wizard fled, naturally, and the brave Officer Dotty Spud stuck around to answer a few questions about her relentless pursuit of the magical felon before taking off on the chase once more, and also refusing to answer any more questions because I called her Spotty Dud. The Chaplain stuck around to explain his own motives - redemption for burning down his chapel in a terrible moment of madness involving a duck, a welder and a bottle of bourbon. The wizard returned to join us, making an uneasy peace with the Chaplain. I used the chapel-burning story to segue into culture hour, comparing his crime to that depicted in The Temple of the Golden Pavilion by Yukio Mishima, but was soundly ignored. We were roundly joined by a Staff Assistant, who I introduced as our weather correspondent.
At this point, our show had really hit primetime, and yet more visitors came along to join us. The Chaplain announced that it was happening again and started a fire, engulfing mostly himself, and Tumany Cooks arrived, calling himself the horrible mess-bringer and farting out a giant cloud of cheese, weird cheese, ectoplasm, green vomit and blood. A monkey in a dress arrived and stared at me intensely for far too long (the monkey may have been a robot). Insane Bolt ran in, screamed, impaled someone's head on a spike and ran away again. Dotty Spud returned for a rematch with the wizard, catching a new arrival in the crossfire and promptly leaving again. Tumany Cooks began to die of an unknown ailment, and my client crashed while I desperately tried to keep up terrible wordplay and narration to the listeners back home. The wizard accidentally summoned an ectoplasm-golem while trying to heal Mr Cooks, then fed me a pepperoni log - where it came from and why this happened, well, perhaps we'll never know.
Then someone pipe bombed us. Opening a portal to medbay, I promised that we'd pick up next time after the cliffhanger ending of this week's episode, and that the identity of the mad bomber would be revealed.
A good radio show.