Best moments ever thread 2.0

[Cogwerks]

oh uh this is some mischief i got up to as Warden Thuglyfe on one of the Serious Roleplaying servers a few months ago, someone wanted me to crosspost it here.


THE RAPPER feat. G-WELLS

Arrivals Announcement Computer [145.9] states, ""Clovis P. Thuglife, Warden, has arrived on the station.""
You are the Warden.
As the Warden you answer directly to the head of security. Special circumstances may change this.

Bradley Pringle [145.9] says, " what an interesting Name Mr Thuglife"
Clovis P. Thuglife [145.9] says, "It's French."
You put the the box of crayons into the security backpack.

Onwards to the Solitary Confinement area, where a ruckus is happening...

Gunner Wells has attempted to punch Gunner Wells!
Shizune Hakamichi says, "Right. Commander, if you don't mind, I don't think these prisoners need my attention."
Gunner Wells has punched Gunner Wells!
Clovis P. Thuglife says, "Who is this jerk"
Medical Cyborg-612 states, "Stop injuring yourself And I will stop coming in here"
Gunner Wells finishes eating the chips.
Gunner Wells says, "I keep dropping my chips"
Gunner Wells has thrown Chips.
Clovis P. Thuglife says, "Tsk tsk."
Clovis P. Thuglife asks, "What did you do?"
Gunner Wells waves
Clovis P. Thuglife says, "Life of crime or something?"
Gunner Wells says, "I had a hobby"
Clovis P. Thuglife asks, "Want a new hobby?"
Gunner Wells asks, "What would that be?"
Clovis P. Thuglife says, "I suggest art. Art is good for soothing the soul."
Clovis P. Thuglife has thrown the box of crayons.

(HOS) Byrne McCready says, "Gunner, stop harrassing my security."
Clovis P. Thuglife says, "He's not."
Gunner Wells waves
Clovis P. Thuglife says, "I'm conducting prison art classes."
Gunner Wells says, "Sup pig"
Clovis P. Thuglife says, "Yes, a pig is a good subject to draw."
Clovis P. Thuglife exclaims, "Remember to push the composition!"

Gunner Wells asks, "Is that daniel guy Really a cop?"
Clovis P. Thuglife says, "Daniel? I don't know who that is."
Clovis P. Thuglife says, "Sounds like a jerk."
Gunner Wells says, "I wrote a song about them earlier"
Gunner Wells says, "Daniel Cox, covered in pocks, marshmellow shooter, ain't got a cooter"
Clovis P. Thuglife says, "Damn dude. Lemme fetch a tape recorder, you can work on your music career from prison. Gets you mad street cred."
Gunner Wells says, "Rad."
Clovis P. Thuglife salutes.

Clovis P. Thuglife says, "Yo boss"
Byrne McCready asks, "Yeah?"
Clovis P. Thuglife says, "Can I have the tape recorder from your office?"
Byrne McCready asks, "Whatever for?"
Clovis P. Thuglife says, "The prisoner is working on his music career."
Byrne McCready says, "No."
Clovis P. Thuglife says, "Jail LPs sell like hotcakes, mad street cred."
Byrne McCready says, "I'm going to pretend I didn't just hear that."

Luckily the library has a recorder sitting around.

Clovis P. Thuglife has thrown the universal recorder.
Clovis P. Thuglife says, "All yours."
Gunner Wells says, "Swag yo"
Clovis P. Thuglife says, "Good luck with your recording work."
Clovis P. Thuglife salutes.
Gunner Wells waves
Clovis P. Thuglife says, "I'll check in later. Gonna go set up some press about your new E.P."
Gunner Wells says, "Nice"

Byrne McCready [Security] says, "Warden, you have made a mockery of my prison."

Maggie Priebe says, "Hello, mister Thuglife."
Maggie Priebe salutes formally.
Sienna Carlotta nods affably.

newscaster beeps, "Breaking news from Thuglife Records, Inc.!"

BACK IN THE BRIG, WE SEE THE RESULTS OF THE ART CLASS AND THE FIRST RAP.



Gunner Wells says, "Arrest boners up in this hizzle"
Gunner Wells says, "I say pigs just need to chizzle"
Clovis P. Thuglife nods.
Gunner Wells says, "Nobody know the shit that happen, just go by one guy whos chappen"
Gunner Wells waves
Clovis P. Thuglife has thrown the newspaper.
Gunner Wells asks, "Redacted?"
Clovis P. Thuglife says, "What is"
Gunner Wells has thrown the newspaper.
Gunner Wells says, "I think somebody out there really don't want me to have a rap career"
Clovis P. Thuglife says, "How in the hell does a printed paper get redacted AFTER being printed"
After some fiddling, Gunner Wells manages to light their cigarette with the cheap lighter.
Gunner Wells quietly shuts off the the cheap lighter.
Clovis P. Thuglife says, "This is an outrage."
Gunner Wells says, "Well, I got two singles and mister ducky by my side"
Clovis P. Thuglife asks, "How's the record coming along?"
Gunner Wells says, "I just printed out the manuscripts"
Gunner Wells says, "Gotta clean it up for a good version"



Clovis P. Thuglife says, "Good god man, a rap about ganache"
Clovis P. Thuglife says, "This is some heavy stuff."
Clovis P. Thuglife says, "The people gotta hear your art."
(CAPTAIN) Anton Forellie asks, "What the hell happened here?"
Clovis P. Thuglife says, "Captain, quiet please. Recording session in progress."
Gunner Wells waves
Clovis P. Thuglife says, "I'll be back. Keep up the good work. Don't let THE MAN stand in the way of your dreams."

Clovis P. Thuglife asks, "HoS, did you redact my newsfeed?"
Byrne McCready says, "I did not think of it."
Byrne McCready says, "But I should have"

newscaster beeps, "Breaking news from Thuglife Records, Inc.!"
Sienna Carlotta [145.9] asks, "Is Wells' rap as terrible as his door hacking?"





Rayleigh Tireman [145.9] says, " I wish to preform a funeral for the crewman smoke carter. I can do this over the comms if we are unable to leave our stations."
Rayleigh Tireman [145.9] asks, " are there any others that wish to attened?"

Gunner Wells says, "I heard my homey smokes having a funeral"
Byrne McCready says, "Yup"
Gunner Wells asks, "Any chance I'd be able to attend and pay my respects?"
Byrne McCready says, "Absolutely not."
Byrne McCready says, "Back against the wall please."
Gunner Wells says, "Have a heart"
Byrne McCready is trying to put some handcuffs on Gunner Wells
Gunner Wells says, "That seemed unnecessary"
Clovis P. Thuglife asks, "What's going on?"
Byrne McCready says, "He will pay his respects and leave."

IN THE CHAPEL, WE ARRIVE FOR THE FUNERAL OF SMOKES CARTER

Byrne McCready says, "Captain, I am taking the prisoner to pay his respects."
Clovis P. Thuglife says, "Heads up, MC G-Wells in the house."
Gunner Wells tries to spit out the cigarette but it gets stuck in his beard
Byrne McCready says, "I will taze you, show some respect."
Clovis P. Thuglife says, "Who's the stiff?"
Maye Day says, "Show some respect, Clovis."
Rayleigh Tireman says, "We are here for Smoke Carter. sir."
Clovis P. Thuglife says, "Ah, Big Smoke. Cut down in his prime."
Byrne McCready says, "I give you one last chance, Warden. We will demote you so fast."
Jessica Wile whispers something.
Byrne McCready says, "Please continue Priest."
Clovis P. Thuglife yawns.
Rayleigh Tireman asks, "Right, at this time I ask if there are any among us who have anything they wish to say ?"
Clovis P. Thuglife waves.
Clovis P. Thuglife says, "I have a statement prepared."
Rayleigh Tireman says, "As this is the appropriat time to speak you may do so freely."
Byrne McCready whispers, "If you disrepect him in anyway."

Clovis P. Thuglife says, "Life. Life is short."
Clovis P. Thuglife says, "Our friend Big Smoke learned this too soon."
Clovis P. Thuglife says, "And lo, though he walked in the shadow of the valley of death, he forgot his flashlight and lost his way."
Clovis P. Thuglife says, "He died as he lived - like a straight up busta."
Clovis P. Thuglife nods.
Maggie Priebe says, "Amen."
Maye Day pinches the bridge of her nose.
Rayleigh Tireman says, "Wel... right."
Jessica Wile stares forward in shock

Gunner Wells says, "I also have something as well"
Gunner Wells says, "If I'd be allowed to approach"
Rayleigh Tireman says, "Then speak freely. I ask you speak from there or have an officer accompany you."
Byrne McCready whispers, "d**'* m*k* *e *i****ce ***s"
Gunner Wells says, "Smoke, was an interesting guy, and sometimes he didnt always make the right decisions"
Gunner Wells says, "But he always had the best intentions, usually"
Gunner Wells says, "And I don't think I'd be the man I am today without him"
Gunner Wells says, "Smoke, I'll miss you man"
Gunner Wells cries

Rayleigh Tireman says, "Then. as we have all ready pushed the time allowed at a furneral as directed by NT standards. I will prepair him for ejection into space and offer a prayer."
Clovis P. Thuglife says, "There goes a busta."
Gunner Wells says, "Smoke in the space wind"
Rayleigh Tireman says, "Grand Sandman. though in life this man has not accepted you, I ask that as he wanders in you realm...."
Rayleigh Tireman says, "You guide him and protect him from corruption so he may find you glory and rest in eternal bliss within the lucid realm."
Rayleigh Tireman says, "We sleep in your name."

THE COFFIN IS LAUNCHED TO SPACE

Gunner Wells says, "Goodbye smoke"
Clovis P. Thuglife says, "As is the custom of my people, I must now express my grief through the poetry of gunfire. Please do not be alarmed."
Clovis P. Thuglife cries.
You fire the taser gun!
You fire the taser gun!
You fire the taser gun!
You fire the taser gun!
You fire the taser gun!
*click* I empty the clip into a nearby wall.
Jessica Wile says, "What th--"
Bradley Pringle says, "Really."
Maye Day asks, "Sir?"
Clovis P. Thuglife says, "Thanks, I needed that."
Maye Day asks, "Permission to beat the everliving crap out of him?"
Anton Forellie says, "Granted"
Gunner Wells says, "Smokes would have wanted him to do that"
Clovis P. Thuglife says, "Hey, don't be intolerant."
Byrne McCready draws the energy gun, pointing it at the ground.
Clovis P. Thuglife stares.
Clovis P. Thuglife says, "What are you doing"
Byrne McCready says, "Do me proud Maye."
Byrne McCready points to Clovis P. Thuglife
Maye Day says, "Oh, aye sir." A WEAPON IS DRAWN ON ME
Maye Day says, "C'mere you"
Clovis P. Thuglife says, "Stop this."
You fire the taser gun!
Maye Day is hit by the electrode in the chest!
Byrne McCready fires the energy gun!
Clovis P. Thuglife is hit by the electrode in the chest!
Byrne McCready fires the energy gun!
Clovis P. Thuglife is hit by the electrode in the chest!
Byrne McCready fires the energy gun!
Clovis P. Thuglife is hit by the electrode in the chest!
Byrne McCready fires the energy gun!
Clovis P. Thuglife is hit by the electrode in the chest!

And thus began twenty minutes of getting beaten and peppersprayed until a meteor slammed into the brig and I died.


The traitors were:
Nernums was Gunner Wells (survived)
Objective #1: Steal an RCD. Fail.
Objective #2: Escape on the shuttle or an escape pod alive. Fail.
The traitor has failed!


OOC: Nernums: I am the best rapper
OOC: Thejesster14: Gunner Wells, right before the meteors hit, I read your transcripts and died laughing.
OOC: Nernums: I thank you for all the stuff you did Cogwerks, made being arrested for 75% of the round not so bad, infact, very good.