Slingshots!

[BruiseCruise]

Maybe with some modification, we could make something like this:
Spoiler!

ULTIMATE CO-OP WEAPON: HUMAN SLINGSHOT

Step 1. Equip Assistant with Boxing Gloves, Fire Extinguisher, or other appropriate tool
Step 2. Load Assistant into Slingshot
Step 3. Acquire target (HoS, Captain, Clown)
Step 4. Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war

Maybe have the 'pad' work like a player-triggered Gravitron Accelerator? Fasten two posts to the floor with a screwdriver or wrench, stretch the band, and place the person/object in the pad.