Best moments ever thread 2.0

[APARTHEID]

I found a turban in my backpack. I took a waistcoat from my closet and became a VERY BAD ENGLISH MYSTIC. Giving fortunes with a mix of tarot cards, playing cards, and limited foil cards, I managed to tell a few fortunes until the captain offered to give me a counter-reading.

Code:

Arme F. McGee says, "Let's see your fate"

Arme F. McGee flips the card face up. It's a reversed knight of coins.
John Johnson screams!
Arme F. McGee draws a card from the deck of cards.
Arme F. McGee flips the card face up. It's a reversed ace of cups.
Arme F. McGee draws a card from the deck of cards.
Arme F. McGee flips the card face up. It's a four of swords.

Arme F. McGee says, "The reversed knight indicates bad news"
John Johnson tugs nervously at his necktie!
Arme F. McGee says, "The reversed ace of cup indicates hatred and negativity"
John Johnson fidgets with his turban!
Arme F. McGee says, "and the four of swords indicates a pause of sorts"
Arme F. McGee says, "Bad news and htred are coming your way."
Arme F. McGee says, "Be prepared to take an unexpected break from your post."
John Johnson says, "Oh jeez."

[TWO MINUTES LATER]

You are hit by the energy bolt!
You are hit by the energy bolt!
You are hit by the energy bolt!
John Johnson collapses!

You begin to recover.

John Johnson  [145.9] stammers, "UURRGGHH!!   TTTHEEE  CAARDDREE LLWWAAYYYYSS  RRIGGHHTT!"
You hear a grinding sound!

(the pause was the split-second I managed to death rattle before the crusher completely mangled me to pieces)