Requesting suggestions for thursday's new daily job

[APARTHEID]

Social Justice Warrior: Spawns with an atheist sweater, a laptop (if possible) and tickets to fine people for not using the proper nouns and not checking their privilege.

Internet warrior: Spawns obese, with a trenchcoat, a fedora, and a laptop.

Why not just "Tech Support" ?

There are so many computers on station and yet not a single jerk noticed that they're all broken!