Best moments ever thread 2.0

[Weavel]

THE SECOND COMING OF DAD CHRIST

You feel horrible!
You hear a voice in your head... Dad, listen closely. Your time is coming to an end.
Your Dad twitches.
Your Dad seizes up and falls limp, his eyes dead and lifeless...
You hear a voice in your head... You feel like you're flying through the air!
... You can almost hear something ...
... You can almost hear something ...
Your Dad screams!
God says, "It is time for you to rise again."
Your Dad asks, "Is that you, god?"
God says, "Do you know who I am- Wow, lucky guess."
God says, "That's right, I'm God."
Your Dad says, "I'm a man of the cloth in fairness."
Your Dad says, "We talked on the phone once."
God asks, "Now, listen closely. Do you know why you are here?"
Your Dad heals Your Dad with the power of Christ!
May the power of Christ compel you to be healed!
You have added the bible to the backpack.
Your Dad says, "Well, I'm not sure."
Your Dad says, "I remember someone shooting me,"
Your Dad says, "and then I wasn't able to breathe."
God says, "You were a selfless man. You fought and died for your children. We all watched from above. You are a Chaplain, a genuine... man of God."
Your Dad nods.
Your Dad nods.
Your Dad says, "I tried to defend my children, God, but I couldn't."
God says, "I am not a loving God. I am a vengeful one. My heart stirred when you fell to the ground for the last time."
God says, "I believe it is time for the second coming."
Your Dad screams!
Your Dad gasps.
God says, "I believe... that you will be my servant."
Your Dad says, "You mean"
Your Dad says, "I will become"
Your Dad asks, "Dad Christ?"
God says, "That's right."
Your Dad screams!
God says, "Dad Christ."
God says, "More specifically, Your Dad Christ."
Your Dad says, "I sure will have a lot of kids to take care of then."
God asks, "What do you need?"
Your Dad says, "I need nothing but a fish and some bread."
Your Dad says, "I already have a big glowy sword and a matcho outlook on fighting."
God says, "In that case, hang on."
God says, "God, ironically, has to ask for a favour upstairs."
Your Dad says, "Ah, well sometimes you do have to ask Cthulu for the darker objects, I understand."
Your Dad screams!
God says, "Bread and fish: the darkest items."
Your Dad nods.
Your Dad nods.
God says, "Take your items."
Your Dad says, "I hope my enemies see the error in their ways as I remove their limbs, forcibly."
You have added the loaf of elvis bread to the backpack.
You have added Fish-Fil-A to the backpack.
Your Dad nods.
God asks, "Are you ready to return?"
Your Dad says, "Yes God, I am ready for the second coming of Dad."
God exclaims, "You may be, but is the crew? May you strike at them furiously!"
Your Dad [145.9] exclaims, "Behold for Your Dad has arisen, and shown his true form as Your Dad Christ!"
Your Dad screams!
The sword is now active.
Your Dad attacks Anthony Evans in the chest with the cyalume saber!
... and lands a devastating hit!
Your Dad attacks Anthony Evans in the chest with the cyalume saber!
... and lands a devastating hit!
Your Dad attacks Anthony Evans in the right arm with the cyalume saber!
Anthony Evans's right arm flies off in a bloody arc!
Your Dad screams!
Your Dad flexes his muscles.
Your Dad flexes his muscles.