Complaint Jan.antilles, forums, 12/17/2025 and 12/15/1025

[True_Blue_Flare]

As you yourself have stated in this thread, you were banned for repeated arguing, refusal to move on following those arguments, and multiple comments hinting at suicide - including one here on the forums following the ban. Neither the administration team nor our other players are expected to handle such severe situations, regardless of your sincerity and reasoning behind making them.
If you are in a state where you make those types of comments - again regardless of actual reason - we do not have much confidence that a month is enough time to change from it.

It seems to me that it's usually assumed that those comments are intended to guilt trip or something to that effect. I can assure that's not the case. To clear up any uncertainty, comments like that are just a knee-jerk reaction I tend to have whenever something goes wrong while I'm already not doing well mentally, which I haven't been in a while. And I don't expect you to handle it - I take full responsibility for the comments like that I made on the discord or forums. Where I start to take issue with being punished for it is when having comments like that in my discord bio or status while not in the server at all, or otherwise making such comments in other spaces, is used as a reason to deny an appeal.

Assuming this is solely the personal opinion of the one admin who happened to ban you, and not an actual issue that we are taking seriously and expecting you to take a long time working on fixing before we are comfortable allowing you back into the community, does not support your case of having substantially grown and changed following the ban.

I've been keeping that assumption out of my appeals, assuming in good faith that I'm wrong on that front. And it's not like I assume that out of immaturity or something, I'm not a fucking child. I just tend to assume the worst of people because I have CPTSD. Even so, I still try to put my assumptions aside when dealing with things. Like my appeals.

Kindly take care of yourself and work with whatever services you need to get better.

That'd be fuckin amazing now wouldn't it, if there was a way to just "get better". Why don't you get back to me on that when there's a cure for depression or PTSD. There is no "getting better", therapy hasn't fucking helped at all, antidepressants helped for a few months only to abruptly stop fucking working about a month and a half-two months ago, and I've just been white-knuckling it through one fucking thing after another without even that to keep me remotely stable. Like really it's like every fucking misfortune conveniently waited until my antidepressants abruptly stopped working to hit, so I'd be dealing with it all in a shitty, vulnerable state. Like, I've been having to deal with an eviction, this ban, multiple injuries, sick family, and more, and I'm just so overwhelmed and I can't catch a single break and I don't know what to fucking do anymore.

Your concerns are heard.

Really, it doesn't fucking remotely feel like it.

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sorry, I got really emotional while typing that and probably shouldn't have sent