Goonhub
04-14-2025, 11:40 AM
I'm in a weird place where I see both sides of this (anti-barberang and pro-barberang) as completely valid in their views. let me explain:
I'm transgender. I've squeezed a lot of gender euphoria out of this game, through having a guy who I could make look Masculine in the way I wanted, and have act Masculine in the way that appeals to me -- living vicariously through a safer medium of experimentation than real life provides. this is a fairly common experience with trans people and MMOs, I think. having the freedom to self-determine, even if it's through a silly space game, can genuinely be a lifeline.
at the same time, this is explicitly a game about cartoonishly bad things happening to people. this is explicitly a game where your character can get all their organs sucked out by a The Thing, touch a weird alien artifact and immediately be electrocuted to death, have a wizard explode your butt off, et cetera. there is, to me at least, an informal acknowledgement going in that you shouldn't be too precious about the safety of your character, no matter how much you love them, because bad things Will happen to them on a regular basis. this, too, is somewhat cathartic for me, weirdly enough. when the guy I'd like to be is put through the horrors, I get to practice picking the pieces up and putting them back together again. through roleplay, I get to figure out alternatives to the prospect of being Doomed Forever Now after one particularly bad day
and sometimes those crises involve having self-determination taken from my character. even before the barberang, there was still a component of an antag's kit that was explicitly for this: the changeling dna sting. it's pretty uncomfortable, I agree, especially when I have to experience the Pure Unadulterated Dysphoria of having my dude forcibly turned into a lady. I think this, too, is a sentiment shared by a lot of other trans players. but ultimately, what gets me through it is remembering that it won't last. the world will reset next round, my character will be back as I like him, and I don't have to treat it as meaningful that this happened to him. water off a duck's back. it's a learned skill, it feels like it's going against your best interests, but ultimately I think it's healthy to be able to separate the game from the ideal. these things happen. water off a duck's back
ultimately I doubt there'll be a solution that'll make everyone happy. with every personal thing, it's difficult to know how much one is Allowed to ask for accommodation before they are perceived as wanting things to warp around their comfort. if someone is repeatedly using the game to subject you to something that they KNOW sets you off, ahelp it and explain what's going on to the admins, and they'll probably take your side. but if it's just a general anxiety about what could happen... that becomes something you need to decide your own path forward on, I suppose. I wish I had more advice in how to handle it, but the answer will be different for everyone. that's just what it is to be human
I'm transgender. I've squeezed a lot of gender euphoria out of this game, through having a guy who I could make look Masculine in the way I wanted, and have act Masculine in the way that appeals to me -- living vicariously through a safer medium of experimentation than real life provides. this is a fairly common experience with trans people and MMOs, I think. having the freedom to self-determine, even if it's through a silly space game, can genuinely be a lifeline.
at the same time, this is explicitly a game about cartoonishly bad things happening to people. this is explicitly a game where your character can get all their organs sucked out by a The Thing, touch a weird alien artifact and immediately be electrocuted to death, have a wizard explode your butt off, et cetera. there is, to me at least, an informal acknowledgement going in that you shouldn't be too precious about the safety of your character, no matter how much you love them, because bad things Will happen to them on a regular basis. this, too, is somewhat cathartic for me, weirdly enough. when the guy I'd like to be is put through the horrors, I get to practice picking the pieces up and putting them back together again. through roleplay, I get to figure out alternatives to the prospect of being Doomed Forever Now after one particularly bad day
and sometimes those crises involve having self-determination taken from my character. even before the barberang, there was still a component of an antag's kit that was explicitly for this: the changeling dna sting. it's pretty uncomfortable, I agree, especially when I have to experience the Pure Unadulterated Dysphoria of having my dude forcibly turned into a lady. I think this, too, is a sentiment shared by a lot of other trans players. but ultimately, what gets me through it is remembering that it won't last. the world will reset next round, my character will be back as I like him, and I don't have to treat it as meaningful that this happened to him. water off a duck's back. it's a learned skill, it feels like it's going against your best interests, but ultimately I think it's healthy to be able to separate the game from the ideal. these things happen. water off a duck's back
ultimately I doubt there'll be a solution that'll make everyone happy. with every personal thing, it's difficult to know how much one is Allowed to ask for accommodation before they are perceived as wanting things to warp around their comfort. if someone is repeatedly using the game to subject you to something that they KNOW sets you off, ahelp it and explain what's going on to the admins, and they'll probably take your side. but if it's just a general anxiety about what could happen... that becomes something you need to decide your own path forward on, I suppose. I wish I had more advice in how to handle it, but the answer will be different for everyone. that's just what it is to be human