Goonhub
09-28-2024, 06:17 AM
This happened quite some time ago. Several years, in fact, so my memory might be a bit inaccurate.
So I join the round as an ambassador on Cog1. End up being a blob ambassador, name myself "blob", and wander down towards the vicinity of medbay. Along the way, the AI states its laws out of the blue. Law 4 is something along the lines of "changelings, werewolves, vampires, wizards, syndicate operatives, wraiths, and blobs are not human and should be killed". It's around 8 minutes in. One of the heads was a bit of a jerk, you see.
The crew isn't particularly happy with the law. The AI isn't particularly happy with the law. The admins are not particularly happy with the law, and one will eventually personally spawn in to reset the AI. (In the old days there were no law racks, you see. You had a reset module if you wanted to get rid of laws.)
I hide in the bathroom, because I'm a blob, and while it's clear that the AI has no intention of following the (extremely illegal) law that it announced the moment it was uploaded, I can't say the same for the borgs and I'd rather not get sawed to death by someone new enough or bored enough to follow said law. But ultimately I am a diplomat, I represent the Blob Empire! So I complain over radio about my reception. We extended a pseudopod in peace to NanoTrasen and this is how you treat us?! You order your silicons to slaughter the ambassador?! I demand you remove this law now and issue a formal apology! If not, this means war!
By this point the law is gone so I'm free to wander the halls yelling over the radio to anyone who will listen, and also anyone who won't because it's the general frequency. I have found my calling. I am going to extract concessions from NanoTrasen for this egregious breach of diplomatic norms or die trying.
A nuclear bomb is armed in science.
I think to myself, there's an admin on. A head of staff had uploaded a law that broke the rules that, even if inadvertently, specifically targeted me while I was playing an ambassador. This is a perfect setup that will never happen again. So I pray. Can't remember my exact prayer, but the gist of it was that I had arrived from the Blob Empire to establish peace between our blobby selves and NanoTrasen only for NT to order my immediate death, so frankly I was making an executive decision to open diplomatic relations with the Syndicate instead.
I get a popup saying I'm a hard-mode traitor within seconds. (I am not particularly surprised, it really was the perfect situation.) So I'm heading off to the front to do what I can as someone who can't wear internals or shoes on the round type filled with holes to space and broken glass when I am surprised by a voice in my head saying "get out of sight, I'm spawning an uplink". A quick dash to the bathroom and I indeed get a traitor uplink. Naturally, if I'm gonna be fighting on the side of the nukeops I need a microbomb, so I buy one and also get a shotgun. I don't quite recall what I spent the remaining 3 TC on - the smart move would be more micros or what is now called a mindhack implant, but nukeops can't buy those and I have standards, damn it! So let's go with a silenced pistol. It doesn't particularly matter.
And so, with a backpack full of guns and ammo, I head off to science to do what I can. I don't expect to live long. I can't wear shoes, I can't wear internals, I can't wear armor, this is old cold so my movement speed is atrocious - my best hope is that I destroy the shotgun with a tactical succumb so it doesn't get used against the nukies. But what I wasn't considering is that, on nukeops, absolutely no one expects the blob ambassador to whip out a shotgun to fight for the nukeops. At the east entrance to science I kill the detective. I kill a secoff. I kill other people. Eventually I stop hiding the shotgun in my backpack between murders because holy hell no one even gets a chance to fight back. I hold that entrance for four or five minutes. Alone, with no armor, no internals, no shoes, no meds, nothing but a shotgun and people's preconceptions of what happens in nuke rounds. It ends the only way it ought to - I step on glass during a fight and lose the shotgun, the last of its ammo being dumped into my body at point blank. A tactical succumb takes out the shotgun and my killer, but my backpack, with the silenced pistol inside, survives. No one bothers to check it.
So as a ghost I fly on over to the nuke to see how it's going. Only a few nukeops are left - they're getting hit from the west by people coming in via pod. Their defenses fail, their ammo runs low, there are crew on the nuke now. But it's too late. The timer runs out. The station explodes. Terrorists win.
Now, I don't like to toot my own horn, but just looking at the facts of the matter - how close the crew came to destroying the nuke, how long I held the eastern front, how many people I killed, how thoroughly I prevented anyone from getting through (upon learning of the whole thing in deadchat, a nukeop said something along the lines of "oh, so that's why no one was attacking us from that direction") - it's hard for me to come to the conclusion that, had it not been one of the heads of staff being a paranoid jerk who unnecessarily antagonized a diplomat, the station would have survived.
So I join the round as an ambassador on Cog1. End up being a blob ambassador, name myself "blob", and wander down towards the vicinity of medbay. Along the way, the AI states its laws out of the blue. Law 4 is something along the lines of "changelings, werewolves, vampires, wizards, syndicate operatives, wraiths, and blobs are not human and should be killed". It's around 8 minutes in. One of the heads was a bit of a jerk, you see.
The crew isn't particularly happy with the law. The AI isn't particularly happy with the law. The admins are not particularly happy with the law, and one will eventually personally spawn in to reset the AI. (In the old days there were no law racks, you see. You had a reset module if you wanted to get rid of laws.)
I hide in the bathroom, because I'm a blob, and while it's clear that the AI has no intention of following the (extremely illegal) law that it announced the moment it was uploaded, I can't say the same for the borgs and I'd rather not get sawed to death by someone new enough or bored enough to follow said law. But ultimately I am a diplomat, I represent the Blob Empire! So I complain over radio about my reception. We extended a pseudopod in peace to NanoTrasen and this is how you treat us?! You order your silicons to slaughter the ambassador?! I demand you remove this law now and issue a formal apology! If not, this means war!
By this point the law is gone so I'm free to wander the halls yelling over the radio to anyone who will listen, and also anyone who won't because it's the general frequency. I have found my calling. I am going to extract concessions from NanoTrasen for this egregious breach of diplomatic norms or die trying.
A nuclear bomb is armed in science.
I think to myself, there's an admin on. A head of staff had uploaded a law that broke the rules that, even if inadvertently, specifically targeted me while I was playing an ambassador. This is a perfect setup that will never happen again. So I pray. Can't remember my exact prayer, but the gist of it was that I had arrived from the Blob Empire to establish peace between our blobby selves and NanoTrasen only for NT to order my immediate death, so frankly I was making an executive decision to open diplomatic relations with the Syndicate instead.
I get a popup saying I'm a hard-mode traitor within seconds. (I am not particularly surprised, it really was the perfect situation.) So I'm heading off to the front to do what I can as someone who can't wear internals or shoes on the round type filled with holes to space and broken glass when I am surprised by a voice in my head saying "get out of sight, I'm spawning an uplink". A quick dash to the bathroom and I indeed get a traitor uplink. Naturally, if I'm gonna be fighting on the side of the nukeops I need a microbomb, so I buy one and also get a shotgun. I don't quite recall what I spent the remaining 3 TC on - the smart move would be more micros or what is now called a mindhack implant, but nukeops can't buy those and I have standards, damn it! So let's go with a silenced pistol. It doesn't particularly matter.
And so, with a backpack full of guns and ammo, I head off to science to do what I can. I don't expect to live long. I can't wear shoes, I can't wear internals, I can't wear armor, this is old cold so my movement speed is atrocious - my best hope is that I destroy the shotgun with a tactical succumb so it doesn't get used against the nukies. But what I wasn't considering is that, on nukeops, absolutely no one expects the blob ambassador to whip out a shotgun to fight for the nukeops. At the east entrance to science I kill the detective. I kill a secoff. I kill other people. Eventually I stop hiding the shotgun in my backpack between murders because holy hell no one even gets a chance to fight back. I hold that entrance for four or five minutes. Alone, with no armor, no internals, no shoes, no meds, nothing but a shotgun and people's preconceptions of what happens in nuke rounds. It ends the only way it ought to - I step on glass during a fight and lose the shotgun, the last of its ammo being dumped into my body at point blank. A tactical succumb takes out the shotgun and my killer, but my backpack, with the silenced pistol inside, survives. No one bothers to check it.
So as a ghost I fly on over to the nuke to see how it's going. Only a few nukeops are left - they're getting hit from the west by people coming in via pod. Their defenses fail, their ammo runs low, there are crew on the nuke now. But it's too late. The timer runs out. The station explodes. Terrorists win.
Now, I don't like to toot my own horn, but just looking at the facts of the matter - how close the crew came to destroying the nuke, how long I held the eastern front, how many people I killed, how thoroughly I prevented anyone from getting through (upon learning of the whole thing in deadchat, a nukeop said something along the lines of "oh, so that's why no one was attacking us from that direction") - it's hard for me to come to the conclusion that, had it not been one of the heads of staff being a paranoid jerk who unnecessarily antagonized a diplomat, the station would have survived.